Humanity
by uncannykaija
Summary: 2K14 movie universe, with a few small changes made to the plot. The timeline is set before the events of the movie. It will eventually connect to the movie and then go beyond it. OC/Raph. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and review! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1: Part One - Lily

What does it mean to be human? Does it mean you have two legs and two arms? Does it mean you can talk and understand the words of others? Perhaps it means that you can think for yourself and that you have free will to do as you please. Does being human mean that you have a soul - a spirit - inside of you? And it guides you as you go along through life? Do all of these things come together in one all encompassing idea of what it means to be human? Is that what they mean when they say "humanity"? Can you lose your human self? Can you find it again?

Some would probably say that being human means that you have the capability to fall in love, to put yourself aside and focus on the happiness of another.

If you were to ask me, I would have no idea what it means to be human. Most days, I sit alone in my small apartment, reading or writing, trying to forget that other people exist because the more I try to find humanity the more I realize that it is nowhere to be found. Turn on the news, and all you see is another child found dead or another tragic car crash because a driver was too busy texting to notice a stop sign. You walk around outside, and you see the homeless on every corner, looking at you with blank eyes as they stand and shiver in the growing cold. No, humanity is a dying idea, perhaps even a myth. Most people in this world will not show you any kindness or give you any hope. Most people will either completely ignore you or try to hurt you.

Moving to New York was the first thing I had ever done for myself. I had left behind the only place that I'd ever known to come to the city. Of course, it wasn't really hard to leave, because the only place I'd ever known really wasn't worth knowing. I'd left behind all the pieces of a life that I had hated. I'd left a job that made me miserable, I'd left people who I'd let poison my life for far too long, and to top it all off, I'd left a part of myself behind: the part that cared what other people thought and that was always trying so hard to be someone else in order to survive.

Deep down, I knew I was running away. I was running from all the people who had let me down and hurt me. I was running from my own weaknesses and mistakes. But let me tell you, running seemed a hell of a lot better than staying and pretending I was happy. I'd had no friends to keep me from going, no job that I loved, or house that felt like home. I had saved my money, eating nothing but cup-o-noodle for months. I had found a small apartment, and then I took the first job that I could find.

A few months into my new life, I was surprised to find that I was actually beginning to feel like myself, if I even knew what that felt like in the first place. I'd never been so clear minded, so hopeful. The restless side of myself was finally at peace. Unlike my hometown, every day I could walk out my front door and find something new and interesting to see or try. Maybe it was a new place to eat or a new store that I hadn't explored, but the city was an ever growing wonderland compared to what I was used to.

After work I would either go home and relax in my tiny (but cheap) apartment and enjoy whatever book I had picked up from the store the day before. And if I got bored, I would grab a subway to the center of town and just wander. I felt faceless and invisible, traveling through the hordes of people visiting or rushing to work, not paying any mind to me. Every once in a while someone would smile my way or a young guy would whistle as I went by. Those moments brought me back to reality, reminding me I wasn't in fact invisible, that I was real, but it would only last until I vanished around a corner or into a group of strangers as I continued on my way.

It was this habit of mine, walking and thinking so deeply that I would almost run into a wall at times, that got me into trouble.


	2. Chapter 2: Raphael

"Fuck," I muttered to myself as I reached the platform just as the subway I needed to catch rushed away. I stood in the tunnel, alone, silently scolding myself for being so spacey and not noticing the time earlier. I looked at the map and time table for the next one, not excited about the hour long wait. It was early evening, so I figured that I would still have a good hour or so of daylight left before it got dark. Even though I loved the city, I made it a point to be home, safe and sound, before night fell. In my few months here I had learned my way around some what, so I pretty much knew my way home. It wasn't all that far. So with my impatience driving me, I returned to the surface and started off in the direction of my apartment.

The darkness grew faster than expected. Once the sun had begun to go down about half way through my journey, the tall buildings started to block out any of it's remaining light. It was growing colder, and since I hadn't expected to be out this late, I didn't have my thick coat. Shivering a bit, I thought of the hot coffee I would be making as soon as I got home. I rounded the corner onto a silent street and a chill went up my spine. I tried to shake off the feeling of someone watching me, telling my rational side that I was only making myself paranoid. I was only about three blocks from home now so there was no reason to worry...

It was then that someone grabbed me from behind and pulled me into the alley I had just been passing. Their hand clamped over my mouth to keep my shriek at bay. I gasped as they drug me to the very back of the alley and then flung me around so that I would fall onto the dirty ground. My head almost slammed against the wall, but I was somehow able to catch myself. I was so shocked that I didn't even scream or feel the pain as I landed hard on the ground. I looked up at the man who had grabbed me, his features a bit blurred from the darkness and my welling tears. I started to get up slowly, but he lunged at me, getting even closer. All I could make out was that he was younger, probably around my age, and had big diamonds in his ears.

"Don't move or make a sound. I will shoot you." He said quietly, forcefully, as he pulled a gun from behind his back. I froze, realizing how very real this was. It hit me in an instant, that I was seriously fucked. I was probably going to die. It had always felt like something that only happened in movies and all the crime TV shows that I loved to watch, yet here I was, sitting on the trash covered ground in an alley with a gun in my face.

"Toss me your bag." He ordered, looking quickly over his shoulder towards the alley entrance, probably making sure no one had seen him pull me from the street. "Now."

I did as he said, pulling every ounce of courage I had inside of me to not cry. I had always told myself that in a situation like this I would not show signs of weakness. I would not scream or beg. If he was going to steal from me, rape me, or kill me, he would not get the satisfaction of knowing how scared he had made me feel. Of course, now that I was actually living this nightmare, staying strong seemed like an impossible task. My whole body was shaking, my throat felt like it was closing in on itself, and my blood was slamming though my veins at an unbelievable pace. The darkness had grown even more, and the alley was now pitch black. The dim light from the street was doing nothing. We were so far back that even if someone did walk by, I doubted they would see us. I still hadn't even had a good look at my attacker, aside from the earrings.

I stared at him as dug through my bag, tossing all the random contents on the ground as he went. I tried to think of a way to escape. The only rational idea seemed like hoping someone would pass by, then scream as loud as I could. Even if he shot me, at least there would be a chance he would get caught, and if he didn't kill me, that person would probably be my only chance at living. I stared at the alley entrance, praying that someone would appear.

It was because of my staring that I saw everything that happened next. It seemed like only a blink of an eye. One second, the man was going through my things, the next second, a large figure stood behind him. I didn't even have time to react before this other person grabbed my attacker, removed the gun and my bag from his hands, then tossed him against the alley wall with such force that it knocked him out cold. My attacker slumped to the ground in a heap and my jaw almost hit the ground in shock.

Had that really just happened? Or was I imagining things?

I blinked about ten more times, shaking my head, but the tall, oddly bulky figure was still standing there before me. I looked at the man against the wall, wondering how a single toss could do something like that to a person. In movies it usually took a couple good punches.

"Are you hurt?" A deep voice asked me.

I pulled my eyes away from the unconscious body to the other man, who still hadn't moved an inch since magically appearing. First, he tossed my bag to me. I made no movement to catch it. He swiftly emptied the bullets from the gun, letting them fall to the ground, and then, with what seemed like no effort, threw it onto the rooftop.

"N-no." I stuttered, starting to feel a little dizzy from the blood racing through my veins and the adrenaline. I somehow managed to stand up, an ache running through my body from hitting the ground so hard before. I would definitely be feeling that in the morning.

"Thank you." I managed to say as I wobbled slightly. I felt slightly more comfortable now that the gun was gone. "You saved... you just saved my life."

"Don't mention it." The man said, starting to back away. "Go home now."

I didn't understand why he was leaving so quickly. My mind flooded with questions: first and foremost, shouldn't we call the police? There was no way they would believe my story of a man falling out of the sky to save my life. I needed to see his face, to know how he had appeared out of literally nowhere and knock an armed man out cold with a single throw. Something didn't feel right. His figure was strangely shaped, like he was carrying a large backpack or wearing a coat two sizes too big. Before I even knew what I was doing, I lunged forward, my head spinning, breathlessly saying "_wait!_" before I lost my balance and began to fall to the ground.

Once again, the man moved at an nonhuman pace and caught me before I hit the concrete. I closed my eyes, waiting for the spinning to pass before I tried to stand on my own. His arms felt incredibly large and hard as they supported my weight... too large and too hard to be normal. I froze in fear and my eyes snapped open to take in the face of my savior. He quickly pulled away from me.

This time, I wondered if I really had hit my head when I fell. Or maybe this was all just a dream? Had I actually caught the subway home and fallen asleep? I had never hallucinated before, but it was the only thing I could think of that would make what I was seeing make sense.

It was dark still, but being this close to the man made me see that he wasn't really a man at all. He was even taller than I had thought, at least 6'2 or 6'3. His skin was a deep green. A thin red mask covered the top of his head and two green eyes that were staring at me intently. His body was covered in muscles, as well as what looked like some kind of armor around his arms and legs. At his sides were two weapons, each with three sharp points. And the last thing I took in was what had been causing his figure to seem distorted. It was a shell, a large shell on his back, because as far as I could see he was some kind of half human-half turtle... creature.

I returned my eyes to his, not expecting to feel such a jolt as they met. He was still looking at me fiercely, almost like a cornered animal trying to plan it's escape. I realized that I was probably being rude. As freaked out as I was, this... person had just saved my life and now I was treating him like he was an alien. I was also fairly certain this wasn't a dream, and that I hadn't hit my head. This was real, and he was armed, so I needed to get out of his face before he took me down too. I backed away a few steps, slowly, and I saw him finally let out a breath as I did.

"I'm sorry," I said softly. "I uh, didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't, uhm..."

I silently scolded myself for sounding so freaked out. He didn't say anything in return. He just stood there as still as a statue, watching me. My mind was still spinning, but I felt myself start to calm down a bit. If he was going to try and kill me, he probably would have done it by now. I figured that he probably didn't want to hurt me, which just made me even more curious. Was he actually an alien? Were all my childhood dreams of spaceships and green men true?

"What's your name?" I asked, happy that my voice finally sounded normal. "I'm Lily."

He didn't respond right away. He looked like he was in deep thought. Finally though, he gave me an answer.

"I'm Raphael."

I smiled at him, trying to think of something else to say. But he beat me to it.

"Say a word about what you saw tonight, and I will find you." Raphael threatened, his voice low and dangerous. I stepped back again, a small jolt of fear going through me.

Okay, maybe I did need to be afraid of him.

"I-I promise that I won't." I squeaked out, but I was barely through my words before he had moved to the fire escape, jumping onto it in a way that looked effortless. My heart jerked in strange way when I realized he was leaving. I wasn't sure if I was afraid or curious of him.

And how was someone so freaking huge so quick on his feet?

"Wait!" I called after him.

"Go home." Raphael told me firmly. His tone had changed to one of desperation.

I watched as he climbed with grace up to the top of the building and then disappeared from my sight. Nothing made sense in my mind. I felt like an amazing opportunity had just been ripped away from me right before my eyes. I quickly gathered up my things, throwing watchful glaces at the heap against the wall to make sure my attacker wasn't waking up, and then I ran all the way home.


	3. Chapter 3: Secrets

Sleep hadn't come easily since that night in the alley. You'd think that my dreams would be full of fear and visions of the man who probably would have killed me. But, instead, I'd pretty much forgotten all about him. I found myself dreaming of Raphael and his red-masked eyes.

Nothing made sense. Everything I looked up online was either complete bullshit or totally insane. I wondered if I also was insane, but then I'd dream of him again, and I'd see the shade of his green skin. I would see his eyes looking back at mine. They had been so full of emotion, more so than any other person I'd ever met. Maybe it was because he wasn't really a person... What was he?

Again and again, I would see his tall frame vanishing over the side of the building, and I would feel it all the way down to my bones that what I had witnessed had been very real. I didn't go for any more walks after that night. Instead, I went straight to work and then straight home. I would pace and obsess over what I had seen. I didn't speak a word of it to anyone, even to my coworkers who commented on my sudden mood change.

Normally, I would accept a offer to get coffee on lunches or after work. But that week, I denied all offers, too lost in my own head to even try to be social unless I absolutely had to. Not to mention that each night as I headed home I couldn't help but get the feeling that I was being watched. I'd stop sometimes, and search all the buildings for a sign that Raphael was out there, but I could never find a trace. I wondered if he was making sure that I was keeping my promise and his threat would echo in my ears, sending a chill up my spine.

Finally, about a week since the encounter, I started towards home after a particularly long day at work feeling determined to figure things out. A dark alley was coming up, and I was so sick of not sleeping and having so many unanswered questions that I was desperate enough to see if my suspicions of him following me were true. How tired I was probably didn't help my sanity, but I didn't care. I turned into the darkness and walked to the very end before calling out to Raphael.

"I know you're out there! If you're going to creep around and follow me every night then you at least owe me some answers!"

I sounded more mad than I had intended, but maybe that would help get him to come out of the shadows. It was silent for the next few minutes. However, I wasn't convinced that he wasn't out there yet. I wasn't sure if I really thought he was there, or if I was just hoping that he was.

Frustrated, I tried one more thing.

"So what, you're only going to show yourself if someone is trying to kill me?!"

Apparently, that got to him, because before I could even close my mouth, Raphael had appeared. He jumped down from the roof and landed in front of me without a sound. He was taller and more muscular than I remembered. My stomach tightened as he looked, well, more like glared at me. His eyes were even more intense than I remembered too.

"So, now you decide to show." I commented, crossing my arms.

Raphael didn't respond, he just continued staring, shaking his head in what seemed like anger. I sighed, not sure how to go about what I wanted to say next. I hadn't really thought any of this through before doing it.

"I'm sorry for you know, uh, demanding that you come down here. I just don't get why you've been following me home when you wouldn't even stay and talk to me last week."

"I had to make sure you weren't tellin' anyone what you saw." He said crossing his arms too, as if to make a point.

"Okay, well, that's understandable. I haven't told anyone, by the way. I'm not that kind of person. So, are you planning on doing that forever and just never talking to me again?"

"I hadn't thought it through that far yet." He said with a haughty tone, like I was annoying him.

"Whatever, fine." I said, my feelings getting hurt even though I didn't fully understand why. Raphael obviously didn't want anything to do with me. I looked at him for only a moment more, just enough to see his eyes widen, like my response wasn't what he had expected.

"I won't bother you again," I muttered as I turned on my heel and started to walk out of the alley. I looked back only once to find that he was gone.

* * *

I got back to my apartment and threw my keys on the table. They hit the surface hard and bounced off of it onto the ground.

Why was I so upset? Why did I care that he didn't want to talk to me? Yes, I was curious about where he had come from and what he was exactly, but that didn't justify me being this worked up about it.

I went into my bedroom and laid down. I stared at the ceiling, trying to sort though the thoughts in my head. Each time they led to the same place: to the green eyes, the red mask, his deep voice, and the way all three of those things made my heart race.

I'm not sure how long I laid there, going deeper and deeper into my head, but I was so out of it that when a loud knock came from my window, I shrieked with fear and just about jumped out of my skin. It took a moment for my eyes to focus and see beyond the reflections in the window. Raphael was out there, hanging on my windowsill all casual-like. I got up and went over slowly, unlatched the lock, and then stood back as he pushed the pane up. He lowered himself into my room with ease.

Thank god I had big windows.

The sight of him for the first time in the light took my breath away. What I had imagined in my dreams from the brief moment I had seen him in the darkness was nothing like it was now. The muscles on his body were even more defined than I thought. He looked strong and powerful, his height only adding to it. His skin was a perfect shade of green and his shell, which I had barely gotten to see at all, was full of colors: black, amber, and a light tan all forming into something magnificent on his back. He still wore the thin red mask over his eyes and worn armor over certain areas of his body. His weapons glinted in the light of my room, looking like they would cut through skin with just a single touch. There was scar on his upper lip, and some kind of marking on his right shoulder.

I was staring again. I felt my cheeks turn red as I also remembered that I had just shrieked like a little girl a moment ago.

"What are you doing here?" I asked finally. "And how did you know this was my window?"

"I told you, I've been makin' sure you didn't say anything to anyone 'bout me."

"Right." I responded, still trying to not stare too long at any part of his body, even though I was trying to catch every detail about him that I could while he was here in front of me.

"I'm surprised you haven't." Raphael added with a slight sneer. "I'm sure lots of people would pay for a story like that."

"Well, I'm not like that." I snapped at him, offended by his remark.

He was the one who hadn't taken the time to talk to me, and yet he was still making assumptions.

Again, he looked like that wasn't the response he had been expecting from me. I took a couple deep breaths, trying to look at the situation from his point of view. He was obviously afraid of other people finding out about his existence, which made me wonder how many humans had seen him... Or if I was the first one. And that meant he was probably pretty scared of being found out.

"I'm guessing you don't go around saving girls very often." I joked, softening my tone.

"I don't."

"Well, thank you, again. You really did save me."

I felt my voice get a little tight at the end, the fear I had felt that night rushing over me again as I finally let myself remember what almost happened. He nodded in reply, still seeming uncomfortable around me.

"Look," I said seriously, my eyes meeting his. "I really won't tell anyone about you. I'll keep your secret, whatever it is, because I'm still pretty lost to be honest... But you don't need to follow me or worry, okay?"

Raphael seemed to relax slightly with my words. It was strange to me that someone who looked so strong could ever feel fear, but I also knew how cruel humans could be: if he was ever found out, he would be mocked, studied, locked up. I smiled slightly at him, hoping that he knew I was telling the truth.

"I should go." He said suddenly, turning to leave.

"Okay..." I replied, not even trying to hide the sadness from my voice. I had hoped that after my speech he would stay and explain things to me.

"I just... have someplace that I need to be." Raphael added, his tone the nicest I had heard yet.

I found myself nodding, even though his back was still facing me. I didn't think that there was anything I could say that would make him stay, so just I kept quiet. He paused for a split second, as if waiting for my response, but then climbed out of the window and was gone.

I rushed to the sill and leaned my head out, trying to see where he went. I saw nothing in the darkness. It was like he was nothing but a figment of my imagination, the way he came and went like a shadow.

I didn't feel like doing anything else that night, so I just curled up into bed, my heart feeling heavy in my chest. I had wanted so badly to see him again, and now that I had, I felt even worse than before. None of my questions had been answered. I was even more lost than before. And now that I had truly come face to face with Raphael, the images that haunted my dreams were even more intense.


	4. Chapter 4: Brothers

After work the next day I rushed home, hoping with every fiber of my being that Raphael would come back. I knew that it was silly. Things hadn't gone the way that I had wanted them to the night before, but something inside of me didn't want to let go of the hope that he would return. I couldn't explain why I felt so drawn to him, why the thought of him in my room, so magnificent and strong, made my head start to spin. I wanted nothing more than to show him that I could be trusted, and that I wouldn't betray him, so that he would tell me all about himself.

The first thing I did when I got home was leave the window in my bedroom open a crack, hoping he would get the idea if he did show up to just let himself in. I busied myself with making dinner and then cleaning most of the evening. It wasn't until I was in the middle of playing a game on my Nintendo DS when I heard the window creak as it slide up. I headed to my room quickly, stopping in the doorway as I saw him lower his large frame into my room.

"You came back." I observed, not even bothering to hold back my grin.

"What's done is done." Raphael shrugged, looking very out of place in my small bedroom. "I guess I do owe you some answers."

He followed me back into my living room, glancing around curiously at everything I owned. He was so tall that it looked like his head would touch the door frame, and he probably would have taken up my whole couch with his size, and well, width because of his shell. I was about to head over to the kitchen to offer him something to drink - did he drink? - when I saw his expression change. His eyes narrowed and he turned around quickly to face back towards my bedroom.

"Whats wro-" I began to ask, but he held one of his fingers to his lips, signaling me to be quiet.

Raphael crept towards the door to my room, not making a sound even though it felt like every time I walked across my apartment I was about to fall through the ground with how much it squeaked.

How graceful he could be was beginning to be even weirder to me than the fact that he had a shell.

I followed, attempting to mimic his silence as I listened hard, trying to pick up on whatever he was hearing. Raphael stopped at the door and crouched down slightly like he was ready to pounce. I had just come up right behind him when I heard faint whispers.

"_Shhhhhhh. Dude, I can't see anything. It's too dark. Are we sure Raph came in this window?_"

It was then that Raphael lunged forward and flicked on my bedroom light. I couldn't see who was in my room yet, but he obviously wasn't expecting to be caught.

"Woah! Dude, you just about gave me a heart attack. Okay, look, don't be mad at me, I can see that you're mad, but it was all Leo's idea. Really. He made us follow you. I swear."

It was obviously somebody who knew Raphael. I slowly rounded the corner, not sure what to expect, and that's when I saw the other turtle. This one was much shorter than Raphael, with an orange mask tied around wider and brighter blue eyes. He looked younger too, and his voice wasn't as deep. He had nun-chucks at his sides, and was looking at me with much more bewilderment than I probably felt upon seeing him. His mouth was literally hanging wide open.

"Mikey," Raphael growled. "Where are the others?"

"Uh..." Replied the other turtle stupidly, still staring at me.

"Mikey!"

"Right, uh, they're on the roof." Mikey finally said, seeming to snap out of it. "I'm sorry bro, I didn't know you were uh, with your, uh... girlfriend."

Without saying anything Raphael shoved past him and climbed out the window. Mikey looked after him nervously before seeming to reluctantly follow. He was half way out the window when he turned back to me.

"Nice to meet ya." He said giving me a toothy grin before vanishing.

I stood there, dumbstruck, trying to process that there was now not one, but two, giant turtles. Once I regained some clarity, I ran out of my room, grabbed my keys off of the table, and just barely took the time to lock the front door behind me. My building wasn't very big, so I only had to run up a few flights of stairs before getting to the door for the roof. It had a huge 'DO NOT ENTER - ROOF ACCESS' sign on it, but I knew that it was always left unlocked in case of an emergency. I threw open the door, and before me stood Raphael, the newly introduced Mikey, and two other turtles.

One of them was tall and lanky, with glasses and a purple mask over his eyes. He had a large bo across his back, and an assortment of other mechanical gadgets covering his body. The fourth was wearing a blue mask and had two large swords strapped across his shell. I didn't know what to do as they all turned at once and stared at me. I let go of the door and it closed loudly. The sound was incredibly awkward in the silence.

"This is the girl?" Blue asked, turning back towards Raphael, like I wasn't even there.

"Yes."

"What have you told her?"

"Nothing."

More silence.

"Guys, we're being rude." Mikey said, obviously trying to lighten the mood. He came up to me, and held out his large, green hand. "I'm Michelangelo," he said with mock formality. "Or Mikey," he added with a grin.

I took his hand, and it swallowed up mine completely. His skin was surprisingly soft. It was different than a humans, harder, perhaps thicker, but not as rough as I had expected it to be.

"I'm Lily." I replied, feeling very self-conscious under all of their watchful eyes. At least Mikey didn't seem too afraid of me. In fact, he seemed quite the opposite.

"I'm uh, Donatello." The purple masked turtle spoke up. He pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose nervously.

"Hi." I said, giving him a small, awkward wave.

The blue masked one was looking at me with the most coolness. It was a moment before he spoke. "I'm Leonardo," he finally said. "It's nice to meet you, Lily."

It was quiet again. Raphael was looking darkly at Leonardo, and even I could feel the tension between the two of them. If I had to guess, they were both probably the oldest. There was a different air about them than there was about Michelangelo and Donatello.

"Raphael is telling the truth," I finally said. "He hasn't told me anything but his name. And even that was hard to get out of him."

Mikey snickered, and so did Donatello. At least two of them had a sense of humor.

"Good," Leonardo said. "It needs to stay that way. I'm sure you can understand why, Lily. We need to keep our existence a secret."

His tone was commanding, and I saw Mikey's face fall a little bit at the other turtle's words.

"Leo," Raphael said through clenched teeth. "This isn't your call."

"I'm sure Sensei would agree with me," Leonardo replied firmly.

"If you tell him, we'll never see above ground again. You know that, don't be an asshole about it." Raphael sounded like he was getting madder by the moment.

"Guys, I bet he'll understand. I mean, I'm sure Raph didn't just like, show himself on purpose, right?" Mikey said, looking between me and the others with hopeful eyes.

"He saved my life. I was being robbed at gun point." I explained, feeling defensive over Raphael. He hadn't done anything wrong, after all.

"See!" Mikey cried happily. "He saved her life. That's a pretty good reason to show himself, if you ask me."

"Raph also said she hasn't told anyone about him since he met her." Donatello offered, shuffling his feet against the ground nervously. Leonardo shot him a look that said 'shut up'. I guessed that since he already had two against one, he didn't want to make it three.

"We need to go home and discuss this. It is not a decision for us to make." Leonardo said. "It was nice to meet you, Lily."

And then he took a running jump onto the next roof top. Donatello sighed and waved at me, then followed.

"Don't worry, Lil. I got your back." Mikey said, knocking me with his arm in a friendly manner before backing away. "See ya later."

He pulled what seemed to be some kind of tricked out skateboard off of his shell and joined the other two.

The last to go was Raphael. He was still standing in the same place. I walked up to him slowly, my head swimming with the events that had just happened.

"Were those... your brothers?" I asked. He nodded.

"And you have a Sensei? Isn't that like, for martial arts?"

Another nod.

"Is he going to be upset that I know about all of you?"

Raphael was still looking far off into the distance, his chest moving up and down at a faster pace than normal. Obviously, he was worked up over what had just happened and over his brother's attitude towards me. If I wasn't sure before, I was now: I was the first human that had ever seen them. And they were very, very scared that I was going to tell the world about them.

"I really do mean it when I say that I won't tell anyone about you." I told him for what felt like the hundredth time. "I'll tell your Sensei that too, if need be."

"I know." Raphael replied, looking down at me finally, his eyes unreadable. "I need to go deal with that."

I watched him run off after his brothers, figuring that I would never see any of them again.


	5. Chapter 5: Survivor

I was completely out of it the next morning. Not only had I been far too distracted to properly sleep, for what was now going on about ten nights in a row, but it was also my Friday at work. I had been even more anxious for the day to be over. I just wanted to be at home, so I could lay around in my pajamas and mope.

After what felt like a lifetime, I reached my building, ran up the stairs, and threw open my door to the sanctuary of my apartment. You could imagine the shock that I felt when my eyes landed on Raphael sitting on my couch, looking like he had been waiting there for a while.

"What are you doing here?!" I exclaimed as I quickly closed and locked the door behind me. No need for the neighbors to know about my new friends.

"I need you to come with me." Raphael stated as he stood up. It seemed like he was nervous.

"Uhm, sure..." I replied, setting down my bag. "Can I change first?"

He nodded. I hurried into my room and changed out of my work clothes, throwing on jeans and hoodie, as well as my jacket. The coldness was growing more intense everyday and I had no idea where their home was. I briefly wondered if I should have been afraid, instead of excited, about going with him... I mean, for all I knew, Raphael could have been taking me away to kill me. Perhaps their Sensei had decided that I was a flight risk. But, in reality, it wasn't like I had a choice. I had to go with him, and if that was the case, there would be no way for me to stop him. Worrying would do me no good.

"So, where are we going?" I questioned as I went back out to the living room. "Do I need to bring any-" I stopped short as he bent over and scooped me up like I weighed nothing, which really made my self esteem sky rocket. "Hey, what are you-"

"Hold on." He instructed as he headed towards the window. "And try not to look down."

"Wait, we aren't going to...?" I sputtered frantically as he lowered himself through the window, careful to not let my feet or head hit the frame. Again, he was nothing but graceful. He carried me quickly up the fire escape to the rooftop.

"Raphael, I'm really not sure... I can walk you know..."

And then he was running towards the edge of the building. I flung my arms around his neck, snapped my eyes shut, and buried my face in his chest. I felt him jump and land again, this repeating for a while, with the occasional drop coming along. I'm not exactly sure where we went, what route he took, or how far we went. The whole time I focused on his steady breathing. It sounded like he was taking a stroll through the woods, not swinging around like Tarzan through the city. Part of me was impressed, but I knew I wouldn't truly appreciate his abilities until I was safely on the ground.

We stopped finally, and I slowly opened my eyes to see that we were only a few feet up in the air above an alley. It seemed like the area was totally abandoned. A surge of fear shot through me. This looked like the perfect place to kill someone...

"Tuck your feet in tight." He ordered.

"Why?" I squeaked, my voice a few pitches too high, but I immediately did what he said.

And then he jumped again. It took me a moment to realize what exactly he was aiming for on the ground... I then saw the open manhole. It seemed like it would be impossible for us to fit, and I whimpered, closing my eyes again and trying not to shriek. The drop felt like forever. I felt the air get cooler and muskier. I felt the light go away. And then he landed on the ground, the sound of his feet hitting a small puddle echoing around us. I lifted my head slowly, my eyes taking a minute to adjust to the darkness of the sewer.

"You live down here?" I asked.

"Yeah."

Well, this was not at all what I had expected.

I was hoping that he would put me down now that we seemed to have arrived to our destination, but he didn't. He carried me few feet down the tunnel until we came to a skate board sitting upright against the wall.

Raphael kicked it lightly and sent it rolling across the ground. He stepped onto it easily, and again, we were off.

This seemed slightly more relaxing at least, so I finally un-stiffened my muscles and brushed the hair out of my face. I tried to move as little as possible so I wouldn't throw off his concentration or balance, but he seemed completely un-bothered as he carried me. We wound around corners, gaining speed as the sewer went deeper and deeper underground. Lights freckled the walls every few feet, and I wondered if they had always been there or if the turtles had put them in. I then started to see security cameras in the corners of the ceiling. Those were definitely not left over. We were obviously in a part of the system that was no longer used, which from what I understood about most sewer systems, was a lot since modern technology had taken over.

It took at least fifteen minutes for us to reach our destination. Raphael stopped and finally set me down gently. I wobbled a bit, feeling like I had just gotten off of an amusement park ride. I followed him as we walked down another corridor. This part was completely lite up. I noticed more and more cameras. The air was much warmer down here, and I found myself unzipping my coat as we walked.

We rounded another corner, and that's when we came to a large metal door. Raphael punched a code into a box on the wall, and with a loud "click!" the door unlocked. He motioned for me to go in first and I did, slowly, unsure what I might find on the other side. I entered a room that looked like a typical mudroom. There were skateboards, longboards, and even a few bikes leaning up against the wall, along with an ancient washer and dryer that had wires sticking out of them in many places I was sure wire was not supposed to go. Raphael set his board down with the rest, then pushed back the curtain that hung on the other side of the room, acting as a divider.

Again, he motioned for me to go through. This time I found myself in what I guessed to be the living room. There were two couches and three big chairs situated around four giant televisions. It was a large area, with a kitchen section off to the right of where I was standing. It appeared to have all the basic appliances - ranging from old to new - and a table with mismatched chairs. Surprisingly, for being located in the sewer, the space was homey and spotless. If it wasn't for the thick cement walls, slight odor, and lack of windows, it would've almost seemed like a normal house. There was another passageway across from the one I had just come in from, which I assumed led to the other rooms of their home. It was quiet, only the sound of my own excited heartbeat in my ears.

"How did you do all of this?" I asked Raphael in awe as I looked around, trying to take it all in.

He shrugged. "We've lived down here since we were young. Splinter, our father and Sensei, had to steal at first. But then we found other ways. You'd be surprised at the things people just leave laying around on the streets. Some of it we kept, some we sold for money to get other things. It's just all added up."

"Splinter?" I asked. "Is he like you and your brothers?"

I bit my lip with regret as soon as I spoke, hoping that the question didn't come off as being rude.

"Not quite."

I jumped at the sound of a new voice - a much older, softer voice. I turned away from Raphael towards the other end of the room where a large humanoid rat stood, leaning slightly against a cane. He had a long nose, brown fur that was flecked with grey around his eyes, and long white whiskers. His eyes were curiously looking me up and down.

He was much shorter than Raphael and his brothers. He wore a long red robe, tied at the waist with a rope belt. His ears had a few nicks in them, and a long tail laid on the ground beside him. For being a rat, he still had an air about him that I had never witnessed in a human. He seemed wise, calm, and totally un-phased that his turtle son had just brought a human girl into his house.

This was who they were talking about on the roof last night?

"It is nice to meet you, Lily." Splinter said, coming across the room to stand in front of me. He gave me a slight bow of his head.

"It's nice to meet you too. Thank you for letting me come to your home." I replied politely, feeling overwhelmed, but not exactly in a bad way.

My whole idea of the world was totally shattered. I didn't know if these turtles and their rat father were aliens, creatures from the deep, or... just _things_, but everything I thought I had known was gone. Now, I only had questions.

Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Leonardo, and now Splinter... Who had given them those names? Exactly how long had they been down here, hiding from humans?

All I knew was that if I was freaked out by being here, they were all probably freaked about me being here as well. Like I had pretty much already figured out, they hadn't ever planned on interacting with humans, at least not this soon. Raphael had risked a lot by saving me that night.

"I am sure you have many questions." Splinter said, motioning with his hand to the table and chairs. "But first, please sit and have some tea. Raphael, my son, your brothers are all practicing. Go and join them. I will keep Lily busy until you are done."

Raphael nodded, giving me one last look, his eyes hard to read, before going through the other passageway and vanishing.

"Come." Splinter urged, taking my arm in his. He was even an inch or two shorter than me. He lead me to the table. I sat down as he gathered a pot and tea from the cupboards that lined the walls. Once the water was started, he sat down across from me and folded his hands, seeming completely at ease.

"I am sure this is all very overwhelming for you." He said simply.

"It was." I admitted. "At first. I'm getting used to it though. I've always believed in things... things like this." I finished awkwardly, hoping that he would understand what I meant.

He nodded. "As you can imagine, I have always feared for my sons. The few humans I have known in my life were very cruel, blinded by greed and hatred. I did as much as I could to protect them from what I have witnessed - what I know humans are capable of. But, I knew this day would come."

"Raphael saved my life." I responded. "He didn't mean to show himself. He was just trying to help me and I kind of... forced him to."

"I know." Splinter said with a small smile. "I have tried to raise my sons to have pure hearts. I am glad to see that my words were not wasted and that my training has paid off."

"Training?" I questioned. It seemed like an odd word to use in that statement.

"Yes, training. I knew from the start that if the worst were to happen, they would need a way to defend themselves. Since they could walk, they have been learning the art of karate."

Ah. Now it all finally made sense. The gracefulness, all the leaping, and jumping around from building to building. The weapons. Calling Splinter "Sensei". They were... ninjas.

The sound of the kettle blaring brought me out of my thoughts. Splinter reached up with his tail and removed it from the burner to cool. I tried not to stare.

"So." I said, attempting to sort this all out in my mind. "You knew karate before they did?"

"When I was young, my owner was a master of the art. I watched him from my cage everyday as he practiced. My mind wasn't as strong as it is now, but I retained the information through the mutation, and taught it to my sons."

"Mutation?" I asked, wondering if I had heard that part right.

"Yes." He nodded, then got up and started to prepare the tea. "That is how we became what we are. My sons and I were once tests subjects in my former master's lab. He was trying to create a cure for all the known diseases. While that may seem like a noble endeavor, he also had dark dreams of using this cure to have the world answer to only himself and his followers, whom he calls the Foot Clan."

Splinter set a cup of tea before me, but I was too busy listening to his story to even touch it. Mutants? The Foot Clan? Cure? World domination?

"One night, a fire started in the lab. The scientists working for my master grabbed our cages and put them on the side of the street. But, before they could bring us to safety, there was an explosion and our cages were knocked open. I lead my sons into the sewer. You must understand that at this point, my brain was already functioning at the capacity of a human. I knew we were not safe there any longer and I knew my old master was a cruel man. Once in the sewers, the mutation finally began to take hold, turning us into what we are now. If we had been in that laboratory for only a little while longer, he would have had what he wanted... more than what he had wanted."

Splinter then casually took a sip of his tea.

My mind was racing. The words of his story ran through my head over and over. It seemed crazy to believe what he was saying, but as I sat there, across the table from a walking, talking rat, I took a deep breath and centered myself: this was real. What I was hearing was real. I wondered if I had ever seen the power hungry man who had done this on TV or in the paper.

I also felt sad for them, living down here, always afraid that their sanctuary might be found. They were strong, smart, and seemingly kind people. It was unfair that they had to live in fear.

I picked up my cup of tea and sipped some of the sweet liquid. "What happened to that man? Your old master?" I asked.

"I do not know. This was many years ago. I have not heard news of him since. Even back then, only few knew his real name, and the rest only heard whispers of him. He traveled here from Japan long before your time. That is how he knew so much about the ancient teachings of karate. He trained with the masters there when he was just a boy."

"Do you think he died in the fire?"

"No." Splinter said, his bushy eyebrows furrowing. "Men like him do not die that easily."

A chill went up my spin at those words. Splinter was obviously still very troubled about this man, and that made my stomach feel uneasy. I continued to drink my tea, savoring every drop since it was some of the best that I'd ever tasted.

"Would you care to stay and eat with us?" Splinter asked kindly, tilting his head to the side, his eyes watching me.

I knew he was probably just as curious about me as his sons were, and that he probably thought he had scared me off by telling me the truth about their origin. He had done the exact opposite however - I was now so drawn into their story that I wanted nothing more to stay and spend more time with them.

"I'd love to." I responded happily. "I mean, so long as you don't think Rap-the others, won't mind."

I had wanted to say Raphael, but that seemed awkward. I couldn't figure out if Raphael enjoyed my company, or if he wished that he had never saved me in the first place. My stomach twisted as I thought about the latter. I hoped that wasn't the case.

Even though I had tried to cover up what I had meant to say, it was obvious that Splinter knew what I had intended to ask by the amused look on his face.

"I know they would be thrilled if you stayed. I hope you don't mind pizza. It seems to be their favorite, so we eat it quite often. It's also the easiest food to have delivered, and the place we order from doesn't ask questions." He explained as he pulled what looked like some kind of cell phone from his robes.

"Questions?" I asked, silently laughing to myself at the fact that four insanely well trained ninja turtles loved pizza. I didn't think it was possible to shock me any more than I had been these last few days, but that was something I would have never guessed.

"Our pizzas have to be delivered, well, discreetly." He explained as he typed something into the phone, and then a moment later had a very pleasant conversation with the person who took the order.

I tried to not look horrified as he ordered six pizzas, all with an assortment of different toppings, including a cheese and olive one for me. At the very end, he requested that the pizza "be slipped into the gutter on the corner of 4th and Union" and then I understood what he'd meant by "discreet". Its not like they could just have it delivered to their front door, after all.

Once that had been taken care of, he offered me more tea, which I gladly accepted. Just as he began to pour it into my cup, I heard the voices of the four brothers. Mikey was the first to appear and he gave me a huge smile.

"She's still here!" He called back to the others, before sinking onto one of the couches. "We thought you mighta skipped out after hearing, you know, that we're mutants and all that. But don't worry Lil, I knew you'd stay."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Well thanks, Mikey. Who thought I would leave?"

He was just about to answer me when the others entered the room. Raphael looked like he was wanting to kill Mikey as he passed him by. Mikey then pointed quickly to Leonardo behind his back, as an answer to my question. No surprise there, I guess.

"Do not get too comfortable." Splinter said to them. "I just called in the order for dinner. Lily is joining us."

All at once, each turtle got a smile on their face, even Leonardo and Raphael - although those two were obviously trying to hide it. Mikey jumped up off of the couch in excitement.

"You can watch Survivor with us!" He exclaimed. "It's the finale tonight and it's gonna be _superrrr_ intense."

His brothers all groaned in unison, apparently not a fan of the reality show.

"Sure." I said, not wanting to be mean to the youngest turtle. "I haven't seen any of the other episodes but I'm sur-"

"Oh no." Donatello interrupted me loudly, sounding horrified.

"Oh, don't worry. I have the whole season recorded. We'll get ya caught up. You can't just watch the ending." Mikey said, sounding even more excited, if that was possible.

The others all groaned some more, Donatello sinking into one of the large chairs, looking sulky. I bit my lip, realizing that I had just turned their one hour of torture into many. Mikey seemed oblivious to his brother's complaints, only looking at me with glee filled eyes.

"I guess that means I'm getting the pizza." Leonardo said, sounding smug, like he was getting out of a punishment. "You want to come Raph?"

"Nah, I'll stay." Raphael responded, even though I figured he would have already been out of the door. Leonardo shrugged and left.

"Come on, Lil." Mikey called, motioning to the spot next to him on the large couch.

I got up, taking my mug of tea with me, and settled in. I didn't feel so small next to Michelangelo. He was much shorter than the others, plus he was so easy going and thrilled about me staying that I didn't feel as shy as I thought I would about sitting so close to him, or being here with them all in general.

At least, I wasn't feeling shy, until Raphael took up the spot on the other side of me. I never, in a million years, would have guessed that one day I would be sandwiched between two mutant turtles, about to eat pizza and watch a marathon of Survivor. Next to Raphael, I felt tiny again, his leg about twice the size of mine. I noticed that he was careful to not sit too close or let his body touch mine. Mikey, on the other hand, had spread his legs out onto the coffee table and put his hands behind his head, seeming totally at ease.

So, there I was, sitting between the two brothers, waiting for Mikey to pull up all the episodes that I needed to watch before being worthy of seeing the finale. Donatello was reading a book in the other chair, one that looked long and had those thin tissue-like pages with the tiny words.

Each of the turtles were so different, and it was amusing just to watch them. Leonardo was the oldest, that much seemed clear. He was the one in charge, although it was easy to see that him and Raphael butted heads over that fact. There was a tension between them that even I, the newcomer, could feel.

Donatello was the brain. Seeing him read a book like that made me believe that most of the technology around their home had come from him - no offense to the others, but it didn't seem like it could have been any one else.

Mikey was the youngest, the most easy going. I could tell that there was strength to him, but not in the same way as his brothers.

And then Raphael... he was hard to pin down. I knew he had a temper, and I had already witnessed how strong he was. Physically, he was the biggest, which probably made him the toughest. There was more too him than that, though. He had risked his family's safety to save my life. What I had wondered earlier - about if he wished he had never done that - seemed to not be true. I figured that if he wanted nothing to do with me, he wouldn't have come after me in the alley yesterday or sat next to me on the couch when there were many other places to sit.

The pizza came and went, as did about six episodes of Survivor before the final episode. I had to admit, I actually got pretty into it, arguing with Mikey the entire time over who I wanted to win. In the end, my favorite was the winner, and Mikey pouted. I hadn't laughed so much in a long, long time. Even the others seemed to get sucked into the enthusiasm of their younger brother. He was absolutely contagious.

I could tell they were all truly kindhearted. They hadn't spent their lives trying to impress others, trying to dress a certain way, or be someone that they weren't. They had grown up with only each other, with family, and it had made them into a type of person I didn't think existed. They were curious about everything and they were not at all judgmental. When I spoke, I had their full attention. They listened and they learned: they saw everything in life as a lesson.

I assumed that was all Splinter's doing. I no longer feared for my life. I knew that I was safe with them.

In a way they were innocent, not corrupted like most people. As I sat with the four brothers, every terrible thing I had believed about the world seemed to fall away, bringing the belief of fairy tales and fantasy back to life within me. Something inside of me seemed to be whispering "_things will never be the same_."

After the show had come to an end, it came down to me to decide what we were going to watch next. Since there seemed to be no way they were all going to settle on another TV show, I suggested a movie, which went over a lot better. There had been no mention of me going home, and I had no intentions of bringing it up. Splinter had left the room long ago, saying something about meditating before bed. It was late, and as the movie started, I felt the nights of restless sleep begin to creep up on me. I found myself trying to keep my yawns at bay.

I didn't want to go home. I didn't want the night to end.

I watched as Donatello drifted off in his chair and Mikey nodded off beside me. I couldn't tell if Leonardo was sleeping or just sitting very still, because his back was turned to me. That left Raphael and I. Each moment that passed, I felt like I was sinking deeper into the couch. I eventually tucked my feet at my side, shoes left on the ground. And slowly, without really even comprehending what I was doing, I lowered my head onto Raphael's arm. I vaguely wondered if it was a bad thing to do. I waited for him to react, but he never did. He just let me rest there, falling asleep faster than I ever had in my life.


	6. Chapter 6: Observations

I blinked my eyes slowly, focusing in on the unfamiliar sounds and surroundings. The room was dimly lite by a small crack of light from the slightly ajar door. I read the time on the alarm clock next to me: 3:55 AM. I sat up, pushing a few messy strands of hair out of my face. I was in a room covered in posters. A few I could make out as ones from movies or bands. Long pipes ran along the ceiling and there were shelves lining each of the walls, full of what looked like books and other random knickknacks. There was an oddly shaped object over in the far corner, and at first I thought it was a person, making my heart start to race. Then, as my eyes got used to the darkness, I realized that it was a punching bag. The bed I was in was huge, and I had about five blankets piled on top of me. The feeling of my hot skin made me understand why I had woken up: I was burning up under all the covers.

Carefully, I pushed them aside and put my feet to the floor, which was covered by a large rug. I padded slowly to the door and found myself standing in a long hallway. I listened, hearing the sounds of the TV echoing from the living room. The cement floor didn't creak as I walked, so I didn't have to worry about waking anyone up as I ventured towards the noise.

Raphael was sleeping on the couch, laying on his stomach with his arms folded under his head. All the armor had been stripped off, exposing more of his green skin. He had no weapons at his side, and no red mask covering his face. I looked at him for a long moment, taking in each and every detail. I looked at his shell - now noticing a red symbol painted on it - and at the way his body rose with each breath. His features looked so gentle as he slept. He really was magnificent, something so amazing I didn't think I'd ever have the words to properly describe him.

I turned around and made my way back to the room before he could wake up and catch me. He was a ninja after all. This time when I entered the room, my eyes found a set of hooks next to the door. On them hung both of Raphael's weapons, his armor, and the red mask. I reached out and touched one of the three sharp points before I climbed back into the giant bed, this time pulling only one of the covers over me. I fell asleep quickly, lost into dreamland once more.

* * *

When me eyes opened again, the clock read 7:20 AM. Even though I had woken up briefly during the night, I felt more rested than I had in a while. The room was still dark, what with there being no windows, but I was able to poke around the walls until I found the main light switch. Now that I could properly see, the first thing I headed for was the mirror. I took in my rumpled clothes, messy hair, and left over make up smudged around my eyes. Great, I was a mess. I wondered if I could sneak out to the living room before anyone saw me to retrieve my purse.

As I headed quietly over to the door, I noticed that at the foot of the bed were my shoes and bag. A rush of relief went through me, and I set to work. If I couldn't change my clothes, at least I'd be able to tie my hair up and apply some lip gloss. I slipped my shoes back on once I had finished and left the room. The brothers were no where to be seen or heard, but I found Splinter in the kitchen. He was sitting at the table, a cup of what I guessed to be tea sitting before him.

"Good morning." He greeted me warmly.

"Good morning." I replied, feeling embarrassed that I had stayed the night. I sat down across from him. "I hope I didn't over stay my welcome. I guess I was more tired than I thought."

"You are welcome here when ever and for how ever long you would like to stay." He said kindly.

I nodded sheepishly, hoping my cheeks didn't turn too red.

"Are you hungry?" Splinter asked.

"Uhm, I'll wait for the others to eat." I said, wondering where they were.

Raphael was no longer on the couch, so I assumed that they were all awake. Again I felt embarrassed for sleeping in longer than everyone else.

"You might be waiting a while, my dear. They do not eat until after their morning practice."

I was about to say that was fine with me, but before I opened my mouth, my stomach grumbled in protest. "Maybe something to tide me over."

"We have plenty of choices. Would you prefer cereal, or a granola bar? Perhaps some fruit? We also have an wide variety of those pastries you put into the toaster."

I giggled. "Poptarts?"

Splinter made a face. "No, not those dreadful things. The other ones."

"Uhm, Toaster Strudel?" I guessed.

"Ah yes, those are the ones." He said, getting up and pulling a box out of the freezer. I saw that they were the strawberry flavored ones.

"Those are my favorite." I said, about to get up and help him.

"Sit." He commanded firmly, waving me off as he started to open the container. "Or if you would like to freshen up, there is a bathroom down the hall. Fourth door on your right."

Now that he had mentioned it, I noticed how badly I needed to pee. I went back down the corridor, noting that there were many closed doors along the way. I figured some of them were bedrooms, but I wondered what could be behind the others.

Again, I was astonished to find that the bathroom was just as spotless as the rest of their home. I peeked around a bit when I was done, seeing many different types of liquids and large, thick bristled brushes. I wondered if they were for the turtle's shells. I left the bathroom to find Splinter coming down the hall, a plate and cup of what appeared to be orange juice in his paws.

"Thank you." I said, as he handed them to me. I then stood there awkwardly, unsure what to do next. "Should I uh, go back to the living room while they practice?"

"No, no." Splinter said, motioning for me to follow him. "I think it will be good for them to have an audience."

I detected a bit of slyness in his voice. We walked down the passage for a few more moments before we came to the end, which opened up into a large, circular room. There were many different objects spread around it: punching bags, dummys with bulls-eyes painted on them, and various types of weights. The four brothers were against the far wall, appearing to have just finished putting on all of the armor that they usually wore around their knees, elbows, chests, and feet.

"Mornin' sunshine!" Mikey greeted me cheerfully. "Are you ready to see me kick these guys' ass- er, butts?" He said, giving Splinter a sheepish grin and then playfully punching Donatello in the arm, leaving Donatello looking rather un-amused.

"Absolutely." I replied, laughing.

Splinter pulled a chair over to one of the far corners for me to sit in. I made myself comfortable, not sure what to expect next. I noticed that Raphael was looking at me out of the corner of his eye as he taped up his fists.

An hour came and went, and the entire time I was in absolute awe of the brothers. What they could do was amazing, each one of them a complete powerhouse in their own unique way. I watched them practice together, against each other, and also against Splinter, who beat them all every time. Every movement Splinter made was flawless and full of strength, which was not something I had expected to see from him. I suspected him to be far older than he appeared to be, but that didn't seem to hinder him in any way.

Splinter dismissed them not long after the hour passed, and I was sad, wishing I could watch them practice all day long. He came over to stand beside me.

"Are they done?" I questioned.

"No. They are to clear their minds for a moment before the end, where they must fight against each other once more." He explained.

I watched as each turtle rebound their hands and feet, rolling their shoulders and cracking their knuckles. None of them spoke - even Mikey.

Donatello and Leonardo then stepped into the middle of the room and bowed before each other. They each took up a starting stance, and then began.

"Tell me what you see." Splinter said to me. I wasn't sure what he meant.

"Tell me what you notice about how they each fight." He further explained after seeing my confused expression.

I watched the two brothers for a while, trying to concentrate on each of their movements. I didn't want to give a bad answer - I wanted to impress Splinter.

"Donatello is thinking too much," I said finally. I could see the way his brow was furrowed as he fought. "He looks like he is trying to calculate every movement Leonardo is about to make, and then figure out what move he should do after."

I then focused on the blue masked turtle. "Leonardo seems to be too focused on his technique. Every move is executed perfectly, but when you were fighting him, I noticed that you were always able to break his defenses because you knew exactly what he would do next."

Splinter was quiet for a moment after I finished, and I wondered if I had sounded like an idiot.

"Very good." He finally praised me. "Very good observations."

The two brothers fought for a little while longer, but then Leonardo prevailed. They moved off of the floor as Mikey and Raphael took their places. My heart bounced around in my chest as I took the opportunity to soak in every detail about Raphael - he was by far the most intense one to watch fight. They bowed to each other just as the others had done. Mikey looked very serious, which was something I wasn't used to.

"Again, tell me what you see." Splinter said as they began to fight. This match up was easier to figure out.

"Michelangelo is all over the place. You can tell he isn't thinking about what he is doing, which has it's advantages. It makes him unpredictable. But he also isn't thinking about his opponent, and that makes him weak."

I cringed as Raphael took Mikey to the ground, and I thought the fight would be over. Mikey got away though, just barely.

"Raphael..." I said, my insides twisting in both wonder and nerves at the sight of his power. "He is the strongest. He overpowers the others; that is how he wins. He is a strong fighter, almost as strong as Leonardo, but its easy to see that he thinks he can win from his strength alone. That is where his weakness is."

Despite my comments, Raphael finally pinned down Mikey and won. Their fight had been much shorter than the other. The two defeated brothers came over to stand beside Splinter and I, looking worn out.

"Surprise, surprise. Raph and Leo." Mikey muttered, kneeling down next to me.

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly.

"Usually their match ups don't end well." Mikey said, giving me a look.

Ah. So, Leonardo and Raphael beat their younger brothers, and then Leonardo beat Raphael. That explained some of the tension between the two oldest turtles.

Their fight was the most intense to watch. I could tell that they were going all out on each other, each trying their hardest to prevail. I felt anxious watching them, like they were both ticking time bombs. No one on the sidelines moved or spoke. Splinter was the only one who looked completely calm.

I could tell that they were both tired. Sweat dripped down their faces and arms, but they fought on. It was then that Raphael launched off the ground, landing a high kick square in Leonardo's chest. The blue masked turtle fell, his weapon still in his hand, but he wasn't quick enough to get back on his feet. His sword was knocked from his grip, and Raphael was the winner.

"Woah." Mikey said under his breath.

Woah, indeed.

The room was silent, no one daring to be the first to speak. Leonardo got up slowly and held out his hand, a peace offering to his brother, but Raphael didn't take it. He turned and walked out of the room, leaving Leonardo looking hurt. I glanced over at Mikey and all he could do was shrug at me.

I wasn't exactly sure what compelled me to get up and go after Raphael, but before I could stop myself, I was already at the door.

"You all did an amazing job. Thank you for letting me watch." I said to the others before I left, giving them all a smile.

I found Raphael in his room, wiping down his face with a towel. He didn't even seem to notice me come in, but I'm sure he knew. I'd seen his body language change as soon as I had entered. I pondered how to start the conversation. Bringing up the fight didn't seem like a good idea, at least not right off the bat, so I went for a different approach.

"Thank you for letting me sleep in your bed. I would have been fine on the couch." I said softly, making sure to keep my distance. "But, I appreciated it."

"You're welcome." He replied. "You looked tired, and that couch sucks."

I stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to say next.

"Where you... warm enough?" He asked, his voice hesitant.

My eyes met his and I couldn't keep a smile from forming on my lips. "Yes. Very."

"Good." He seemed embarrassed at showing any signs of caring, his voice getting gruffer. "Donnie said you might feel the cold more than we do down here. So I got extra blankets."

I nodded. Now the intense amount of covers made sense. My eyes wandered away from him to all the posters around the room. Now that I was actually taking the time to look at them, I saw that many of the pictures were of bands and movies that I loved.

"We like a lot of the same things." I observed, moving over the shelves to examine the books on it.

So far, I realized, this was the first real conversation we'd had. It was nice to talk about normal things with him, instead of mutations and me almost dying.

"So, uh. You're a very skilled fighter." I told him, trying to sound casual but knowing that I had failed horribly.

"I practice a lot." He said, his eyes narrowing slightly. He seemed suspicious of me, like he didn't trust that I actually was complimenting him.

"Well, it's impressive." I replied honestly, looking right at him as I said it. "Not many people have the ability to do what you can. People like me, for instance. I can't even walk in a straight line most of the time."

He was just staring at me as I talked... It was like he couldn't figure out why I was making jokes instead of taking the first chance I had to leave. It was an expression of both curiosity and suspicion.

"What are they called?" I asked, motioning to the two three-pointed weapons at his sides. It was something I had been wondering about since I first saw them.

"Sai." Raphael answered.

Before either of us could say another word, the door opened and Mikey stuck his head in.

"Yo! Breakfast a la Mikey is being served in two minutes. If you want a say of what goes in your food, I suggest you hurry up."

And then he was gone. Raphael shook his head in annoyance.

"That sounds kind of scary." I commented, giggling nervously.

"You know you don't have to stay." Raphael said, his tone flat, like he was trying to show no emotion. "I can take you home."

At first, I was a bit let down by his words. I was surprised at just how much I didn't want to go... No, I didn't want to leave at all, and as I looked at him, I didn't see a face that actually wanted me to leave. Instead, I saw someone who had no idea how to say that he wanted me to stay. This was a person who probably never thought he would talk to another person aside from his family.

"Go home? Nah, you're gonna have to deal with being stuck with me for a little while longer." I teased.

Raphael just shrugged and motioned for me to lead the way. We journeyed back to the kitchen.

"You are so lucky, bro. I was seriously just about to put jelly beans in you're pancakes." Mikey said, not even turning around as we entered the room.

How did he do that?

The kitchen was a huge mess. Pots and pans were spread out everywhere, a huge bag of pancake mix was spilling over, and the water to the faucet was on even though no one was even near it. Mikey was standing in front of the oven, cooking, I assumed, but who knew with him.

"Do it and I'll kill you." Raphael said, making it sound more like a dare than a threat.

The other turtles were sitting around the table. I noticed that Leonardo was acting un-phased by Raphael, as were the others. I had a strong feeling that what had happened between the two oldest wasn't that usual.

Donatello was reading the paper, a cup of something hot and dark in front of him.

"Is that coffee?" I asked hopefully, turning off the faucet to the sink as I passed by it, and then taking the seat next to Leonardo so that Raphael wouldn't have to.

"It's hot chocolate. We don't allow coffee in the house." Leonardo said dryly.

"Yeah, it makes Mikey even more of a pain in the ass than he is already." Raphael elaborated, after seeing my confused expression.

He knocked Mikey lightly in the arm, who ignored him, still busy tending to what looked like four separate pans on the stove top.

"Gotcha." I replied, chuckling. I watched as Raphael grabbed two cups and began to fill them up. He put one in front of me as he sat in the chair next to mine.

"Thank you." I said with a grin.

Raphael seemed a little bit different after our talk in his room. He was still hard to read, his eyes as serious as they always were. I took a drink of the hot chocolate and was overcome with it's deliciousness.

"Oh my god." I said in shock. "This is so good."

"Thanks Lil, its my special recipe!" Mikey called over to me. "It's taken years to perfect."

"Well if your cooking is as good as this is, you guys will never get rid of me. Seriously. Food is my weakness."

"Good job, Raph." Mikey laughed. "I'm glad you saved _her_ life."

My cheeks turned red, I'm sure, so I just continued to drink my hot chocolate. It was then that the plates began flying.

Mikey was flinging them from the stove onto the table, and they were sliding across the surface, landing in front of each turtle and myself perfectly. Now, I was really impressed. A stack of what looked like chocolate chip pancakes and eggs sat before me. I dug into the food happily, the toaster strudel long forgotten in my mind. I was starving.

"So?" Mikey prompted after a minute. He sounded nervous.

"I'm never leaving." I replied simply, which got a cheer from Mikey, and laughs from the others.

As we chatted and ate, there was no mention of what had happened during practice that morning. I was going to ask where Splinter was, but I got a feeling that I should keep my mouth shut. His absence may have been tied to the tension between the two brothers, and I didn't want to be the one who brought it up by being nosy. When I finished my food I took my plates over the sink, which immediately got me into trouble.

"Don't even think about it, Lily." Leonardo said sternly as he saw me about to pick up a sponge. "Mikey made the mess, Mikey cleans it up."

"I was just going to rinse it o-" I stopped talking as Leonardo's glare deepened.

"Oookay." I said, going back to my seat. I wasn't about to challenge his authority.

"Don't worry, Lil. It won't be me doing all the work." Mikey said smugly. "Raph is gonna help me, aren't ya bro?"

Even I knew those were fighting words. I saw Raphael clench his fists, shooting Mikey a look that could kill. But, he didn't actually say anything. No threat, no snarky comeback... nothing. I was shocked and it seemed like I wasn't the only one. Leonardo and Donatello were looking between the two like they had just stepped into an alternate universe.

"Well..." Leonardo said finally, breaking the silence. "While you two are doing that, I'm going to get cleaned up."

"And I uh, need to finish something in my lab." Donatello said, as he rushed out of the room right on Leonardo's heels.

"If you need to shower or uh, something, you can use the bathroom that's across from my room." Raphael said as he stood up, hands full of dirty plates. "That's mine."

"You have more than one?" I asked. I had assumed that Leonardo was going to shower when he said he would be getting cleaned up.

"Oh, yeah." Mikey said, like it was a big deal. "When we only had one, it was war around here. Like, after practice, it was a big problem who got to use it first. After Splinter of course, cause you know, he's our father and -"

"Mikey." Raphael hissed, his annoyance finally coming to surface. "Stop talking and help me."

I figured that I was probably being more of a distraction than a help by staying in the kitchen, and a shower did sound good.

"Use whatever you want." Raphael said as I stood up. "Towels should be in there."

"Thanks." I replied, leaving the two brothers to clean, hopefully, in peace.


	7. Chapter 7: Home Again

I found the bathroom, located towels, and was happy to discover that all the fixtures in the shower were normal so that I wouldn't have to ask for help. I didn't see any shampoo or conditioner, which made sense since they didn't have hair, but there was body wash, which was good enough for me. I cleaned off, rinsed, and then got out of the shower feeling good as new. I got dressed quickly and then I ventured back towards the living room, listening for any signs of Raphael killing Mikey. I didn't hear anything, so I peeked around the corner to find a spotless kitchen.

How did they do that?

I had probably only been gone twenty minutes and the entire kitchen had been trashed when I left. I shook my head, smiling to myself at all the mysterious things I was discovering about the brothers.

I turned back around, almost jumping out of my skin as my eyes landed on Donatello who had come up behind me. I put my hand on my heart as it pounded.

"You scared me!" I cried breathlessly.

"I'm sorry." He replied sheepishly, pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. "I uh, have something for you."

He held up what I remembered as the phone-like device Splinter had ordered dinner on last night, only this one was a bit smaller. I took it, giving him a questioning look as I did.

"I developed phones for us to use. They get service down here in the sewer, and they are on a system that I set up myself, so our phone calls can't be tracked or located. Its for you, so you can, you know, get a hold of us if you need to. Originally, I had made it for Splinter, but he needed a bigger one, so I've had this one as an extra." He rambled, sounding nervous and not even looking me in the eyes.

"Thank you!" I said, grinning. "That's so sweet of you. Really."

I flipped it open, pressing buttons and trying to figure out how it worked.

"So I go here..." I said, showing him the screen. "...to find who I want to call, and then I press this and..."

A ringing came from Donatello's belt, and he pulled out a much, much larger version of the phone he had just given me.

"Very good." He praised me, sounding appreciative of the fact that I figured out how to use it all on my own so quickly. "I put in the codes for the front door in there too. There is a tracker built into the phone and it sends out a signal to our security system so that the alarms won't go off when you walk by them."

"Fancy." I commented as I studied the small device and pushed more buttons. "So you have a lab?" I asked, remembering what he had said earlier at breakfast.

He nodded.

"Can I see it?"

"Su-sure." Donatello stammered, appearing to be shocked that I was interested in such a thing.

He lead me down the hall to one of the closed doors I had yet to see inside of yet. There were about twenty monitors along the walls in the room. Some were turned off, but most of them were showing footage from the cameras inside of the sewers leading up to their home. There were three computers: a very old desktop, a newer desktop, and a newer laptop. There was also a wide array of things I had no idea as to what they were, and a big metal table that I assumed was where he tinkered. There were lots of random items scattered along the surface of it and the only open space was located in front of a lone stool.

"Wow." I stated as I admired the equipment. "You have got to let me game on these sometime. I would die of happiness. My computer kinda sucks."

"I could uh, take a look at it sometime." Donatello offered. "See if I can make it work better..."

"You'd be my hero." I said, giving him a kind smile. "So, what kind of things do you build? Besides cell phones." I questioned him with fascination.

"Uhm, lots of things." He said, shyly. "I fixed up or built all the appliances in our home. I make sure all of the alarm systems I put in throughout the tunnels are working. Most of the time I just toy around with ideas that I've had for, you know, useful inventions."

"That's awesome." I told him honestly, getting the feeling that his brothers probably didn't show much interest in these kind of things. I was just about to ask him about his current invention, when Mikey appeared in the door way.

"Donnie, if you bore Lily to death with your nerd speak then she'll never wanna come back." He said mockingly.

"I asked to see his lab." I retorted sharply, narrowing my eyes at the orange masked turtle and putting my hands on my hips. "I think its cool."

Mikey's eyes widened, and he held up his hands in surrender. Donatello beamed at me and then gave Mikey the biggest shit eating grin.

"So," I said changing the subject. "Where are Raphael and Leonardo?"

"About that..." Mikey said awkwardly. "Splinter stuck them in the Hashi."

"Again?" Donatello asked flatly.

"What?" I said, totally confused.

"The Hashi." Donatello repeated. "It's where Splinter makes us go when we've done something disrespectful, something that is against our training."

"Where is it?" I asked, still not understanding.

"It's _deeeeep_ in the sewer." Mikey said dramatically. "It's pretty much a torture chamber."

"Ah." I replied, noting that even though Mikey was making it sound bad, he didn't seem too upset that his brothers were in there.

"Raph and Leo are in there at least once a week." Donatello explained as if he was reading my mind. "It's really not that big of a deal. They'll be out in a few hours."

"Hours?!" I exclaimed and Donatello nodded.

"I dunno about that this time though," Mikey said. "Splinter was pretty mad about what Raph did to Leo during practice. I overheard them talking."

"What Raphael did?" I asked. "You mean when he didn't shake Leonardo's hand after he won?"

"Yes," Donatello replied. "That's the highest form of disrespect you can show after defeating an opponent. Not to mention Leo is Raph's brother - his older brother - which only makes the disrespect Raph showed even worse."

All I could do was nod. It made sense.

"Yeah, super sucky... But, oh well! Wanna play some video games?" Mikey asked me, his voice so hopeful, I couldn't say anything but yes.

And so for the next few hours I hung out with the two younger turtles, enjoying both of their company very much. Donatello seemed much more comfortable around me now, and I found that he was just as funny and goofy as Mikey. I knew that I needed to go home, even though not one part of me actually wanted to. But, once Raphael and Leonardo got out of the Hashi, I figured there would need to be some family time. I didn't want to be any more of a distraction. I also still feared over staying my welcome, even though Splinter made it clear he didn't mind.

I broke the news to the brothers that I needed to head home and they both looked at me with sadness. I flashed the phone Donatello gave me and promised that I would see them soon. Donatello excused himself from the room as I gathered my things. They were going to take me home, since I knew I would have no idea how to get back on my own. Mikey and I were waiting by the door when Donatello finally came back with two cans of spray paint in his hands and a piece of paper.

"What are those for?" Mikey questioned.

"I mapped out the quickest route from here to Lily's apartment. We can mark the route with paint so that she can find her way back here without us if she ever needed to." Donatello explained.

"You're sweet." I said, glad that they obviously wanted me to come back again. "Thank you."

He muttered his reply, looking very embarrassed.

I hoped that they wouldn't make me ride on any skateboards this time, and I almost started to panic when Mikey grabbed one and started on his way. Thankfully, Donatello kept walking at my side as we left their home. He tossed the cans of paint to Mikey and ordered him to spray as we journeyed through the tunnels. The path didn't seem that complicated, as there were only a few turns that I needed to take. The rest was just going down long, straight passages. Eventually, we came to a manhole that Donatello said would lead to an alley about three blocks from my street.

"Hey." I said, something from earlier popping into my head. "Mikey, why did Raphael have to help you clean up after breakfast?"

Mikey gave me a sly grin. "Cause Raph asked me to make breakfast for you during practice, and I told him the only way I'd do it was if he helped me clean. I mean, I had been planning on cooking something special for you anyways, Lil. But then Raph asked, and he like _never_ asks for favors, so I gotta milk him for all he's worth when he does."

I laughed, feeling pretty special that Raphael had done such a thing.

I thanked both the brothers for hanging out with me and getting me home safely. Mikey wasn't shy at all, wrapping me into his arms and lifting me off of my feet as he hugged me goodbye. When I embraced Donatello, at first he tensed up, but then finally loosened, returning my hug happily. I waved to them as I climbed out of the sewer and went back to the above ground world. I put my hand into my purse and clenched the phone, making sure it was still there.

I held it all the way home, hoping that the feeling of emptiness wouldn't stay with me for too long.


	8. Chapter 8: Leader

My home felt foreign to me.

I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I made some food and played games for the rest of the day, sinking into the fantasy world, trying to distract my mind. When that didn't work, I put my headphones on and blasted music as I cleaned, my usual cure for when I was obsessing. Once I cleaned everything that I possibly could, it was late. Trying to sleep would probably be the worst thing to do, so I sat on my couch and tried to pick something to watch on TV.

It was then that an annoying beeping sound filled my ears. I immediately flew over to my purse and pulled out the T-phone, praying that it was the source of the noise. It was. I flipped it open and a message popped up on the screen: _Open your window_.

The sender was "R".

I ran into my room, unlatched the lock, and pushed the window pane up. A cool breeze hit my face, and I stuck my head out into the darkness, trying to see if Raphael was there. I didn't see anything move, so I went back to the phone to try and send a reply. I hadn't even typed out the first word before I heard a thud behind me and I turned around to see him standing there.

"Hi." I said, suddenly feeling shy. "You're free."

"Sorry 'bout that. I hope Mikey and Donnie didn't annoy you too much." Raphael replied.

"They didn't annoy me at all!" I said quickly. "I had a good time hanging out with them. I kicked Mikey's ass at Killer Instinct."

Raphael chuckled, giving me an appreciative look. "Good."

"Did everything go okay in the uh, the Hashi?" I asked, hoping that I was pronouncing it right.

He shrugged, and I could tell that something was bothering him. I waited for him to continue, not wanting to pressure him into talking to me if he didn't want to.

"Leo and I are different. It's hard for things to be okay with him, unless of course, things are exactly the way that he wants them. Then it's all great." He added bitterly.

"I hope I didn't contribute to the uh, problem... He didn't seem too thrilled about me finding out about all of you."

"Nah, that was all on me. He's just mad because something big happened without him knowing about it right away. He takes his role as the leader too seriously." Raphael explained, and I noticed the way he said "leader", like he was angry about it.

"Who says he is the leader?" I asked.

"Splinter." Raphael sighed. I could tell there wasn't any resentment towards his father over this choice, only frustration.

"And you want to be the leader instead?"

"No. I just want Leo to stop thinkin' he can control me."

I could see that this conversation was making Raphael get worked up again, his tone getting lower and lower as we talked. He had a temper, and it seemed like Leonardo knew how to push all the buttons in order to get him to explode. It felt like a good time to change the subject, but before I could, he was already backing away to leave.

"I gotta go. I've already been gone longer than I should have. Donnie showed you how to find us?" Raphael asked, already halfway out the window.

"Yeah." I said sadly, wanting nothing more than to go with him.

"Good."

That was all he said before vanishing. I stood there and stared at the open window, not minding the cold air that was blowing in. It seemed like he was always leaving - like he was afraid to stay for any longer than a few minutes. I was so fascinated about every aspect of Raphael and his brothers. I wondered if they was just as curious about me...

I couldn't help but laugh to myself.

_Yeah, right_.

Like they'd ever be as enthralled with me as I was with them. I really wasn't that interesting. I was shy, quiet, an introvert. Humans barely even wanted to get to know me, so why would I expect any different from the brothers?


	9. Chapter 9: The Foot Clan

The weekend was over which meant having to go back to work. After all the events that had taken place on my days off, I felt a bit more put together. I now knew the truth about the turtles, I knew where to find them, how to contact them, and I also knew that I would (hopefully) see them again. I wasn't as on edge or as lost in my thoughts.

I brushed off my coworker's questions, telling them I had just felt really sick the week before, but now I was better. I went out with them and got my usual coffee at lunch time. I talked and laughed like normal, even though nothing was the same anymore.

My eyes saw the world in a completely new way - I saw all the possibilities, all the dreams I had shoved aside, all the hopes I had hidden deep within me. It seemed like anything could happen, at any time, anywhere.

In a sense, I was happier than before. A fire had been rekindled inside of me, one that burned warmth throughout my skin when I thought of the brothers. This also proved to be hard on me as well, because I found myself comparing everyone to them, and no one even came close. A guy would smile at me, and I would barely even notice because all I wanted was for Raphael to smile at me like that. Someone would make a joke, but I would think about how much more humorous and lighthearted Mikey was. I would see an add for the latest iPhone and I would image how Donatello would make it a million times better.

Work kept me busy the next few days, going in early and staying late. I hadn't been in touch with the brothers at all. But, when Thursday rolled around and I got off of work, a text came to my T-phone. An excited rush went through me, only slightly wavering when I saw an "M" as the sender and not an "R".

_Pizza? :)_ it said simply, and I smiled at the little screen.

_Yes! Be there soon, don't eat it all before I get there. _I replied as I hurried home to change clothes, and then started off towards the manhole that would lead me back underground.

I followed the path easily, making sure to avoid stepping in the puddles on the ground and a few low hanging cobwebs. I wondered if they already knew I was on my way because of the cameras lining the walls. I finally made my way to their door, punched in the code, and entered their unnaturally quiet home. No one was in the main room and all the TVs were turned off. The kitchen was clean, so I assumed that they hadn't returned from getting dinner yet.

I ventured down the hallway, first knocking on Raphael's door and then on the door to Donatello's lab, since those were the only two rooms I had seen so far, and I wasn't about to go knocking on random ones. I decided to try their practice room just in case. I was just about there when I heard noises coming from the living room. I smiled and started back in that direction, stopping short when I got close enough to hear the conversation that was taking place.

"Dude, relax." Mikey was saying, and then I heard one of the TVs click on, voices murmuring in the background. "You've been stomping around for days."

"Shut up." Raphael huffed.

"Come on, don't be mad that I texted Lil before you did. I told you to do it, didn't I? It's not my fault you didn't listen."

"Shut up, Mikey. And I told you, stop calling her 'Lil'." Raphael growled.

"Nah, she likes it." Mikey replied, and I could hear the smugness practically dripping from his mouth as he spoke.

I knew this conversation wasn't going to end well. My heart was pounding as I stood in the shadows of he hallway. I had no idea what to do - I was trapped. They were talking about me and if I revealed myself the situation would be way too awkward. I wondered if I could play it off like I hadn't heard anything at all... that seemed like my best bet. I backed away slowly as they continued talking.

"I wonder if Lil's on her way..." Mikey was saying mockingly, and then a loud thud rang through the hall.

"Relax!" Mikey cried, sounding a little less confident now. "I'm just kidding, okay?"

I heard a door slam and then it was quiet again, aside from the sounds of the TV, so I decided to make my move. I walked quickly down the hall and when I saw Mikey lounging on the couch I put on my best surprised face.

"There you are!" I exclaimed happily. Mikey's head whipped around in shock, his bright eyes widening.

"Lily!" He cried.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I just got here a few minutes ago and had to use the restroom. I walked through a few too many cobwebs on my way here so I had to make sure I didn't have any spiders on me." I laughed nervously, hoping he wouldn't catch on. "Is it just you here?" I asked casually as I sat down on one of the big chairs.

"No, uh Raph is here too. He just uh, stepped out for a minute." Mikey said, seeming to relax a little. He appeared to be buying my story. "I'll let him know you're here." He pulled out his phone and quickly typed a message.

I turned my attention to the TV, breathing a sigh of relief. Now that the crisis had been avoided, I felt my muscles start to loosen. My mind started to wander to the conversation I had overheard - _Raphael wanted to see me?_ \- but I didn't want to read too much into it when it probably didn't mean anything.

"So, where are the others?" I asked Mikey, trying to distract myself.

"They're out putting up some extra security cameras."

"Oh." I said, worried. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Leo's just being paranoid like usual. He uh, kinda got pissed at Donnie and I for marking that path for you to follow back here." Mikey explained.

"Oh." I replied, softly.

"Hey, don't worry about it. We've never had anyone come this deep into the sewers before. He's just enjoys being bossy." Mikey said, but I didn't believe him. Somehow his attitude seemed a little bit too cool, like he was trying too hard to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal.

I was going to try and get a little more information out of him, but Raphael emerged from the front door. I knew that he would be harder to fool than Mikey, and from the look on his face, he seemed pretty sure that I had heard their conversation earlier. Mikey was obviously trying to avoid Raphael's cold stare, squirming on the couch before standing up quickly and excusing himself, mumbling something about needing to shower.

Raphael came over to me and I stood up to face him, trying hard to not break under his harsh expression like Mikey had.

"Did you hear?" He asked me, his tone so low it sent a chill down my spine.

I nodded slowly, knowing that lying to him would be worse than telling the truth.

"I'm gonna kill Mikey." He said, shaking his head with anger. "I really am."

"Its really not a big de-" I began, but he cut me off.

"He needs to learn when to keep his mouth shut." Raphael stated, seeming to not hear me.

I could tell he was seething, his features tight and his fists clenched. I had no idea what to do, except try to take the heat off of Mikey. It really wasn't his fault after all; I was the one who had wandered around their home instead of waiting on the couch for them to return like a normal person would have.

"Can we just let it go?" I asked. Again, he seemed to not hear me and instead he pushed past me towards the hallway. I guessed that he was headed to tear Mikey apart.

"So, was what he said a lie?" I called to him, putting my hands on my hips. I was actually starting to get a bit offended that he could just ignore me so easily.

"What?" Raphael snapped, flipping around.

"I see no reason for you to be so mad about this, unless Mikey was lying. So, was he?" I said, raising an eyebrow.

He stared at me hard, taking a moment to ponder his answer. "He wasn't lyin'," he finally muttered.

"Okay." I said, narrowing my eyes at him. He wasn't the only one who could give a good glare. "Then don't be mad at him for just pointing out the truth. He was right anyways, you should have just texted me if you wanted to. Then all of this would have been avoided. If you're gonna be mad at anyone, be mad at yourself."

I could see a vein in his neck appear, and I guessed it probably meant that he was now getting mad at me. I didn't care. He was being stupid and elusive when he didn't need to be. All I wanted was for him to open up a little bit.

After giving him some time to respond, I finally let out a heavy sigh. I didn't want to argue with him, but I also didn't want to waste my time if he was just going to keep trying to act indifferent to me. "I'll just go then. Tell Mikey I said goodbye."

He reached out and grabbed my wrist as I began to turn away. His hand was so big that his fingers wrapped around it completely. I looked up at him in shock, not because he had hurt me, but because this was the last thing I had expected him to do.

_I guess I'm staying._

The sound of the others returning brought me back into the real world. Raphael quickly dropped my wrist when he heard their voices too. I turned around to see Donatello, Leonardo, and Splinter come into the living room.

"Hi, Lily." Donatello greeted me warmly. In his arms were several tool boxes and he had dirt smudged on his arms, legs, and cheeks.

"Hey." I replied, hoping that I sounded somewhat normal.

Splinter was looking between Raphael and I curiously. I knew there was no hiding things from him.

"Where's Mikey?" Leonardo asked, his arms full of pizza as he walked past us on his way to the kitchen. He put them down on the table and then took a seat.

"Showerin'." Raphael said gruffly. I could tell he was trying to keep his voice normal too.

"Ah." Leonardo said. He picked up a piece of pizza and started to eat. "Aren't you hungry?"

I knew it was an innocent question, but I felt my face get hot again as I replied. "Uh, yeah. I'll get a slice in a minute."

Now Leonardo was staring at us too. "Whats going on? Is something wrong?"

"No." Raphael said, giving his brother a dangerous look that said _'stop asking so many questions'_.

Donatello had been digging through one of his toolboxes on the ground, but now he too was looking at us suspiciously. I knew I needed to take the conversation in a different direction, and fast.

"How did it go with the new security cameras?" I asked them, hoping the switch in topics sounded casual.

"Fine. Ran into some problems along sector 8, but I figured it out." Donatello replied, adjusting his glasses as he stood up. "Should all be working just fine. Speaking of which, I need to go check."

He left the room to go to his lab, and I fidgeted with the zipper on my hoodie.

"So uhm, why the need for the extra cameras?" I asked, looking between Splinter and Leonardo, as my earlier conversation with Mikey came back to me.

"No reason." Leonardo said firmly. "Just precautions."

Splinter hadn't said anything yet. He was still just standing there, not having moved an inch since arriving back home. Again, I felt like there was something they weren't telling me. Sure, I understood that the extra cameras might have been all my fault, but now that I saw the way they were all acting, I had a feeling there was something more going on.

But, It was clear they didn't feel like sharing that information. I couldn't tell if it was because they didn't trust me, or they just didn't want to tell this kind of family business to me, so I let it drop. Awkward silence filled the air, and I didn't know what to do.

"Raphael, why don't you take Lily to the weapons room." Splinter finally said. Both Leonardo and Raphael gave him a wide-eyed look in response.

"Go on," Splinter coaxed. There were many things not being said out loud.

I looked between the three of them, lost as to what was going on. Raphael turned without saying a word and started to walk away. Splinter gave me a reassuring nod, and so I followed him.

We went down the hall silently before he stopped at a room I had not yet been inside of. It was small and exactly what you would expect a so-called 'weapons room' to look like: extra sets of sai, nun-chucks, swords, and staffs lined the walls, along with extra punching bags and targets for practice. But, those things were not what made me stop short.

Along the walls were about a hundred different newspaper clippings, all with the same kind of headlines: Mysterious Death, Missing Chemicals, Fire Destroys Entire Building... The last one caught my eye. I stepped closer and looked at the date. I was no math genius like Donatello, but I figured it was from the fire at the lab where they had all been experimented on. It was then that I realized exactly what this all was: a timeline. It was a timeline that started the day they escaped the lab and ended with an article that came out two days ago.

"What is all this?" I asked, looking frantically at Raphael.

"We believe that the man who made us what we are is tryin' to start again where he left off." Raphael answered.

"So he is still alive..." I murmured, my mind going back to all that Splinter had told me about his old master.

Raphael nodded.

"And all this..." I said, as I pointed to the news paper scraps, "...you think this was all done by him?"

"We don't think - we know. We've been tracking 'em." Raphael said. "When I saved you I was out on patrol. Your area of the city is my responsibility. That is why I left so quickly; I had just gotten a message from Leo 'bout a possible attack. I was on my way to meet him when I came across you."

It all suddenly started to make sense. "That's why you were able to follow me every night."

"Yeah, and when Leo noticed that I was startin' to come back from my rounds late, he got suspicious and followed me."

"And that's how Mikey ended up in my room." I finished, chuckling lightly at the memory. "So, wait. Do the police know about this man?"

"They don't." He replied. "We've been able to keep the attacks to a minimum. Stoppin' them before they even happen... So far the Foot Clan has just been trying to rob companies for supplies. The unsolved murders might be tied to them, but we haven't seen 'em try to kill anyone... Yet." He added darkly.

"Or you've just been getting to them before they can kill anyone..." I said, still unable to look away from all the articles. "What is the Foot Clan? Have they seen you? Do they know who you are?" I questioned quickly.

"His followers. And no. It's gonna stay that way." Raphael said fiercely. "They can't know what happened to us. We're proof that whatever their cookin' up, works."

I chewed on my bottom lip nervously. The thought of Raphael and his brothers stalking the Foot Clan through the night made my heart start to pound. They were strong and talented, yes, but I knew that wasn't always enough.

"I wonder why they're suddenly trying to recreate the cure. Its been a long time." I mused, as my eyes continued to flick between the articles.

"Don't know," he admitted. "But, we will when we finally track them down."

There was nothing but determination in his voice. I knew he wasn't the type to give up before he got answers. Out of all of them, Raphael was the most unstable. That much was very clear to me. I couldn't imagine the kind of emotions tossing around inside of him over something as huge and life altering as this.

All I did know was that I had just been brought into their struggle and into their fight. Splinter had wanted me to see this room, and all that it contained, so that they wouldn't have to hide anything from me. I was now part of their lives just as much as they were a part of mine.

Something moved out of the corner of my eye and I turned around to find Leonardo standing in the doorway. He looked serious, as always. His eyes traveled past me to his brother.

"Donatello picked up something on the police scanner. Possible Foot Clan activity. We need to go." He said. Raphael nodded, his hands moving to the sai at his side.

"Mikey agreed to take Lily home." Leonardo added.

I sighed. "I don't need an escort. I can make it home fine by myself."

"Are you sure?" He asked, and I realized that he wasn't trying to be condescending. He seemed to truly be concerned that I made it home safe.

"Yes. Go." I insisted.

Leonardo gave me a slight nod and then left the room. I half expected Raphael to just follow him without saying a word to me, but he didn't move.

"Be safe." I said softly, trying to keep my voice from cracking with the fear that was beginning to grow inside of me.

"This shouldn't take long." Raphael said. "You can stay if you want."

A small smile formed on my lips as he left me. It only lasted a moment though, before I remembered that he was leaving to fight an enemy; an enemy that had survived flames and time to come back for a fight. I shivered and left the weapons room quickly, not wanting to be haunted by the articles any longer. I found Splinter in the kitchen. As usual, he was making tea.

"Do not worry." He said, sensing my presence. "I have trained my sons well."

He poured two cups of the hot liquid and turned to face me. "I am going to meditate. Would you care to join me?"

"I think I'll just hang out here..." I replied as he handed me the drink. "My head is a bit too crazy to meditate, and I don't want to disturb you."

He nodded and patted my arm lightly. It was a comforting gesture, though it didn't do much to calm my nerves. Once he was gone, I sat down on one of the big chairs and turned on the television. I found something random to watch, not really caring what was on the screen. I just needed the noise to keep me from being swallowed whole by my thoughts.

I'm not sure how long I sat there - four or five episodes, maybe? My tea was long gone and I hadn't moved so much as an inch since sitting down. All I could do was stare at the screen and wait for the brothers to return.


	10. Chapter 10: Worry

"_Sensei_!"

I jumped up quickly, my whole body feeling like I had just been shocked out of a trance. It was Donatello's voice. I ran over to the door just as the brothers entered the living room.

Physically, they all looked unharmed, but it was hard to tell with their mottled green skin. However, their expressions told me that something had gone wrong.

"What happened?!" Splinter demanded, appearing beside me all of the sudden.

"They ambushed us." Leonardo explained, his voice breathless. "The police scanner was hacked. We were lead there on purpose. They didn't see us - at least I don't think they did - and we were able to fight them off pretty easily but... It appears that they've caught onto us."

"Ambushed..." Splinter whispered to himself, looking very troubled at this news.

"We need to go back and see if we can track 'em down." Raphael said firmly. "This is our chance to find out where their base is!"

"No." Leonardo retorted. "I told you, that would be too dangerous."

"Shut up, Leo." Raphael snapped. "You don't know everything. This is our chance to-"

"We could have been seriously hurt, Raph. We're done for tonight." Leonardo cut him off, folding his arms and puffing up his chest. Raphael's eyes flashed with fury.

"I swear to God if you tell me what to do one more ti-"

"If you were capable of making wiser choices, maybe I wouldn't _have_ to tell you what to do."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Raphael hissed, lurching forward and getting right up in Leonardo's face.

"You know exactly what I mean." Leonardo replied, not seeming phased by Raphael's show of aggression.

"_Enough_!" Splinter finally intervened.

Raphael and Leonardo were only inches away from each other now, face to face, glaring at each other intently. Neither made any move to back down.

"You are not going anywhere tonight, Raphael." Splinter said in a tone that even I knew not to question. "You are to go and calm down. _Now_."

The two older brothers continued to stared each other for a few more moments before Raphael finally turned and walked away. Leonardo sighed.

"Leonardo, come with me." Splinter said once we heard Raphael's door slam shut. They both disappeared down the hall without another word.

"It's going to be fine." Donatello said, seeing the way that I was staring after them blankly.

"Yeah." Mikey said, coming over and putting his arm around me. "It's not the first, and it most certainly will not be the last, time that Leo and Raph have disagreed."

"I know." I told Mikey, giving him a reassuring smile, even though that wasn't what I was really worried about.

_Ambushed_. They had been ambushed by the Foot Clan. I could tell that Donatello and Mikey were freaked out about it too, but were trying to keep a strong face on for my sake.

"I should go." I said quickly, pulling away from Mikey and starting to gather up my things. "You should all be resting. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"I'll walk you 'til your manhole." Mikey offered.

I hurried down the sewer, barely even noticing the orange masked turtle as he walked beside me. I felt like I had been thrown into some kind of alternate universe. The Foot Clan? Hacking into police scanners? Giant mutant turtles who are ninjas? Was I insane or was this actually my life now?

Some how, the reality of everything I had seen since that fateful night in the alley seemed to come crashing down on me.

"Lily?" Mikey questioned, and I noticed that I had stopped walking. I was staring at the cement walls.

I sighed, rubbing my forehead to try and stop the headache that was forming.

"Sorry. I'm just... really worried about you guys." I replied, deciding that was the safest answer. I wasn't going to burden Mikey with my own personal issues. It wasn't like it was a lie. I was scared for them - very scared, actually.

"Really?" Mikey asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

"Of course!" I said, narrowing my eyes in confusion. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Mikey scratched his head, his face looking very deep in thought for a moment.

"Uhmm... isn't it, like, obvious why?" He finally asked, laughing slightly. "I mean... we have shells."

"Isn't obvious that doesn't matter to me?" I replied honestly.

"You gotta understand, Lil. We always thought no one would ever find out about us. Much less a gorgeous girl, like yourself." He winked at me, which made me giggle despite the seriousness of the conversation. "And then on top of that, you don't care what we are and you're like, becoming our friend... It's just weird."

"Well, it shouldn't be." I said firmly. "I mean, I could say the same to you, right? It's weird that you guys want to be my friend, because I'm just a human."

"Yeah." He admitted. "You're right. I guess that the only truly weird thing is that Raph seems to care about something other than himself. I mean, that part is surprising to us all."

I laughed at that remark. "Don't be mean," I scolded him, although I couldn't keep from smiling.

"Hey, it's true." Mikey replied. "Raph is hard to deal with. And he thinks _I'm_ the pain in the ass."

"Besides, I highly doubt Raphael cares about me. It mostly seems like I annoy him."

"Raph does care about you." Mikey said, suddenly very serious. "He just doesn't want you to get hurt because of us. So, he isn't exactly trying to make you feel welcome. That's what he told me at least."

"Wait, when?"

"Tonight," Mikey explained. "After we left, he was all talkin' about you and how if he was around you then you might get hurt because of this Foot Clan stuff. And well, what happened tonight _prooobbabbllyy_ didn't help."

"Oh. Great." I muttered, dragging my foot sullenly back and forth through a murky puddle.

"He'll chill out eventually. Atleast, I think he will." Mikey said. "I told him that he was being stupid and that you seemed tough enough to handle whatever happens. I mean, you handled the whole mutant-ninja-turtle thing pretty well."

"Thank you. I think." I replied.

"Leo's the one tellin' Raph he shouldn't let you hang around, though." Mikey continued. "He thinks you're a distraction."

"Oh." I said sadly. "Was... was that comment Leonardo made about Raphael not making good choices about me then?"

Mikey shrugged. "Maybe," he answered. He finally looked over at me and saw the defeated expression on my face. "Hey, I'm not telling you this to upset you. Geez, I'm sorry. I'm an idiot."

"It's fine." I said, giving him a grim smile. "It's the truth."

"Leo just doesn't want you to get hurt because of us either, Lil. Not because doesn't like you." Mikey said, obviously determined to get me to believe him.

We continued to walk in silence, almost to the manhole that would take me back above ground. Was being friends with the brothers really going to put me in that much danger? The idea seemed odd to me, like that kind of situation was only something that could happen in the movies. Being in danger, fearing for my life... That seemed like someone else's life, not mine. Though, up until recently, I had also thought being held at gun point was something that only happened in the movies. Maybe I should have listened to Leonardo, and ran as far away from the brothers as I could. That was probably what any other person would do in this situation - hell, they probably would have ran after seeing Raphael the first time.

But no, not me. Instead, I had screamed at the roof tops for Raphael to show himself again.

It wasn't until late that night, when I finally made it home and was curled up in my own bed, that I realized the truth of the situation: I wasn't going to get hurt because I knew the brothers.

The only thing that would hurt me now would be pretending that I didn't know them, leaving, forgetting everything I now knew, and trying to pretend that they weren't real.


	11. Chapter 11: Coffee and Donuts

The next morning I woke up early and called to let my coworkers know that I wouldn't be in. I had caught up on all the business I needed to do anyways, so I didn't feel bad about taking an extra day for my weekend.

_Hows are things going?_ I texted Donatello.

_Bad. Splinter made Raph sit out of practice. Thought there might still be some issues after yesterday._ He replied.

I figured I could use this information to my advantage, so I hurried to get ready and then I headed out to grab a few things for my visit. First, I bought donuts as a treat for the brothers, and then I got two coffees just before I made my way back the manhole and down into the sewers. I hadn't forgotten that coffee wasn't allowed in the house due to Mikey, but I knew Raphael would keep it a secret, and I figured it might cheer him up a little bit.

I opened the door to their home and listened. Silence greeted me, and I closed the door softly behind me. I crept across the living room, setting the box of donuts on the kitchen table, and then headed for Raphael's room. I paused for a moment, wondering if I should knock or not before going in. There was light coming out from beneath the door-frame, so I assumed that he was awake. I raised by knuckles and was just about to knock when the door flug open infront of me.

I'm not sure who was more startled, me or Raphael, but I jumped about a foot in the air, almost dropping the two coffees on the floor. Raphael glared at me and I seemed to shrink under his gaze, suddenly feeling very tiny and well... very human.

"What are you doing?" Raphael demanded.

"I was just about to knock..." I replied, still breathless from the fright. "I brought coffee."

He peered down the hall suspiciously, probably expecting Mikey to pop out at any moment and run off with the drinks. When that didn't happen, he stepped aside and closed the door quickly after I entered his room.

"Coffee fixes everything." I said, handing him the paper cup.

I hadn't known what kind of drink to get him, but something inside told me that he was more of black coffee drinker. I'd grabbed extra creamers and sugar just in case, but as a took a long drink and didn't cringe, I assumed that I'd been right.

"Kinda." He muttered, as he turned around and went over to the side of his bed to sit down.

"Thanks, by the way." He added as a he took another sip.

"I got donuts too." I said with a smile as I sat down beside him, being mindful to leave some space between us.

"What is that?" He asked, nodding at my drink.

"Coffee?" I replied, dumbfounded.

"It doesn't look like coffee."

I laughed. I could see his point. I'd gotten my usual drink, an iced blend of caramel and a large topping of whipped cream. It was really more of a milkshake.

"Try some." I offered, holding the cup out to him.

He looked at it with suspicion for a moment, then finally took it from me, taking a quick drink.

"I guess that's pretty good," he admitted. I grinned, feeling like I had achieved something, although I really wasn't quite sure what.

Maybe getting him to say that he actually liked something?

"Did you ever find out what really happened yesterday? How they hacked into the police scanner?" I questioned.

"Donnie's workin' on it. Splinter has forbidden us to go above ground until we know more." Raphael said, sounding miserable about that fact.

I knew it was probably because he felt responsible for the decision since he was the one who had acted so irrationally about going after the Foot Clan.

"That might be a good idea..." I ventured carefully. "I mean, you've obviously gotten onto their radar, so you need to be careful about how you continue. It sounds like they were really trying to hurt you. That's good too I guess - it means you've scared them enough that they now view you as a threat."

"They should." He said fiercely. "Splinter can't keep us locked up forever."

"Maybe I could help," I offered. "I mean, I could try to be your eyes while-"

"No." Raphael said sharply, his eyes narrowing. "This doesn't concern you."

His comment offended me a little bit. "Uh, yeah it does. I'm your friend. I care about you guys."

He scoffed, shaking his head like he couldn't believe what I was saying. "You shouldn't."

"Why?" I demanded. My conversation with Mikey from yesterday coming back to me. "Why shouldn't I?" I asked again, softening my tone a little bit.

Mikey had said Raphael would try to push me away - pissing him off probably wouldn't help me in the long run.

"Cause we're mutant freaks, that's why." Raphael answered harshly. "We're green. We have shells."

"Oh wow, thanks for pointing that out." I shot back sarcastically. I would never succeed in trying to be nice to him if he kept up this attitude. "I hadn't noticed until now. That changes _everything_."

"Goddamn it." He growled in anger. "You're _not_ getting involved."

We were face to face now, so much closer to each than we had been when I first sat down. Even though his expression was hard, I could see emotions playing around behind his cold gaze. Maybe if I just approached the topic a little differently...

And then the moment was ruined.

"_Donuts_?!" Rang out Mikey's gleeful shout.

I knew it was only a matter of moments before the others put two and two together to come find me. And I also knew the first place they would look. Raphael grimaced as the voices grew closer.

"Hey! Raph! Is Lily in there with you?!" Mikey called, knocking on the door loudly.

Raphael stood up, quickly flinging the door open as he spoke. "Do you always need to be so obnoxious?"

Mikey, un-phased by the insult, shoved half a donut in his mouth. "It was just a question," he mumbled through the food.

"Thanks for the donuts, Lily." Donatello said as he appeared beside Mikey. "We don't get them very often. Are these from the shop on 5th and Main? They have chocolate raspberry ones there like these ones."

"Uhm.. No." I said, my head feeling dizzy from all that was going on.

Between Raphael looking ready to murder Mikey, Mikey chewing with his mouth open, and Donatello showing up, I didn't know what to think.

Dontello shrugged, totally oblivious to anything going on beside the donuts.

"I'm hungry. You guys had better have saved me one." I said, pushing past the turtles into the hallway. The room had suddenly felt very small.

"Of course we di- hey! Is that a coffee cup?" Mikey exclaimed from behind me. All I could do was shake my head and keep walking.

Leonardo was sitting at the kitchen table. I sat down across from him and grabbed a donut. The blue masked turtle gave me a questioning look, probably picking up on my mood. I ignored him. The others appeared, taking up their own seats and continuing to eat.

"Hey, you alright Leo?" Donatello asked suddenly, and I looked up to see that the oldest turtle did indeed look lost in his own thoughts.

"I checked the monitors after practice... There were three possible Foot Clan attacks after we got back last night. And now we can't do anything about it." Leonardo explained, his voice troubled.

Raphael shifted next to me, and I could see darkness growing in his eyes.

"Who knows how many more will happen tonight... and the night after that. They're going to eventually realize that we aren't tracking them anymore. I fear what may happen at that point." Leonardo continued.

"If only Sensei didn't forbid us to go above ground..." Donatello mused, as he picked at what was left of his donut, his appetite lost.

"It's all my fault." Raphael said. "I shouldn't have lost my temper and-"

"Raph, it's not your fault. You just wanted to do what you thought was best. The truth is, we don't know what the best move to make is." Leonardo cut in, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder. Raphael shrugged it off, not seeming to believe him.

"Leonardo is right." I said. "The Foot Clan have no idea who you are. To them, you're just some people trying to stop them. They don't know you have a connection to them. What happened last night... I think it was just supposed to spook you. If they didn't see you, or get close to you, then they probably still think you're just really... big humans. And if you don't get in their way anymore, they will believe that they succeeded, and they might start to get overly confident... which could mean they might start making mistakes. Being stuck down here may not be as bad as it seems."

Of course, I had other motives when I said this to them. Raphael had completely shut me down earlier when I had suggested that I could help, but I knew that I could probably sway the others. If I got Leonardo on my side, as bad as it sounded, Raphael would have to let me get involved. Besides, it made sense to me. I was a young human girl: I could blend in very easily. I was a pro at being invisible to others. All they'd have to do was find out where the Foot Clan was working from and I could help keep an eye on them.

"Lily might have a point..." Donatello said, and I could see the wheels turning in his head. "Maybe we can use this to our advantage."

Leonardo and Mikey's faces seemed to brighten as they too began to think of ways to turn the situation around. Raphael was the only one who seemed unchanged. That wasn't surprising. I knew that all he wanted was face to face combat. He wanted answers, the fast way. I knew none of them would disobey Splinter though, so this would have to occupy them until it was deemed safe for them to go above ground again. I watched Raphael's expression carefully, trying to tell if he had caught onto my secret motives yet. It didn't appear that he had: he just looked frustrated.

"I think I'm going to work on some new software... See if I can come up with anything to help us monitor the Foot Clan better from down here." Donatello said absentmindedly as he got up from the table.

"And I need to blow off some of this extra energy." Leonardo said, his eyes looking faraway too. "Want to join me, Mikey?"

"Sure." Mikey replied, following his older brother to the practice room.

He'd been uncharacteristically quiet during this whole conversation and I felt a little ping of worry go through my mind. I'd have to check on him later.

I tapped my fingers on the hard table top as I sat next to Raphael. I noticed he hadn't eaten anything.

"Not a fan of donuts?" I asked, though I doubted that was the reason.

"I'll get one later." He replied. "Didn't really work up much of an appetite sittin' around my room this morning."

"Wellll..." I said, not wanting to press that subject anymore. "Wanna watch a movie or something?"

"Alright." He answered after a moment of hesitation. I smiled and went over to the very large DVD collection that they had next to all of their TVs.

"Do you care what we watch?" I asked as I browsed all the titles, wanting to be polite.

"Nah. Pick whatever you want." Raphael said as he sat down on the couch.

I browsed some more before my eyes landed on one of my favorites.

"Hope you don't mind horror movies," I said holding up _Scream_.

He chuckled. "Most of those are mine. I'm the only one who likes the scary ones."

"Let me guess..." I said examining all the different types of movies they had. "Mikey likes the comedy and cheesy action movies, Donatello likes all the long boring documentaries and sci-fi movies, and Leonardo..." I picked up the lone romantic movie in the collection. "This is all him, right?"

Raphael laughed. "How'd ya know?"

"I'm actually pretty smart." I said with a sly smile. "Don't let my beauty fool you. I got brains too."

I stood up, and began to look for the DVD player among all the different electronics. I heard Raphael come up behind me, and he took the movie from my hands and stuck it into one of the slots on the biggest TV.

"Brains, huh? You were sayin'?" He joked.

"Hey now." I said, plopping down on the couch. "I never said what I had brains in, exactly. I just said I had them."

Raphael shook his head, although I could tell he was trying to hide a smile as he did so. He took a seat next to me and the movie began. There was something strangely comforting to me about old scary movies. I could never explain why. All I knew was that they weren't as predictable as the ones that came out these days. There wasn't as much blood or gore to distract the viewers from a shitty script. Instead, there were moments that chilled you to the bone and scenes that stayed imprinted in your eyes until you finally fell asleep.

When the movie ended, I could hardly believe that we hadn't been interrupted by one of Raphael's brothers. But, their home was silent as the credits rolled. Raphael didn't seem to be worried about this fact. As I turned to look at him, he actually appeared to be relaxed. His arms were folded behind his head and there wasn't the usual line of concentration (or frustration) on his forehead.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, my own stomach feeling empty.

"Not really." Raphael replied.

"Oh, okay." I tried to sound indifferent but he obviously caught on to what I was really trying to say.

"Are _you_ hungry, Lily?" He questioned, his eyes narrow as if to say 'don't even try to lie'.

"Uhm... Yeah." I admitted. "I can get my own food though."

"I'll make you something if you want," Raphael offered.

"Really?" The word popped out of my mouth before I could think about how it probably sounded.

Raphael just chuckled at me. "Yeah. Don't sound so surprised. I'm a pretty decent cook."

"Sorry, it's not that I doubt you. I just wasn't sure because you had Mikey make breakfast the other day."

"Ah." He said, shaking his head. "I should have known he wouldn't keep that to himself. He's the better breakfast maker. In fact, it's pretty much the only thing he can do right most of the time."

I smacked his arm playfully. "Don't be so mean."

"You don't live with him." Raphael shot back, giving me a small smirk. "Now, do you want me to make you something or not?"

"Fine. How about grilled cheese?"

"That's really what you want?" He asked and I nodded. "Well, you're easy."

Raphael went to the kitchen and started on my sandwich. I turned around, watching him from the couch.

"Do you want something to drink?" He called over his shoulder after a few minutes.

"Sure," I replied.

"Well? What do you want?" He snapped. "I'm not a mind reader."

I stared at the back of his head in disbelief. God, he really was a bigger pain in the ass than Mikey.

"Surprise me!" I answered cheerfully, just to piss him off even more.

He came back to the couch a few minutes later, holding out a perfect looking grilled cheese and a glass of soda.

"Thanks," I told him giving him a cheeky grin.

"You're welcome." He huffed as he sat back down on the couch. I took a small bite of the sandwich, my mouth starting to water as soon as I realized how delicious it was. I tried to not look too obvious as I took another much larger bite. Was there anything he wasn't good at?

"So," Raphael began. "How long have you lived in New York?"

He was attempting to get to know me. His eyes were watching me closely as I pretended that I was still chewing my food before answering. It was the last thing I had expected him to do, especially after our little argument this morning.

"Well, uhm, only about a year actually. I moved here from California."

"Why?" He questioned.

I'd never had someone ask me that before. Most of the time when I told people I had moved here from so far away, they automatically assumed it was for my job.

"I needed a change." I said, pulling my sandwich apart, my mind now distracted from my hunger. "Home just started to not feel like home anymore. I didn't really have any reasons to stay."

He nodded. "Makes sense. So why New York?"

"Well, I applied for jobs everywhere... But I guess I just always wanted to live here. So much is always changing in the city and it has always sounded exciting. It's very different from where I grew up. So, when I got offered a job, I jumped at the chance."

"And you like it here?"

"Yeah," I said with a smile. "I love it."

_I love it even more since I've met you,_ was what I wanted to add._ Wait, what? Since when?_

I went back to my food, eating some more as he seemed deep in thought about what I had told him. For some reason, I felt like he almost looked sad about what I had said. His face had dropped slightly, his eyes on his hands and his mouth set in a firm line.

"So... Do you have a lot of friends?"

I watched him as he asked me the question. It seemed random. He hadn't looked up from his hands as he'd asked.

"Uh, well. Not really. I mean, I like the people I work with. I think of them as friends, but we don't hang out much when we aren't working."

"Why's that?"

"I dunno. I guess we're just tired and want to go home afterwards. And most of them spend their days off with their boyfriends or girlfriends, husbands or wives." I replied, extremely curious as to where he was trying to take this. I put my now empty plate on the table, shifting to face him a bit more.

"What about your family?"

"I'm not close with them." I admitted. "Never really have been. We don't see eye-to-eye on pretty much everything."

"That's surprising." He stated, his green eyes locking onto mine. He seemed vulnerable for the first time since I had met him. He wasn't looming over me or punching something or growling at one of his brothers. He was speaking to me softly, asking me personal questions... maybe he was starting to let me in? A girl could hope.

"Why?" I questioned.

"You don't seem like the type to not get along with others." He explained.

I shrugged. "Family is different."

"Yeah. It is." He replied, and I knew that he understood exactly what I meant.

I waited for him to continue to ask me questions, but he didn't. It seemed as though he had opened himself up enough for one day, because he just reached forward and grabbed the plate off of the table.

"Do you want anything else to eat?" He asked, the warmth in his voice mostly gone now.

"Uh, no. I'm fine." I managed to reply, feeling like a rug had just been pulled out from under me.

Was this how it was always going to be with him? Two steps forward and three steps back?


	12. Chapter 12: Dreamland

_I looked around quickly._

_How did I get here? _

_This place felt so familiar... Had I been here before? Yes, yes I had. It was the alley I had been attacked in. I remembered the darkness and the musty air that was trapped between the tall cement walls. It was silent, not even the sounds of the city could reach me here. _

_I flipped around to the exit, the light from the street seeming to move farther and farther away. I reached out towards it, grasping at the air, wondering why my feet wouldn't move._

_He was coming._

_Both fear and exhilaration ran through me. My attacker would be here soon, to try and kill me, but that also meant that Raphael would come soon too, to rescue me. I waited, my feet still glued in place, my heart beat speeding up with each passing second. I was a sitting prey, no way or ability to keep myself safe. All I had was the hope that my red-masked guardian would get here soon._

_I heard the footsteps approaching before I saw him... It was the same man who had cornered me before. I swallowed hard, having a hard time staying brave as I had the first time. He came up to me slowly, and I still couldn't move. I opened my mouth to scream, but no sounds came. _

_This time the man didn't have a gun. No, this time he had a sharp knife. I couldn't see it, not in the thick darkness, but I just knew... I knew this time a quick, painless shot would not be my death - no, this time it would be slow and deliberate. _

_I sank down to the ground, burying my head in my hands, shaking violently._

_This was a dream, right?_

_I began screaming at myself inside of my head, ordering myself to wake up. I couldn't give in to the fear. Soon I would wake up and find that I was home, safe, and in my own bed._

_I looked up at the man just in time to see a shadow grow from behind him. _

_Raphael._

_I smiled, all of my fears washing away instantly. He had come for me._

_Once more, the scene of Raphael defeating the man played out. One punch, two punch, three punch, and I was saved._

_Now, my feet decided that they would work again, and I ran to him. Unlike last time, I knew what to expect when I got closer. I no longer was surprised by his green skin or shell. Now they were a comforting sight, one that I craved._

_I threw my arms around his neck, having to stand on my toes to reach all the way around, and I breathed in the smell of his skin._

_"I knew you'd come." I murmured happily, pulling back and looking into his eyes. _

_There was no doubt in my mind, nothing holding me back from how I felt. Here in Dreamland, there was no worries about him being a mutant and me being a human. There was no right or wrong. There was no uncertainty. Here, I was free to explore my growing feelings for Raphael._

_I knew next to nothing about him. He'd never shared his personal thoughts with me. I only had a few things to go off of, a few details I had gathered throughout our conversations. But, at least here in my dream, I had hope that I would discover more about him. I had hope that he would tear down all the walls he had built around himself._

_I had hope that I could tear down my own walls, as well._

_He was still staring back at me, seeming more human than he ever had before. His hands were on my hips, grasping me tightly in place before him._

_Here in Dreamland, I could do anything I wanted. And so, I kissed him._

* * *

A loud knocking sound awoke me from my deep slumber. I sat up slowly, still groggy, my eyesight blurred. It took a moment for me to realize that the sound wasn't coming from my front door, but from my window. I climbed out of bed and pushed aside the curtains, expecting to see Raphael or Mikey. However, I didn't see an orange or red mask. I didn't see purple either. Instead, it was Leonardo, the last turtle I would have ever thought to see, outside. I unlatched the lock and pushed the pane up.

"Thank you." He said as he climbed into my room.

"Uh, sure." I replied, turning on my bedside light.

"I'm sorry to have woken you." Leonardo said, nodding towards the mess of blankets. "But I had to wait until it was late before I could risk sneaking out."

"Is everything okay?" I asked quickly, wondering what could have possibly made Leonardo, the oldest and most responsible brother, break Splinter's rule.

"Yes." He answered, although his face still looked troubled. "I just have something I need to discuss with you."

"This sounds like something I should be sitting for," I joked. "Lets go to the living room."

He followed me to my couch and we took a seat next to each other, both seeming uncomfortable. Even though Raphael always appeared to be keeping me at an arms length away, I never felt weird being around him. But Leonardo... Our few times talking hadn't exactly been warm and fuzzy. Unlike Mikey and Donatello, he didn't seem to have any interest in making me feel welcome in their home.

"Donnie had a break though today," Leonardo began slowly. "After each time that we have fought the Foot Clan, once we get home he goes through the security cameras throughout the city and tries to track them. Usually, we loose them when they either leave the city or pass by a street without a camera on it. But today, he was going through the footage after our ambush, and he was able to follow them."

"To where?" I gasped. "Some place in the city?"

He nodded. "A building right down town. It's not a business. It doesn't pull up anything on the internet either. But, we have to assume it is a place of importance for the Foot Clan if that is where they went there right after they lost us."

"Well, isn't that good news?" I asked. "Now you can keep tracking them."

"It is," Leonardo agreed. "But we need more access. Being able to see when they come and go is helpful, and so is the possibility of being able to track where they are going to... We need more than that though. We can't do anything being stuck in the sewers... if we were able to hear what was going on inside of the building..." He looked up at me with his deep blue eyes.

They were a lot like Mikey's, only they didn't hold the same youthfulness, the same joy.

"You need me to get inside the building." I stated, seeing where this was going.

"Yes," Leonardo said. "Donnie has a device that if it's planted inside of the building, we'd be able to hear everything going on, and possibly even hack into their computers."

"Ah." I said, fiddling nervously with the hem of my t-shirt.

Leonardo sighed. "I know this is a lot to ask Lily, and I know that I really have no right to ask this of you. I haven't exactly been kind to you, and I am sorry for that."

"Being kind to me and trusting me are two different things. I guess I just don't understand why you're asking this of me when it seems like you don't trust me." I replied honestly.

"I didn't." He admitted. "But, I do now."

"Why?" I pressed.

"Because you don't look at us like we're monsters. The other night, when you were with Raphael in the weapon's room, I saw the way you looked at him. I can see that you really care about my family. And if you can't do this for me, then please, at least do it for Raph beca-"

"Leonardo." I said firmly, putting my hand lightly on his arm. "I understand. I would be happy to help in any way that I can."

"Thank you." Leonardo said, sounding relieved, and giving me a genuine smile.

"So..." I continued. "I uh, kinda brought up helping you guys to Raphael and he didn't take it so well. I'm assuming you didn't tell him you were coming here to talk to me... Are you planning to keep my involvement a secret?"

"I wasn't aware that he was against the idea of you helping us... though I should have assumed he would be. I didn't tell him about me coming here tonight because I wasn't sure you would agree to help us. Only Donnie knows about this plan." Leonardo explained.

"Will you be telling the others?"

"As much as I hate to do it, keeping this from Splinter might be best. That rules out telling Mikey, because he can't keep a secret to save his life. I had planned on telling Raph, but if you think it would be unwise, I won't."

I sighed. "I hate to keep something like this from him. But I'm not sure I see another way."

Leonardo nodded solemnly. "Then it will stay between the three of us until the time is right to tell everyone."

He put his hand on top of mine that was still resting on his arm. I'd forgotten it was there.

"Thank you again, Lily."

"Of course." I replied, giving him a reassuring smile. "Do you have the device with you? I think I already have an idea of how to get inside. And where exactly should it go?"

Leonardo pulled something small and black out of a pocket on one of the straps that were pulled across his chest.

"The rooftop would be ideal, but at the very least on the highest floor possible. It is already turned on and it has an adhesive on one side. Just pull this strip off and attach it some place out of sight."

He handed me the device after he was done showing me what to do.

"Simple enough." I replied. "I'll try to get it done tomorrow."

"I need to get back." Leonardo said, standing up. "Just... Be careful."

"Don't worry about me." I said, walking him back to the window. "I'll be fine."

"I'll text you the address in the morning." He added, before giving me a final nod and disappearing into the night.

I locked up and then I went to sit on the edge of my bed, the sinking feeling in my stomach making me want to cry.

I wasn't scared or worried about my task. I knew I would be able to find a way to do this for them. I was more concerned about Raphael's reaction when he found out me getting involved... about me going behind his back and lying to him. There was nothing I wanted to do less than be dishonest with him, but I knew better than to tell him about this. He would either rat me out to Splinter or kill Leonardo. Or both. No, I'd have to lie. Maybe once I'd done this task and Donatello found useful information he would be able to handle hearing the truth - he'd see that I hadn't gotten hurt and that I'd been helpful. That was my only hope.

I laid back down and turned off the light. I rolled onto my side and stared at the device that was now sitting on my bedside table. My dream began to replay itself in my mind, and I longed to be in that world: the place where I could honest with myself, with Raphael, about the feelings growing inside of me.

But, in Dreamland the truth would have to remain. I flipped to my other side and forced my eyes shut.

Tomorrow would be a very long day.


	13. Chapter 13: Playing Spy

When I woke up the next morning, the address was waiting for me in my inbox just as Leonardo had promised. I searched the location on my phone, trying to get an idea of where it was. Once I had figured out how to get there and wrote down the directions, I started to get ready.

I put on the most business-casual outfit that I owned, hoping it would make me appear older than I really was. I kept my makeup to a minimum and wore my hair tied back off of my face. The idea was to look as plain and forgettable as possible. I made sure my tattoos were covered and I even went the extra mile and covered up the birthmark on my cheek with foundation and concealer. I figured anything that could later identify me needed to be hidden. I felt like some kind of F.B.I. agent going undercover on a secret mission.

Actually, that was a pretty accurate comparison.

The next step was going to my work and borrowing a camera. That part proved to be simple, as it was the weekend, so there was barely anyone in the office to question why I needed the camera on my day off - not to mention that I'd pretty much never taken a picture in my life, except for on my phone, and that fact was pretty well known. Once that was taken care of, I went down to the subway and got on the train that would take me to the location of the Foot Clan.

I wasn't exactly sure what my plan was going to be. I had half an idea, one that I hoped would be enough to get me in and out of the building quickly. As the subway flew through the tunnels, I found myself clutching my purse tightly, afraid of loosing the device. I had to resist the urge to keep opening the bag and making sure if was still safely tucked away in my wallet. I didn't want to act too suspicious - it suddenly felt like everyone was watching me.

When I arrived to the building, it seemed normal enough. Leonardo was right when he'd said that it didn't have anything giving it away what it was for. There were no signs or plaques on the door, and when I'd searched the address online nothing had popped up, no website or advertisements. It obviously wasn't apartments or offices for a big corporate company to fool the public.

I took a deep breath, rolling my shoulder's back and lifting my chin up high. I had to act confident, even if I really felt like I was going to puke. I strode up to the front doors and pushed them open to find myself in a large entry way, covered top to bottom in dark, shining marble. There was a set of elevators on the wall to my right and on the left a woman sat at a desk. She hadn't seemed to notice me enter, either that or she just didn't care.

"Hi!" I said cheerfully, walking up to her and holding out my hand. "I'm here as a representative from _Dreaming of New York_ Magazine."

She looked up at me over her glasses like I was a pest that had just splattered itself on her windshield. She took my hand for a split second before answering in a curt tone.

"Hello."

"I am a freelance photographer for them, and I am currently working on a project where we are taking photos of some of the best views in the city. I was wondering if it was at all possible for me to pop up onto your roof and snap a few photos? You seem to have a beautiful view here, just the kind we are looking to feature." I explained with a wide smile, my tone all sugar and honey.

The woman looked at me in disdain for a moment, before sighing and picking up the phone at her desk. "I suppose. I'll have to check with security, however."

Her long nails clicked as they pressed a few buttons. "Hello, yes... I have a _girl_ down here who wants to take pictures from up on the roof... I don't know, for some article... Yes, she said only a few. It shouldn't take long... Okay, very well." She hung up the phone and turned her eyes back to me.

My heart was pounding, hoping that my plan would prevail. It wasn't like I'd get a second chance.

"Do not take too long. We don't have all day to wait for you to be done. You can take the elevator up to the 9th floor and then take the stairway the rest of the way. There will be someone up there to direct you."

"Thank you so much!" I chirped and then gave her a quick wave before heading over to the elevators.

I let out the breath that I had been holding in once the doors shut. _So far, so good_.

Once I hit the 9th floor I exited the elevator and there was, as she had stated, a tall man dressed in all black waiting for me. The man motioned for me to go through the door off to my right. I nodded my thanks, trying to get a peek of what was in the hallway behind him. The man seemed very intent on guarding me from what was down there... Though all I could see were doors, lined up one by one down the length of the hall. It seemed to veer off to both the left and the right to make other corridors.

I made my way up to the roof. I knew that a place like this was bound to have cameras everywhere, so I tried to be as casual as possible as I went up the staircase. Once I got to the top I did my best to pretend like I was a real photographer. I scoped out each side of the building, deciding on the one that faced out towards a park as my spot to pretend to take pictures. I then casually peered around the rooftop, trying to plan where I would stick the device. My eyes landed on some kind of vent in the middle. I set my bag on it, deciding under the rim was the best place for the device as it would be protected from the weather. As quickly as I could, I pulled out the device, removed the adhesive strip just as Leonardo had showed me, and then smoothly attached it to the vent. I then pulled out the camera and stood up. I snapped a few pictures, all of which came out blurry since I had no idea how to put it into focus. Once I felt that I had made a good enough show in case any one was watching, or planned to watch later, I packed up my things quickly and returned to the 9th floor.

The security guard was still waiting for me, ushering me into the already open elevator. Before I knew it I was heading back out the front doors and onto the street. The secretary hadn't even acknowledged me as I had left. I walked quickly until I was a good few blocks away before stopping and taking a moment to calm down. I couldn't believe it had been so easy. I smiled to myself as I pulled out the T-Phone and texted Leonardo: _Done. I don't think they suspected a thing._

It wasn't until I was almost to my stop on the subway that my stomach began to twist and turn. Yes, I had done it. I had done something that would gain trust with Leonardo and the others, but at the same time would betray Raphael. I hoped to the Gods that something good would come from what I done, because it could very well cost me my friendship with him... or any sort of future relationship.

And again, my stomach lurched as I thought about that too. I hadn't forgotten about my dream, I just couldn't handle exploring it any further, at least for the time being.

I arrived back at my apartment, pulling off the stupid outfit that I had worn the moment I shut the door. I would probably never be able to wear the clothes again.

I knew that there would have been no other way for the brothers to get answers, and that ultimately I had done the right thing. I just hadn't realized how much I cared about Raphael and what he thought of me until I faced the possibility of losing him. I sighed, now half naked in my living room, and I went to busy myself with a long, hot shower.

There was nothing to do now but wait. I didn't dare go visit the brothers for I knew that tensions would be high since half of them were lying to the other half. I also didn't trust myself to keep the secret. I had never been a good liar. One look from Raphael's green eyes and I would be an open book.

There was a response waiting from Leonardo on my phone when I was done washing off.

I read the message three times to myself before I realized what had happened.

_Done with what? Who suspects nothing?_

Panic surged through me as I saw that the message I had sent earlier had not gone to "L" but had instead gone to "R". How I had managed to make such a mistake, I would never know, but as I stood there and tried to think up a good lie as to why I had sent that message to Raphael, another text appeared on the screen:

_Answer me. Now._


	14. Chapter 14: Confrontation

The shame of what I had done haunted me as I went to meet Raphael.

I had no doubt that I was going to be in deep trouble, not only with him, but with Leonardo as well. I hadn't even lasted a day before blowing the whole plan. I couldn't help but laugh darkly at myself as I thought about how horribly I had failed - obviously, I had no future what so ever in any kind of career that would require me to keep important secrets.

Raphael was waiting for me by the entrance to their home. I wasn't exactly sure what I was about to walk into - had he told Leonardo what I'd done yet? What about Donatello and Splinter?

"Hi." I managed to squeak, already completely full of nerves.

Raphael's eyes locked onto mine, cold and hard, looking more vicious than I had ever seen them. I took a hesitant step towards him, knowing it would probably be a mistake to get too close, but also not wanting to let him bully me.

"Act normal." He commanded me, then turned on his heel and pushed open the door.

I gulped and hurried after him, my knees shaking so badly I could barely stay upright. Mikey was lounging on the couch, watching TV, and twirling his nun-chucks above his head casually. He looked over his shoulder when he heard Raphael and I approaching, then jumped to his feet excitedly.

"Hey! You didn't tell me that Lily was coming over!"

Raphael didn't acknowledge his comment and just kept heading straight for his bedroom. I did my best to smile at the youngest turtle.

"I gotta help Raphael with something. I'll be right back." I managed to say quickly, glad that my voice had remained even.

Thankfully, Mikey just shrugged and flopped back down on the couch. When I reached the doorway to Raphael's room, I paused briefly. I wondered if there was any chance that he would hurt me, but knew that I had no choice now: I had to face him and tell him the truth. His back was turned to me as I shut the bedroom door tightly.

"Look, before you say anything, you need to know that I only did what I did because I -"

Raphael spun around and lunged at me so quickly I didn't have time to react. He was face to face with me now, his chest heaving, his eyes burning with fury. I was stuck between his bulk and the damp wall of his room. I knew he was trying to intimidate me, and oh God, it was working.

"What did you do?" He asked, biting off each word so forcefully that I couldn't help but flinch.

I felt like crying as I spoke. "I went into a possible Foot Clan hideout and planted a device so that Donatello could listen in on them." I admitted, dropping my eyes to the ground.

"And Leonardo asked you to do this?"

I could only nod in reply. There was a second of silence, and I thought maybe, just maybe, he would understand. But instead, he slammed his fist against the wall, only inches away from my head, and I could hear the cement give away under his strength. Fear ran through my veins, and I realized that I was more afraid than I had ever been before - not even because I was scared for my safety, but because I knew that there was no fixing this.

He'd never forgive me.

Raphael stormed off. I hesitated, a tear rolling down my cheek as I took in the sight of the broken wall next to my head. I was no longer feeling brave and I no longer had hope that he could be reasoned with. But, if he hurt Leonardo because of something that I had done, I would never be able to live with myself. I ran after him, already hearing furious shouts echo down the hallway.

Leonardo and Raphael were like two forces of nature. I stopped at the edge of the practice room and watched in horror as they went head to head, punching, kicking each other across the floor, and looking like they were prepared to fight to the death. There was absolutely nothing I could do. Mikey appeared at my side and then Donatello only moments later.

"Oh, shit." Mikey breathed.

"Get Splinter." Donatello ordered his younger brother.

Once Mikey had run off, Donatello then turned to me, and looked very confused as to what I was doing here in the middle of all this drama.

"This is my fault." I said, more to myself than to him, and then practically jumped out of my skin as a sickening sound echoed through the air.

Raphael had pinned Leonardo against the wall, one forearm pressed against his brother's throat and his other hand holding a sai pointed at his chest. Leonardo had stopped fighting, perhaps realizing that if he made the wrong move, Raphael might actually hurt him.

"Raph!" Donatello called over to his brother desperately. "What is going on?!"

Raphael didn't respond, his just kept holding Leonardo, panting and his shoulders heaving. Leonardo's eyes were locked onto Raphael's, seeming to both challenge him and try to calm him at the same time. I saw no fear in his expression, only determination.

"Raphael, stop. This is my fault. I was the one who told Leonardo to lie to you." I said.

Understanding flashed across both Donatello's and Leonardo's face at the same time, both of them realizing what had set Raphael off...

Me.

_"Raphael!"_

Splinter's voice cut through the tension like one of Leonardo's swords. As if being released from a spell, Raphael dropped the hold he'd had on his brother and stepped backwards a few feet. Leonardo rubbed his throat and moved away from his brother quickly, obviously not wanting to risk Raphael going after him again.

"I'm so sorry." I murmured to Leonardo, feeling embarrassed and weak.

"It's not your fault." Leonardo said firmly, putting a hand reassuringly on my shoulder.

"We have some matters to discuss, my son." Splinter said calmly. His voice was soothing, and his expression kind, but I could see that his eyes watching each of the brothers carefully. I'm sure he knew better than to let his guard down completely.

Splinter turned and began to leave the practice room, Donatello, Leonardo, and Mikey, who looked very confused by the recent events, following in silence. I began to go with them, my heart starting to break at the thought of leaving things so messed up between Raphael and I.

"Lily."

I froze, wondering if I had actually just heard my name, or if I had imagined it. I slowly turned back to Raphael. He was still facing the wall, but his breathing had stabilized and his fists were no longer clenched.

"You owe me some answers."

I glanced at Splinter, unsure if he would let me remain alone with Raphael given the circumstances. Much to my surprise, he nodded his approval for me to stay. I waited for the others to make their way down the hall, wanting to ensure that Raphael and I had our privacy. I ran my fingers through my hair, pushing it out of my face, and gathered my strength to start walking towards him.

Raphael continued to keep his back to me, even though I was sure that he was aware of me being right behind him.

"I know I shouldn't have kept this from you. Trust me, I hated lying to you. But I knew that you wouldn't let me do it." I began, sighing heavily and fiddling with my hair some more. "I just wanted to help your family."

"Why?" He questioned, his tone flat.

"Because right now, I'm the only one who can help you." I replied. "And I care."

"You're gonna get yourself killed."

"I was already almost killed recently, remember? And if it wasn't for you, I'd probably be dead right now. Maybe I just wanted to return the favor, and protect you." I said quietly.

"You didn't protect me, you lied to me." Raphael answered, coldness entering his voice once more.

"Yeah. I know. I was wrong in how I went about it, but I had good intentions." I said honestly. "Can't you at least try and understand that?"

"I do."

We stood in silence for a few minutes. I wanted nothing more then for him to turn around, look at me, and tell me that things were going to be okay between us. Ever since I had met Raphael, my life had started to revolve around when I was going back down into the sewers again, which was actually a bit comical. I mean, what kind of normal person wanted to spend all of their time underground?

Maybe that was the point though. I wasn't normal. I'd never felt like I was normal, like I fit in among other people. It was the reason I had left home. All I'd wanted was to vanish, to be able to leave everything behind and just be a ghost.

That had all been ruined the day I'd met Raphael though. Never before had I wanted someone to see me, to notice me, so badly.

Without really thinking about it, I reached out and touched his shell. It was cool under my finger tips, and smooth. I could feel the way it made my heart dance around in my chest and my skin tingle. It was a conflicting moment, as I stood there and ran my hand along the hard surface. How could something so foreign make me feel so safe and comforted?

Raphael finally turned to face me, and I let my hand drop away as he did so.

"You should leave." He said to me firmly.

"I don't want to."

"You should." He answered, and then he started to walk past me towards the door.

"It would be a lot easier on both of us if you'd stop trying to push me away." I said sharply.

"I'm not going to do this, Lily." Raphael said, his voice now sounding very strained.

"Do what? Actually talk to me for once?"

"There is nothing to talk about." He stated.

"Well, I have things I need to say to you." I replied stubbornly, not sure where I was about to take this conversation, but allowing myself to just speak freely. I was tired of having to hold so many emotions inside.

"Fine. Talk." Raphael said, his eyes locking onto mine, like his words were a challenge.

I suddenly wished that his back was still turned to me. It was so much easier than having to deal with his overbearing stare. It was making me so nervous, that I just began to ramble.

"No one forced you to come back and talk to me, you know. You could have just stayed away after you saved me. Sure, I was trying to get your attention, but it wasn't like I had any power over you. You could have ignored me. And then, you came to my apartment, which again, was of your own free will. Stop trying to act like you don't care about me, because if that was really true, you would have just left me alone. You brought me into your life, whether you like it or not. And now, all I can do is think about you, because you still refuse to actually let me in. I mean, I know nothing about you, except for the few bits and pieces you've allowed yourself to share with me. Like, seriously. What's your favorite color? Is it red? Do you like to read? What's your favorite song? Why can't you just be my... friend?" I finished awkwardly.

Raphael blinked back at me stupidly as he processed through everything I had I just said. I waited patiently for him to respond.

"I can't be your friend." He finally answered.

I scoffed, annoyed that out of everything I had just thrown at him, that was all he could manage to give me. "Why the hell not?"

"_Because_, Lily. _Because_. Just let it go." He growled.

"No. Tell me." I demanded.

"Because one day, you're gonna meet someone who can do things for you that I can't. And then, you'll leave. You'll forget all about the mutant freaks in the sewer, but I won't forget, Lily. I won't forget you." Raphael explained. There was pain in his voice, something that I would have never expected to hear from him, ever.

"I'm not going to forget about you." I replied softly.

"Yes, you will." He said firmly.

"Stop!" I yelled angrily. "God, stop trying to tell me how I feel, or how I will feel someday. You can't keep trying to control me like that."

Raphael shook his head. "I'm not tryin' to control you, I'm tryin' to talk some sense into you. I mean, what do you think is gonna happen between us, Lily? _I'm not human_."

"Can you kiss me?" I asked, folding my arms across my chest.

"What?" He replied quickly, thrown off by my question.

"Can. You. Kiss. Me?" I repeated.

Raphael sighed in annoyance. "Yes."

"Could you love me? Are you capable of feeling those kind of emotions?" I continued.

"Yes."

"Then guess what, you're a lot more human than you think you are! Hell, I mean, you're being a typical, stand-offish, asshole guy right now!" I snapped at him, raising an eyebrow haughtily. "You got that part down pretty good!"

"God damn it, Lily. Stop being so stubborn." Raphael shot back. "I can't take you on dates. I can't buy you things. I can't meet your family."

"I don't want those things. I've had them. They're not that great."

"You will."

_"Oh my God!" _I cried, completely fed up. "Fine. You win."

I shoved past Raphael, completely and totally done with trying to reason with him. If he was so hell-bent on shutting me out of his life, then maybe I just needed to let him. Maybe there wasn't a happy ending for us. Maybe I really was insane for trying to make things work.

After all, like I had said to Raphael earlier, I really didn't even know him all that well anyways.


	15. Chapter 15: Possibilities

My original plan had been to go straight home, and not return to the sewers for a long, long time. My cheeks were burning red from Raphael's rejection - although, I guess it was silly to feel that way. He hadn't rejected me, not really. He'd just shut me out of his life completely.

However, as I hurried down the hallway, I passed by the open door to Mikey's bedroom. He was playing a video game, so lost in it that he didn't even notice me lurking behind him. I figured that Splinter was probably speaking with Leonardo and Donatello privately, leaving Mikey to deal with the events of today all by himself. As frustrated as I was with Raphael, my heart wouldn't let me leave the youngest brother to sit all alone.

"Hey." I finally greeted him.

He turned around quickly, and his blue eyes widened when he saw that it was me.

"Oh, hey." Mikey replied, sitting up on his bed.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright." I said as I went over and sat down next to him.

He smiled slightly. "I appreciate your concern, Lil. I'm okay. I mean, I'm worried, you know? But this will all blow over."

"I'm glad you're staying positive," I said. "And I know that it will blow over. It has to."

My voice cracked a bit at the end. I cleared my throat, hoping to cover it up.

"Lil, are _you_ okay?" Mikey questioned, his bright eyes locking onto mine. "Leo told me all about what happened... What you did for us. I'm sure Raph was pretty hard on you. Am I right?"

I sighed. He was the exact opposite of Raphael; Mikey wanted to let me in. I got up and went over to the bedroom door, closed it, and then returned to my spot beside him. He was looking at me even more curiosity now.

"Can I ask you something?" I began slowly. "It's a bit... personal."

I wasn't sure if I was crossing a line by what I was about to say, but Mikey was the only one who I felt comfortable enough to talk to about how I was feeling.

"You have my attention."

"Do you think... It would be possible for Raphael to ever... I mean would it be weird if we... If I... Liked him?" I sputtered, feeling completely embarrassed with each word that I spoke. But, to my surprise, all Mikey did was look at me thoughtfully.

"You mean,_ like _him, as in, more than a friend, right?" Mikey clarified. I nodded.

"Well. It's a bit of a shock." He started and my face fell into a frown. He noticed my expression and then immediately began to back track. "Not shocking in a bad way, Lil. Shocking as in, you like Raph. _Raph_. Out of all of us, I never thought anyone could possibly like Raph. Besides the whole, you know, shell thing, he is also a major asshole. I'm just shocked you somehow see something... _likable_."

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Mikey," I scolded. "I'm being serious."

"Me too!" He exclaimed. "I mean, Leo is the leader. I can get how chicks might dig that enough to see past the shell. Donnie is a genius. And well, I'm hilarious. But Raph... We never thought any girl would ever like him. Even Raph agrees with us, so don't blame me for saying that."

"You guys have talked about this before? Relationships, I mean?" I asked hopefully.

"Duh. We might be mutants, but we're still guys, Lil." Mikey said giving me a look that hinted at many,_ many _things they might have talked about.

_Oh_. I felt my face flush.

"So," he continued. "Yeah. We talked about it a lot growing up. And, Raph always believed no girl would ever love him. To be fair, he also believed no girl would ever love any of us, but in the slight chance that he was wrong, he said he figured they would probably like one of us more than him."

"But, you _have _talked about it before? I'm not crazy for thinking that he could find me... likable?"

Mikey touched my shoulder, giving me a very serious look. "It's not crazy. I think the only part any of us would find crazy is that _you_ like _him_. Not the other way around."

"I just wasn't sure if... It was possible." I said awkwardly. "I don't know. I'm sorry. This is way too weird."

Mikey just laughed at me. "Lil, I think you'd be surprised at just how possible _many _things are with Raph." He smirked, a devilish twinkle in his blue eyes.

_Oh my god, is he saying what I think he is saying?_ I felt completely mortified, even though he looked totally un-bothered by this topic.

"Thanks for talking to me, Mikey." I said, trying to cover up the awkwardness that I felt. "I really appreciate it."

"Anytime, Angelface." He grinned back at me.

"I should probably go... Will you... Keep me updated on things? I'm not sure when I'll be back." I replied, getting to my feet.

He nodded. But, just as I reached the door, he said one last thing:

"Uh. I can't believe I'm about to say this, because I love nothing more than giving Raph a hard time, but you might wanna go easy on him, you know? He's really not all that bad. He just has like, no communication skills. At all. But, he'll come around. You just gotta understand that even if you're not freaked out by him, he's freaked out by you."

* * *

Mikey's words repeated in my mind for the rest of the day.

He was right, after all. Here I was, only focusing on how I felt about Raphael being a mutant, but never stopping to think that my being a human might be causing him some turmoil as well. It was a strange concept, that my humanity might be the thing that would keep us apart. Normally, it was a lack of humanity that tore people away from each other.

I was listening to one of my favorite songs as I laid in bed. The music was probably far too loud for the hour, and I wondered if I would get in trouble with my neighbors tomorrow. It was only when the track ended that I heard the loud knocking on my window. It was raining heavily, but this sound was definitely not from the storm.

Great, was I imagining things now?

I paused my CD before going over to unlock the window. My hopes were already up - I knew who I wanted to be out there waiting to come in.

I flipped the latch and sat back on the edge of my bed, staring at the wet glass intently. And then I saw it: a large hand reaching down to slide the window up. I pinched my arm, wondering if I had dozed off while I had been laying down. If this really was Raphael, there was no telling where the conversation was going to lead this time.

It was him.

He lowered his bulk into my room, a sight that I didn't think I'd ever get tired of seeing. The hard work that the brothers spent practicing every day was visible on every inch of of their bodies, Raphael's especially. He was soaking wet as he stood before me, dripping water every where.

I sighed. "Hold on."

I left the room and went to grab a towel from the bathroom. I returned and gave it to him quickly. I watched as he dried off about half of his body. There was too much muscle and not enough fabric to get him completely dry.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, finally breaking the tense silence.

"I've been thinking." Raphael replied. "The things you said today. You were right. I just wanted you to know that."

I stared back at him. "Okay..."

Raphael reached out for my hand hesitantly. I could see the conflict in his expression as he did this. I could see that there was an inner battle raging inside of his mind over if this was the right thing to do or not. I wanted nothing more than to reach out for him too, but I knew that this was something he needed to do on his own. I couldn't rush him - he needed to come to me for once.

When he finally did take my hand, I would have been lying if I said that the sight of his much larger, three-fingered one enclosing mine wasn't strange. It was, but the feeling that ran through me at his touch, was not strange. Carefully, he pulled me closer to him, and I felt all of my confidence start to fade away.

I felt like any other typical girl who was about to find out if the guy she was interested in liked her too.

I peeked up at him through my eyelashes, suddenly very aware of how real this was. This was no dream, no figment of my imagination. I reached up with my free hand and touched his chest lightly. Raphael flinched, but didn't move away from me. He slowly reached up and ran one of his fingers along my cheek bone. Now it was my turn to shiver. I'd never been touched so gently before. I'd never had someone treat me like I was breakable.

The overwhelming urge to kiss him over took me. I found myself raising up onto my toes and reaching both of my arms around his broad shoulders. There was no way he was going to initiate this particular interaction - I knew that it had to come from me.

I kissed him lightly, careful to not fall too deeply into my desires and, as Mikey had put it earlier, freak him out. Raphael returned the kiss with more force than I had expected. It caught me off guard, his eagerness, and I made myself pull away before I got too sucked in.

Even though the kiss had ended, I wasn't ready to let go of him just yet. I let myself sink into his chest, my heart beating wildly, and my skin on fire. He held me for a long time, both of us getting used to the feeling of touching each other, of being connected to each other.

"My favorite color _is_ red."

I looked up at him and smiled. It wasn't a very big first step, but at least it was something.

Raphael backed away from me, squeezing my hand tightly before he let it go and left.


	16. Chapter 16: The Truth

After the recent mess of dramatic events, all I wanted was one normal day. I didn't want any more secret missions, arguments, fighting, or awkward conversations. I just wanted to have a chance to let myself catch up, to process all that had taken place. The idea of having to return to work on Monday almost made me have a panic attack. I could almost see the conversations now:

_Hey, Lily. How was your weekend?_

_Oh, it was great! I infiltrated a secret organization that is currently trying to take over the city. Then I totally betrayed someone I really care about. But it's all good now, because he suddenly decided to forgive me and then we kissed. Did I mention he's a 6'0 mutant turtle?_

Ha. Ha. Ha. Just kidding.

No, in reality, I'd just hide behind my desk and avoid every question that I could from my coworkers. It's not like I'd ever betray the brothers and tell anyone about their existence, but I'd have pick my lies very carefully. No one could ever know that I went anywhere near the Foot Clan building. I wasn't sure who I could trust anymore, even with the smallest pieces of information.

Splinter was sitting at the kitchen table when I arrived to their home that afternoon. He had been waiting for me, that I was sure of. He smiled and motioned to the seat next to his. I felt guilty as I went over to him, knowing that I had betrayed his trust just as much as I had betrayed Raphael's. The only difference was that hurting Splinter felt a lot worse: unlike Raphael, I knew he was the type of person who wouldn't get mad. He was the kind of person who simply felt disappointment when they were hurt. And nothing felt worse than someone being disappointed in me. I'd much rather be yelled at.

"Leonardo told me what you did." Splinter began, pushing aside the newspaper he had been reading and then folding his paws in front of him on the table. "That was very brave of you."

"I'm not sure if brave is the word I would use..." I replied. "I just wanted to help."

Splinter nodded. "I know."

"I'm really... sorry." I managed to say weakly. "I never meant to cause so much trouble."

Splinter gave me a long, hard look. I could tell that he was deep in thought, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or bad thing. Would be forbid from seeing his sons? Was I a danger to their safety now?

"I was not completely honest with you before, when I told you the story about how my sons and I became the way that we are." He finally said. "Perhaps if I had been honest with you, this would not have happened. I am partly to blame for these recent events."

"What did you keep from me?" I questioned with confusion.

Splinter took a deep breath, seeming hesitant to say anything more, but then reached for the newspaper on the table and unfolded it. He tapped the front page with one of his long nails and I leaned in close to get a better look. It was a picture of Eric Sacks, a very prominent business man in New York. His owned almost every major company in the city and he was beloved by the people that worked for him.

"I don't understand." I said, still staring down at the picture.

"Eric Sacks helped create the mutagen that created us. And now, he is working with the Foot Clan to recreate the mutagen." Splinter explained. "This is why you should not become involved with anything to do with the Foot Clan, Lily. You work for a company that Sacks Industries owns."

My jaw fell open as all the puzzle pieces began to fall together. Now, it all made sense.

Raphael had known where I worked from the very beginning, because he had been following me home every night after he had saved me. And then, the other day when he pressed me for information about my friends... He must have been trying to figure out if I was close with anyone at my job - perhaps even Sacks himself. It also explained his reaction to me getting involved with Leonardo and Donatello's plan. What I had done yesterday was even more dangerous than I had realized.

"Raphael told you where I worked before he brought me to meet you, didn't he?" I asked softly.

"Yes."

"Did Leonardo or Donatello know?"

"No, they did not. I felt it best to keep that information a secret. If Leonardo had known, he would have never tasked you to plant that device." Splinter said.

"Oh God..." I stuttered. "I had no idea... I can't believe this..."

"Tell me, do you know Eric Sacks personally?" Splinter asked.

"No! I've never even met the man before. My work... it's a really small company. They got bought out by Sacks Industries long before I ever moved to the city." I replied.

"Good." Splinter said gently, placing his paws over my trembling hands. "Then I do not believe you are in any danger."

My heart was racing and adrenaline was crashing through my veins. My whole body was shaking now as I realized just how deep the trouble I had gotten myself into was. If anyone found out that I had been to that building, and lied about my job in order to get up onto the roof, they would know I had been up to something. It wouldn't be too hard for someone to connect the dots - maybe not all the way to the turtles, but they would probably assume I knew something about the Foot Clan.

And then if they went looking on the roof... and they found the device...

I stood up quickly, almost knocking my chair over.

"I need to go clear my head... I'm just gonna go walk around for a little while." I said to Splinter, not giving him a chance to respond before I hurried across the room and went back out to the sewers.

I ignored the spray paint path that had been drawn for me, instead deciding to wander aimlessly. It probably wasn't the smartest idea, but I had the T-Phone with me, so if I got too lost I could always call one of the brothers. A few minutes later, I rounded a corner and came to a dead end. It wasn't damp in this area of the sewer line, so I let myself drop to ground.

It felt like the walls were closing in on me. The brothers were involved in something so much bigger than I could have ever imagined. If Eric Sacks was as corrupt as they claimed... Well, then no one was safe. I tried hard to not cry, but as I sat there on the ground, I began to feel more and more overwhelmed. Eventually, I gave up and let the tears fall freely.

I was in way over my head.

I heard footsteps approaching, and I peered around the corner to see Raphael making his way towards me. Something inside of me broke when I saw him, turning my fears into anger and frustration. There were more issues with this situation than just the one with the true identity of Eric Sacks. I climbed to my feet and turned to face him.

"You're a hypocrite, you know that right?" I stated coldly. "You made me feel like such a bitch yesterday for lying to you. But all this time, you were keeping something from me too."

"I didn't think you'd be goin' behind my back with Leo. I didn't think it would matter."

"That's not an excuse."

Raphael's eyes narrowed. "I was protecting you."

"No you weren't!" I cried. "What was it that you said to me yesterday? '_You didn't protect me, you lied to me_.' God, I did the same thing as you, and you attacked me for it. But it's okay for you to lie to me?"

"Splinter didn't want you to know." Raphael shot back. "I had no choice."

"Well, that's all fine and great, but that still doesn't explain why you were so mean to me yesterday. You knew that I didn't know the truth, but yet you still made me feel awful for what I did! You could have been honest with me then, and at least I would have understood why you were so mad! Were you just never going to tell me?" I yelled in response.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I'm just not a good person? Hell, I'm sure Mikey has told you plenty of times that I'm an asshole. Always have been, always will be. If you have a problem with that, then I can't help you." Raphael replied harshly.

"Oh whatever, Raphael. I don't buy into that act. And that doesn't answer my question."

"What question?" He snapped.

"Were you just never going to tell me the truth?"

"I was." He growled, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"Oh, really? When?" I asked.

"Last night."

"Hm. I must have missed that part of the conversation." I replied sarcastically.

"Lily!" Raphael exclaimed angrily. "I was gonna tell you. Why the hell do you think I came over after we argued? I felt like shit and I wanted to make things right, okay? But then you kissed me and I didn't want to fuck things up. Again."

I sighed, feeling worn out, like I had just run a mile. He was an impossible person to argue with, but I guessed that he probably felt the same way about me right now. Raphael had a way of bringing my inner hothead to the surface.

"What now?" He asked me, his voice low.

It was simple question, but I was able to read between the lines. He wasn't simply asking me what we were going to do right now, at this moment. He was asking what was going to happened between us, from this point on. Even though he was trying hard to keep it hidden from his features, I could see the worry in his expression and in his eyes.

For the first time, I could see that he was just as scared of losing me as I was of losing him.

I wasn't sure what to say to him, because I wasn't sure what was going to happen now, about anything. I took the few steps forward that I needed to in order to close the distance between us. I laid my head against his chest, trying to convey through my embrace how much I needed him, now more than ever. I couldn't hear his heart beat, like you'd be able to on a normal person, but I could hear him breathe, which was just as soothing. He pulled me closer, his rough skin cool against my own. I closed my eyes, trying to relax.

Somehow, even though I hated fighting with him, every argument seemed to bring me a little closer to Raphael. Maybe he had been right earlier - maybe he was just an asshole, and arguing was the only way he knew how to deal with things. As I let myself calm down a little more, my thoughts drifted away from the comfort that I felt from his arms around me, and they landed on another face, which immediately made my eyes snap back open.

I had a feeling that from now on, Eric Sacks would be haunting my dreams.


	17. Chapter 17: Questions

Raphael and I made our way back to their home. Splinter was no longer sitting in the kitchen. I assumed that he was probably off mediating, trying to come to peace with the situation just as I was. So much had happened in just a few days, and it was hard to believe any of it was actually real. I excused myself to go and use the bathroom even though I really just wanted a moment alone.

I stared at myself in the mirror for a long time. Small dark circles were starting to form under my eyes from lack of sleep and stress. My bangs needed to be trimmed, as they were starting to hang too low on my face. I wiped at the corners of my eyelids, taking care of the smudges that hard formed due to the crying that had just taken place.

I hadn't even known the brothers that long, but I still felt like a completely different person. It was a cliche, but it was the truth. Not only was my appearance showing signs or wear and tear, but it had been a while since I had spent everyday with someone else. It had also been awhile since I'd kissed someone. Those feelings were at least somewhat familiar to me: I'd been apart of a family before. I'd been in love before.

And yes, I had run away from all of that when I had left California, but at least I knew what to expect this time around.

It was the fear and the worry that I wasn't familiar with. Those emotions were heavy weights to bare, and really, I didn't know what to do. I could let them swallow me. I could give in and let them crash over me like the tide. I could let them rip me away.

Or I could become someone who was tough. I could become the type of girl that I had never believed that I could be. I could stay, and be with Raphael.

If he only knew how weak I really was... He'd probably want nothing to do with me. Raphael was the strongest person I'd ever known. Not just because he had muscles, not just because he was a trained ninja, but because somehow, he'd lived his whole life down in the sewer. He had let himself believe that no one would ever see him as a human. He had convinced himself that he was monster. And yet, despite all of that darkness, he'd still become loyal, brave, and though I knew he tried very hard to hide it, he had become someone who was kind.

Honestly, it was unbelievable. Most people would have broken. Most people would have let those feelings of self-doubt, and maybe even self-hatred, destroy them from the inside out.

When I finally started to make my way back towards Raphael's room, I could hear the sounds of him hitting something. When I opened the door, he was mid swing, and I watched as his fist connected powerfully to the punching bag that hung in the corner. At least he was taking his aggression out on some_thing_ instead of some_one _for once.

"Have you ever read the book_ Fight Club_?" I asked him as I leaned up against the wall and watched.

"No."

"I'll get it for you. I think you'd like it." I said, and he didn't seem to notice the fact that I was teasing him - either that, or he just didn't care.

Right above my head was the area that he had punched the day before. Now that I was actually taking the time to observe the spot, I saw that he done a lot more damage than I had originally thought. There was actually a hole in the wall. He caught me staring at it and stopped hitting the punching bag.

I ran a finger over the jagged rock. "You know, you're pretty scary. I'm glad I'm on your good side." I said, raising an eyebrow playfully.

He smirked at me. "For now."

I laughed as I went over to sit down on his bed. I pulled my legs up to my chest and leaned by back against the headboard, watching as he started to remove the extra binding that he had wrapped around his hands. As I did this, I remembered the very first time I had come down to the sewer, seen the turtle's home, and met Splinter. I remembered falling asleep next to Raphael, with my head resting on his shoulder, and then waking up in this very bed. I remembered seeing him asleep out on the couch, no mask, no weapons, just Raphael.

I wondered if he ever thought about those events, and if they made him feel the same way that they made me feel. I wondered what falling for someone felt like to him.

Did he feel the same as humans do when they fell in love? Or was it different for him?

I would have given anything to know what his thoughts were like. Half the time I pictured them just being bright flashes of anger, but in these quiet moments, I figured there was more going on inside of his head than I would ever really understand.

Raphael took a seat on the bed with me, sitting closer to me than he ever had before. He was practically touching me, which felt like some kind of achievement.

I studied his profile. Since our kiss, he no longer looked the same to me. I found more comfort in his green eyes than I had before, and his shell didn't appear to be as big or as awkward. I guess, to put it simply, I was just growing more accustomed to these abnormalities. It wasn't like they had ever really bothered me, and now, I hardly even noticed them. I had feeling that soon, they would all but disappear to me.

It was a strange thought. I would never understand why I was so drawn to Raphael, and I knew that no matter how much I could try to convince myself otherwise, he was not human. He never would be human. Wanting to be with him went against everything ethical and rational in my mind, yet I found it easy to push those doubts aside.

After all, it had been a human who had held me at gun point, and it had been the mutant who had saved me.

"How did you get that scar above your lip?" I asked him, tilting my head to the side as I observed him some more.

"Mikey." He replied flatly.

"Ah. I probably should have known that." I chuckled. "Why is there tape on your shell?"

"It's cracked. Old injury." He answered. "What's with all the questions?"

"I've asked two questions, Raph. Don't be dramatic." I scolded, kicking him lightly with my foot.

I could see the way he reacted to me calling him by his nickname instead of his full name. It seemed like it pleased him.

_I'll have to remember that._

"You know, you can ask me stuff too." I added.

He was quiet for a moment. "What's your favorite color?"

Of course that _had_ to be the question he would ask.

"Uhmmm..." I pondered, chewing on my bottom lip.

"It's not a hard question." He stated impatiently.

I sighed. "Don't be mad... but it's purple."

"Oh."

"_But_," I continued quickly. "Green is my other favorite color."

I could tell that he was fighting to hold back a smile.

"What does the symbol painted on your shell stand for?" I asked, wanting to quickly change the subject, and also figuring that it was my turn now.

"Family." He replied.

I smiled. "I see. Ask me something else."

I leaned forward a bit, bringing myself ever-so-slightly closer to Raphael, and waited for him to come up with something.

"What is your favorite animal?" He finally decided. "And please, don't say it's a turtle."

I burst out laughing, shocked that he'd actually made a joke. "You're in luck. It's not a turtle. I like wolves."

I tapped my fingers against my chin, trying to come up with my next question. I wished that there was music playing or at least some kind of noise to fill the silence as I thought.

"This is kinda random. But, why don't you have a TV in here? Mikey has one in his room."

"I used to have one." Raphael answered.

"What happened to it?"

"I broke it."

"How?"

"I hit it."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

But, before he could answer me, someone began to knock urgently on the door. Raphael got to his feet and went to see who it was. Donatello stood before us, his eyes wide behind his glasses, seeming like he was incredibly freaked out.

"What?" Raphael demanded.

"There is something on the news that you need to see." Donatello stated quickly, then started to hurry back down the hallway.

I followed him and Raphael curiously, an uneasy feeling forming in the pit of my stomach. Mikey, Leonardo, and Splinter were already gathered around the TV in the living room, all of them staring at the news report that was currently spread across the screen.

_"We've just received word about a robbery that took place earlier this afternoon. It seems as though a supply truck for a local gun store was taken down by a group that is calling themselves the Foot Clan. Everything inside of the truck was stolen. Luckily, no one was injured during the attack. The city's Gang Task Force will be investing the robbery to find out more about this so called Foot Clan. As of right now, we have no further information, and are assuming it to be a one time crime. We will update you as soon as we hear more. Stay tuned for April O'Neil covering the -"_

Leonardo muted the TV, his mouth set in a grim line. I swallowed hard, afraid to look at Raphael's expression. I assumed it would not be good.

"Why would the Foot Clan reveal themselves?" Donatello said, asking the question we all had on the tip of our tongue's.

"I do not know, my son." Splinter said softly.

"This is bad." Leonardo stated. "We can't let them get away with this, Sensei."

"We must learn their motives before we can decide upon a course of action." Splinter replied.

"How are we supposed to do that while we're stuck down here?" Raphael said sharply. "They're gonna start killin' people if we don't do somethin'!"

"Yeah!" Mikey chimed in, nodding his head in agreement.

"I fear that the Shredder's plans are far more complicated than we could have ever imaged." Splinter mused, pulling at the long hairs of his beard, ignoring the urges of his family.

I took a step away from the group, feeling out of place in the conversation. Obviously, I wouldn't be able to offer them any sort of help on the matter. I had to keep my distance from Eric Sacks and the Foot Clan now.

"I should go... I'm sure you need time to talk about this..." I said.

"I'll take you home." Raphael replied, beginning to follow me.

I shook my head. "No. I'll be fine. This is more important."

"Keep your phone on you at all times." Leonardo told me firmly. "Call if you see anything suspicious. _Anything_."

"Of course." I agreed.

I gave Raphael one last look, and then turned to leave.

* * *

Working in the party planning business had never been a dream of mine. After years of working retail and food service jobs, I'd had plenty of customer service experience to put on my resume when I'd started looking for a job. I hadn't been picky - I'd just wanted to leave California. I'd searched Craigslist from top to bottom, applying to literally everything that was posted. I didn't even remember the business that I applied to most of the time. They had all began to blur together.

And then one day, The Special Event had called me and wanted to do a phone interview. That had then lead to a Skype interview, and I had been hired to work the front desk. After only a few months, I got promoted to a Coordinator in training for the big parties. I hadn't expected to enjoy the work as much as I did, but I found myself actually happy to go to the office everyday. Not to mention, the slight pay raise from the promotion had been enough to get me off of my Top Ramen diet once and for all.

Now, it all seemed like some kind of sick cosmic joke. Who would have thought that the job I had once enjoyed would become the thing I was now deeply dreading? Who would have been able to guess that I would take a job for the man who had mutated four turtles and a giant rat that I would eventually become friends with?

No one, that's who. Because most people don't have those kind of problems in their life.

As I sat at my desk, I was supposed to be calling our invitation printing company to get an order placed for a wedding we were doing. Instead, I was on The Special Event's website, staring at the words _"__Owned by Sacks Industries." _I knew that I would never be able to focus until I got some answers, and so I went to the office of my boss.

"Come in!" She called when I knocked on the door.

"Oh, Lily. Everything going okay with the Holden Wedding?" Jen asked me when she looked up from the stack of papers on her desk. She was an older women, with short grey hair and dark brown eyes. She always dressed in an extremely classy manner, usually in a suit or a skirt and blouse. She looked like the kind of woman you could trust to plan your special day.

"It's going great. Just need to order the invites, and hopefully figure out what kind of menu she wants. The soon-to-be husband has an impressive list of food allergies." I replied.

Jen chuckled. "It's always something, isn't it?"

I nodded. "But actually... I have kind of an odd question for you. I know that Sacks Industries owns this company. Do we ever plan events for him? It's just that in all the time I've worked here, I've never actually heard anything about him."

"Well, Sacks Industries bought us out quite a while ago. I believe the story is that he was looking for a company to handle his private house events, but we've only ever done a few parties for Sacks Construction. I've never even met the man myself." Jen explained, turning her attention back to the papers before her.

I let out a sigh of relief. "Oh. I was just curious."

"It's funny you should ask that though." Jen continued just as I had turned to leave.

"Why?" I questioned.

"I just got a call not ten minutes ago about planning an event for Sacks. Supposedly, the rich are going to get richer, and so he needs to throw a party." Jen replied.

I could tell that she was trying to be funny, and I knew that I was supposed to laugh, but all I could do was stare back at her in shock while forcing a smile.

"Oh. Interesting." I manged to say. "I'll let you get back to work."

I closed the door to her office and went back to my desk. My heart was beating wildly. I tried to rationalize the situation inside of my mind: just because we were going to be planning a party for him, that didn't mean I would have to see him. After all, Jen had never even met him. There was no reason to freak out.

_There is no reason to freak out._

I would just have to repeat that to myself until I started to believe it.

* * *

That night I found myself laying in bed, absolutely terrified.

Every noise, every creak and squeak, made me think of the Foot Clan. I'd tried to watch TV before going to sleep, but every news station was talking about the attack on the gun truck. Apparently, the police department was taking the robbery very seriously, not wanting to let yet another New York gang gain any hold over the city.

Little did they know, the Foot Clan wasn't just an average gang looking to fight over turf and drugs.

A car alarm sounded in the distance, and I almost jumped out of my skin. I'd already checked the locks on my windows and front door about a hundred times. Obviously, nothing was going to make me feel better.

_There is one thing that might._

The idea had been floating around in my head for a while now. It was a stupid idea, one that would probably embarrass me to the point of wanting to die. But, I couldn't think of any other options. I needed to sleep. I was starting to feel crazy and unhinged. A good night rest would probably ease my nerves and help me be more rational.

Having made up my mind, I climbed out from beneath the covers and gathered up a few things that I would need for a night away from home. Then I headed towards the sewer.

If I thought being alone in my apartment was bad, walking alone at night and then going underground was horrifying. I looked over my shoulder so many times my neck actually started to hurt, and I had a layer of sweat on my skin from the nerves. I knew I probably looked like a hot mess, but it was too late to turn back now.

I was already at the turtle's front door.

I crept into their home slowly, knowing that I wouldn't see any of them up at this hour. I stood outside Raphael'd bedroom for a good five minutes, deciding if this was actually a smart idea or not. I contemplated just crashing on the couch, but if I was being honest with myself, that wasn't the only reason I had come here.

I needed to feel like I was safe. There was only one person who could make me feel safe from the Foot Clan.

I knocked on the door quickly, steeling myself for Raphael's attitude. I assumed he would not be happy to find me outside of his bedroom in my leopard print pajamas.

I saw the light flick on and heard him move across the room. The amount of shock in his expression upon seeing that it was me almost made me laugh out loud.

"Surprise." I said weakly, smiling at him awkwardly.

"What the hell, Lily?" He muttered.

I steeled myself for the anger that I could already sense growing. And then his eyes traveled over me, taking in the sight of what I was wearing and the backpack hanging over my shoulder.

"Did you walk down here like _that_?" He asked incredulously.

"Yep." I replied. "I couldn't sleep."

"And this is where you decided to come?"

I nodded. "I have a favor to ask you."

Raphael's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "One that couldn't wait til mornin'?"

"My favor is asking if I can sleep here tonight."

There. I had said it.

It was hard to keep my expression casual. I was thankful for the dark hallway since I was sure my cheeks were bright red.

"Did somethin' happen?" Raphael asked, his tone now full of concern.

"Nope. Just... Don't really feel like being alone." I admitted.

"Okay..." He replied slowly.

As usual, he didn't seem to believe me. Of course, I was totally lying. Some thing had happened. But I didn't want to get into all that so late at night.

Raphael stepped aside and I walked past him into the room. I dropped my bag to the floor and then climbed into his bed. It was still warm from when he had been sleeping in it only minutes before. Already I felt my muscles loosen, my breaths even out.

"Do you need anythin'?" He asked, still standing in the doorway.

I shook my head 'no', and then he started to leave.

"Where are you going?" I asked quickly, unable to hide the desperation in my voice.

"The couch?" Raphael replied, sounding a bit confused.

I couldn't help but chuckle. "Uhm...yeah. So, when I asked if I could sleep here tonight, I meant... with... you."

Raphael had an incredible poker face. If what I had just said freaked him out at all, he wasn't letting it show. My words hung in the air for quite a while before he turned out the light and then finally came back over to the bed. My eyes hadn't adjusted to the dark yet, but I felt the bed move as he settled beside me. I was careful to leave plenty of room between us as I laid down and got comfortable as well.

"Thank you." I whispered.

He didn't respond, and so I figured he was just trying to get back to sleep. The quiet room was a much needed escape. The sound of his breathing was just as comforting as I had thought it would be. I had just begun to drift off... and then I heard him speak.

"Why did you come here?"

"I told you." I answered. "I didn't want to be alone."

"But why did you come _here_?"

"This is the only place I knew I'd feel safe." I said truthfully.

"I'm sure that's not true."

"It is." I replied firmly.

Raphael sighed heavily, and I could sense there were a lot more things that he wanted to say to me, and possibly even argue about, but he didn't. Thankfully, he just let me rest.

And I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not when it happened, but I could have sworn I heard him murmur '_sweet dreams'_.


	18. Chapter 18: Decisions

_Author's note:_

_Thank you all SO much for your reviews, messages, follows, and likes. Your support and enthusiasm for my story makes me so happy. I really have no words. Also, thank you for being patient with me for not updating in a while. This summer has been really busy for me, and I just got back from a huge camping trip where I had no service. I have every intention of getting back to a regular schedule of updating! We are closing in on Part Two of this story, where everything will change. I have been toying with the idea of writing part two from Raphael's point of view. Would you all like that? Or would you prefer it to remain from Lily's point of view? Let me know in a review or message. :)_

_Thank you again, and enjoy._

_~ Kaija. _

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, I was trapped.

Somehow during the night, I had curled up next to Raphael. He was on his stomach with one of his large arms curled around my waist. I had no blankets covering me, but his body was warm against mine. Although most of my skin was touching him, I could feel the hard edge of his shell brush against my arm slightly. I was overwhelmed with sensations, the most shocking being that he was actually touching me - and not just in the I'm-obviously-trying-to-touch-you-as-little-as-possible way that he usually did. No, he was gripping me, tightly, and I couldn't move an inch even if I had wanted to.

I didn't want to. Not at all. At least, not until I had laid there for about a half an hour, enjoying the closeness and the comfort, but then I suddenly had to pee. I sighed. There were two ways to go about this: wake Raphael up and risk a really awkward moment of him realizing how intimate we were being, or trying, somehow, to get free from his grasp. I chose the latter.

First, I adjusted myself slightly and rolled onto my back. His hold on me loosened just a bit, and thankfully it was enough for me to slide myself down and out from under his arm.

Success.

I was getting used to the darkness of his room. There was a slight glow coming from his clock, which read 5 AM. I assumed he too would be waking up soon to prepare for practice with his brothers. I couldn't help but smile at how refreshed I felt as I went to the bathroom. I had slept deeply, the kind with no dreams, and no tossing or turning.

That last part really wasn't so shocking though - who knew how long Raphael had been holding me firmly in place.

When I exited the bathroom, I was so overwhelmed with normal, giddy girl thoughts that I didn't even notice Mikey lurking behind me. I only became aware of him standing there when he loudly cleared his throat. I flipped around quickly.

"Nice leopard print." He commented, a devious smile already spread across his lips. "You stay the night here, Lil?"

"Uhm..." I replied stupidly.

"I didn't see Raph on the couch when I went to see if Splinter was awake yet." He continued.

"Yeah, we uh... I came over and... I couldn't sleep. So... I came here." I explained, completely mortified.

Mikey's eyes widened in excitement. "So does that mean that you and Ra-"

"_Mikey_." I cut him off firmly, already knowing where he was about to go with that sentence. "That's none of your business."

He just laughed. "Whatever. I'll get the truth out of you eventually."

"Oh, geez." I groaned. "It's too early for this. I'll deal with you later."

I couldn't help but give him a quick smile before I raced back to Raphael's room. I assumed Raph would be mad at me for getting caught by Mikey, since I was sure Mikey had probably already raced off to tell Leonardo and Donatello about our little sleepover.

Raphael hadn't moved since I left, so I climbed back into his bed. It was only a moment before he reached out and pulled me, quite forcibly, closer again.

How odd.

I froze, unsure if he was still asleep and just didn't know what he was doing, or if I was somehow dreaming all of this. I laid there for another few minutes, pondering what could possibly be the cause of his sudden need to be all touchy with me. It wasn't that I minded...

"Are you awake?" I finally whispered when I couldn't handle staring at the dark ceiling anymore.

"Mmph." He mumbled in response.

That didn't exactly settle my suspicions.

"Raph." I said a little bit louder than before.

"What?" He answered, this time in a completely normal tone.

"So, you are awake."

"Yeah,_ now _I am." He grumbled.

He still hadn't moved his arm away from me.

"Sorry. Uhm... Mikey saw me when I went to use the bathroom a minute ago." I admitted.

"So?"

"So... I just wanted to warn you. He is probably telling the others all kinds of things right now..."

"I don't care." Raphael replied.

I actually believed him. He sounded completely un-bothered by what I had said. Now I really was starting to think that I was dreaming.

"You... don't?" I repeated.

"Nah."

"Oh..." I said, now utterly confused.

"I'm not fightin' this anymore." He continued.

Even in the dark, I could tell that his eyes were still closed. His voice was even, not angry or annoyed. Raphael seemed... relaxed.

_Relaxed?!_

"Fighting... what?" I questioned.

"You and me."

"Wait, what?" I squeaked.

Raphael sighed, a little bit of his usual manner coming back as he got frustrated with my questions. "I thought 'bout it last night. And I'm done."

"When last night?"

"While you were sleepin'. You know you snore, right?" Raphael replied, chuckling.

I'd been focusing on the ceiling again, but I turned to look at him in shock and was met by his now open green eyes. I almost choked as I swallowed heavily.

"Well, _you_ hog the covers." I snapped defensively when I had regained my composure. "And I don't understand what you're trying to say."

"If you wanna be with a mutant-turtle-freak, then fine. I'm not gonna try an' stop you anymore." Raphael said.

"And you just... decided this?" I clarified.

"Yeah."

I quickly sat upright, my sudden movement taking him by surprise, his arm falling away from my body. He let out a long sigh and sat up as well.

"You've got to be kidding me right now. You stomp around for days, acting like the idea of you and I is some horrible thing, but then one night you just _decide_ that you're over it? How the hell does that happen?" I asked, my voice getting louder and louder as I talked.

Raphael shrugged. "It's just how I am."

I was quite for a moment, letting that statement sink in.

"I don't understand you." I finally said.

I didn't mean it as an insult. I just wished that I could see the way his mind worked, how one day he could be at one extreme, but then the next day have a completely different attitude.

"Right back at ya." He replied.

A smirk spread across his face and the look in his eyes was one that made my heart skip a few beats. He seemed to actually _like_ the fact that he didn't fully understand me and that I didn't understand him. In fact, it seemed to make him_ happy _which was something I couldn't quite wrap my head around just yet.

Most people don't enjoy taking the time to understand other people. They view it as a chore and not a privilege. Most people let their differences tear them apart from those that they care about. Honestly, most people don't care at all about understanding who you are.

But not Raphael. The way his eyes were currently watching me made me feel like all he wanted to do was explore every detail of who I was. For once, his green eyes were not a reflection of rage, or annoyance, or fear. They went deeper than I had ever thought possible.

It was both scary and thrilling at the same time. I found myself being taken over by the sensation growing in my chest - the feeling of falling, of having no control over your actions or your thoughts. I was caught up in his eyes, the curve of his mouth, the closeness of his body to mine.

Wanting.

That was what I felt. I wanted him and I could tell that he wanted me. Not just sexually, physically, because I knew that was there too, but also emotionally. He wanted to understand me and I wanted to understand him.

I straightened up on the bed, bringing myself up closer to his height so that I could kiss him. I felt the difference right away in his response to my actions. There was no hesitation, no careful placing of his hands on my body. As he returned the kiss, it was what I had always expected from him in the first place: hard, rough, demanding. There was nothing unsure about the way that he touched me now. He held me in place firmly once he had brought me closer to his chest, some of his true strength coming through as he did so. His aggressiveness made me feel a little nervous. This was a whole other side of him that I was seeing. One that was not only passionate, but controlling, fierce. I liked it, but it was nothing that I had ever experienced before.

It seemed like he really had been telling the truth earlier.

He wasn't going to fight this anymore.

* * *

Later that morning, I was waiting for Raphael to finish getting ready so he could walk me to the manhole. I needed to go home and get ready for work, which had escaped my mind completely until now. I hadn't wanted to spoil the mood with Raphael by telling him that Sacks was planning a party and I would most likely be working on it. I was still freaked out of course, but a good nights rest had helped me gain a stronger hold on my emotions: the chances of me actually coming face to face with Sacks was slim to none. I would probably end up making a few phone calls, planning a few menus, and then the party would be done with. There was no need to stir everyone up into a panic before I even knew if there was truly anything to panic about.

Donatello came into the living room and gave me a shy smile, his eyes barely meeting mine.

Yep, Mikey had definitely been telling his brothers about how I had spent the night with Raphael.

"Hey." I greeted him, trying to sound casual.

"Good morning, Lily." He replied.

He went into the kitchen and began to busy himself making food. I got up from my spot on the couch and took a seat the table.

"Have you gotten any information about the Foot Clan from the device that I planted?" I asked.

Donatello's shoulders stiffened slightly at my question. "Uhmm..."

I sighed. "Did Raphael tell you not to talk to me about this?"

"Well..." He continued awkwardly, and that pretty much answered my question.

"Look. You don't have to give me a bunch of details, but I think I deserve to know how it's going since I helped." I said, a little more sharply than I probably should have.

"Honestly, there isn't much to tell. I haven't gotten any information about the Foot Clan. It's been quiet." Donatello admitted, giving me a sad look.

"That seems... Odd." I said, chewing on my bottom lip.

"The Foot Clan could have gone there that one time on purpose. Possibly to mislead us, if they thought we might be tracking them. Or they could move around on a regular basis to prevent anyone from tracking them. The possibilities are endless." Donatello shrugged, sitting down beside me with a bagel and cream cheese. He offered me half, which I gladly took.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I admitted. "That was the day they ambushed you. It could have been a trap all along."

"What could have been a trap?"

I turned around quickly in my chair, the piece of bagel I had been taking a bite out of halfway in my mouth as I did. Raphael had appeared and did not look amused by what we had been discussing.

"The Foot Clan leading you to that building..." I clarified slowly.

"You need to leave this Foot Clan business alone, Lily." Raphael said firmly. "We've got it handled."

His eyes settled on Donatello, giving his brother a warning glare.

"Fine." I replied, even though the information that Donatello had given made my stomach grow uneasy, for reasons that I didn't fully understand. "I was just curious."

"Come on." Raphael said, motioning for me to go with him. "I gotta get back before practice."

I gave Donatello an apologetic look for getting him into trouble, then got up to follow Raphael so he could take me home.

My mind was spinning with thoughts of what Donatello had told me. I wasn't upset that the risk I had taken to plant the device was probably all for nothing - if anything, it made me feel better, because it meant that there was an even better chance that the Foot Clan didn't know I was involved with the brothers. However, it still made me uneasy, because it seemed like Sacks was a step ahead. He had ambushed the brothers, then lead them astray, making them think that building was a base of operations, when really it was probably nothing.

A chill went down my spin as I thought about all the guards in the building that I had seen.

Something pulled at my thoughts, making me reevaluate what I had been considering. If the building really was that useless, then why have so many people working there, ensuring that I didn't wander off while I had been inside of it?

I remembered the long hallway with all the doors. What was behind them?

If there was Foot Clan activity going on there, why was Donatello unable to pick up on any of it?

Nothing made sense to me, but I was too afraid to ask Raphael about it.

He was holding my hand as we walked, and I didn't want him to let go.


	19. Chapter 19: Caught

_Click._

_Clang._

_Crunch._

_Clack._

_Thud._

I looked up from the screen of the laptop that I had sitting on my lap to see Donatello pinning Mikey to the ground. Unlike the first time that I had sat watching the brothers practice, this time they were just having fun. They had been at it all afternoon, even long after Splinter had disappeared to go tend to other things around their home. I suspected that their motivation to keep fighting was that they didn't really have anything else to do. I knew that tensions were rising as the Foot Clan were making themselves more known. The gun truck had only been the beginning - now, they were robbing all sorts of businesses around the city. People were starting to get worried, and the brothers were starting to despise the idea of being trapped in the sewers.

Hence, all the practicing. They needed a way to get all of their tensions out, but at least as they did so, they were remaining civil towards each other.

For now.

I knew that Splinter was aware of the issues surrounding his "grounding" of the turtles. The Foot Clan was running wild, and they were the only ones in the city who really understood who the Foot Clan was. They were also the only ones who actually stood a chance of defeating them. But, the fact still remained that the Foot Clan was onto them, and now to make matters worse, the streets were flooded every night with cops - it made things even more dangerous for the brothers to be running around.

If they were seen, that would be a whole other story.

I sighed, bringing my attention back to the website I had been browsing. I had my own issues to deal with: Eric Sacks' party and the fact that he was incredibly picky when it came to his decorations. There was also the small problem that I still hadn't told Raphael that I was working for him, but as I had predicted, I hadn't come face to face with Sacks at all. The party was scheduled for the upcoming weekend and then it would be over.

The computer screen suddenly froze and I almost threw the damn thing against the wall.

"Donatello," I groaned. "It's messing up again."

The purple-masked turtle hurried over to my side and crouched down.

"Sorry." He said, taking the device from me and beginning to type furiously. "It's still in testing."

Of course my laptop didn't get service down in the sewers, so I was forced to use one of his, which I had thought would make things easier...

I was wrong. Donatello had taken it as an open invitation to get me all of his newest inventions so that I could "take them for a test drive" and "give him feedback". At first I had thought it would be fun, but now I was regretting taking him up on the offer.

"You almost done?" Raphael called over.

He had been lifting weights and I could see the gleam of sweat on his skin from across the room.

"I'll never been done." I replied dramatically.

All he did was laugh and go back to this work out. He wasn't very good at the whole "sympathy" thing.

"That should do it." Donatello said, giving the computer back to me.

"Thank you."

I set back to work, pulling up all the webpages that I had been on once again. I had just began to read an email that had come in, when the screen went black.

"_Shit._" I muttered. I'd finally had enough.

"Guys, I gotta get this work done before the weekend. I'm gonna go home and use my own computer." I said, already gathering up my things.

"Bye, Lil." Mikey hollered cheerfully as Raphael came over to kiss me goodbye.

It was still a miracle to me that he did such things in front of his family now. It had only been a week since that faithful night when I slept over and everything had changed, but Raphael had been telling the truth when he'd said that he wasn't going to care anymore. The first few times he had touched me in front of his brothers, Mikey had, of course, made comments. Raphael had threatened to kill Mikey, so then Leonardo had stepped in, Raphael had then threatened to kill Mikey _and_ Leo, until finally Splinter put an end to it by threatening to never order pizza again until they all stopped arguing.

Thankfully, the threat had worked, and Mikey now kept his mouth shut.

"Want me to walk you out?" Raphael asked me.

"Nah," I replied as I waved goodbye to Donatello and Leonardo. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"You know where I'll be." Raphael said dryly.

I sighed. He'd been trying really hard to keep his temper under control when I was around, but I'd been hearing all the horror stories from Mikey about how Raphael acted when I wasn't here. Normally, I'd think that Mikey was just being dramatic, but even Leonardo seemed to treading carefully around his brother, so I figured that the stories were mostly true.

I felt bad for the brothers, but there wasn't anything that I could do. Besides, I'd much rather have them sulking in the sewers than risk getting caught by the Foot Clan.

* * *

When I reached the surface, my phone began buzzing wildly inside of my bag. I pulled it out to see that I had three missed calls and five unread text messages, as well as the current incoming call.

"What now?" I muttered to myself, seeing that it was my boss.

"Hello?" I then said cheerfully as I answered.

"I've been trying to call you for an hour." Jen snapped. "Where were you?"

"Sorry, I've been running around the city all day. My phone doesn't get very good service down on the subway." I lied. "What's going on?"

"Mr. Sacks has requested a meeting with one of the party planners to discuss an issue that he has with the seating chart. I'm stuck here at the office and Laura has the day off. I need you to go." Jen explained quickly.

I swallowed hard. "Me?"

"Yes, you. You helped with the seating chart didn't you?"

"I did." I replied meekly.

"Okay, then you can go and meet him. Figure it out. Do whatever you have to in order to make him happy. We _need_ this party to be perfect, Lily, do you understand?" Jen said, sounding like she was on the verge of a nervous break down.

"Of course. I'll handle it. Where am I supposed to meet him?"

"I'll text you the address. Get there as soon as you can." She ordered me and then hung up without even saying goodbye.

My legs were shaking as I stood in the alley and waited for the text.

_Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic._

My phone buzzed once more and I struggled to open the text since my hands felt like jelly. It took me a moment to realize where I was supposed to meet Eric Sacks. At first, the numbers just looked vaguely familiar, but then, I felt like I was going to pass out when I remembered where I had seen them before.

The address was for the building that I had bugged.

I stared down at the screen in shock. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

I looked over at the manhole, wondering if the right thing to do was to tell Raphael. He'd be mad at me for keeping everything a secret from him, but that honestly wasn't what I was afraid of: if I told him, he'd lose it. He'd go after Sacks and the Foot Clan. There would be no way to stop him, and it would probably result in him getting hurt, or captured, or... killed.

No. I couldn't tell him. Raphael, and his brothers as well, were in no mental state to handle this kind of information right now. I couldn't risk them doing something drastic, not when I was most likely overreacting.

What did I think was going to happen? My boss knew where I was going and it wasn't like Sacks had requested me specifically. They'd never recognize me, since the last time that I had gone to the building I had pretty much been in disguise.

_I'll be fine.__ It's just for work. I'll get in and out as quickly as possible._

I gave the manhole cover one last glance. No matter what, I knew that I was making the right decision by not telling the brothers.

That was the only thing I felt truly confident about.

* * *

The building hadn't changed.

It was still tall, ominous, with no signs or markings of what it was for. Once again, I entered the cold, uninviting lobby and found the same receptionist behind the desk. I took a deep breath and approached her, trying not to appear as nervous as I felt.

"Uhm, I'm here for a meeting with Eric Sacks." I said quickly. "I'm with The Special Event."

She looked up at me briefly, and I felt a little relieved that I saw no signs of her recognizing me as she did so.

"Second floor, first door on your left." She replied curtly.

I turned around and headed for the elevator as fast as I could without seeming suspicious. I was sweating like crazy, which made me feel gross and only added to my stress. He'd know something was wrong with me if I appeared in his office looking like I had just run a mile. I wiped at my forehead as the elevator doors opened and I stepped into the hallway. Unlike the first time I had been in the building, there was no one standing guard. I took note of everything: maybe, once this party was over, I would tell the brothers what had happened and these details might be of some help to them.

I knocked on the first door to my left and heard a muffled "_come in!_" from the other side. I steeled myself for whatever was about to happen and entered.

It seemed to be some kind of conference room. There was a long, black table in the center and at least two dozen chairs seated around it. On the walls hung the usual boring, blandly colored pictures that most offices have. The shades were drawn tightly over the window, which gave the space an eerie darkness despite the light being on overhead. Eric Sacks was sitting at the head of the table on the opposite side of the room from the doorway. He had paperwork spread out in front him and a mug with a tea bag sitting beside it on a small plate.

"Hello." He greeted me. His tone wasn't rude, but it also wasn't welcoming. It just... was.

"Hi. I'm Lily Goldson. I'm with The Special Event." I replied, trying not to give away the fact that I was actually panicking.

"Ah, yes. Please, have a seat." Sacks said.

I hesitated, unsure of where exactly he wanted me to sit.

He chuckled, picking up on my reluctance. "Right here will be fine," he added, motioning to the seat to his right.

"Great." I said stupidly, as I smiled nervously.

I walked alongside the long table and took up the spot beside him. I felt uncomfortable, being so close to him, but I had no choice. I had to suck it up and remember that I was here on business. I had to be professional.

"So, Mr. Sacks, I was told that you have some issues with the seating chart? What can I do to fix it?" I questioned him, pulling the paperwork out of my bag and finding the piece that had the floor plan for the party printed on it.

"Please, call me Eric." He said smoothly, giving me a small smile that sent a chill up my spine.

I nodded politely. "If you insist."

"But yes, I do have an issue." Eric said, pulling the piece of paper towards him and examining it. "This table is too close to the stage."

He pointed to the table that we had planned to put right up front. I quickly made a note of his comment.

"That's any easy fix!" I said cheerfully. "What else?"

"That's all." He said simply.

He leaned back against his chair and fixed me a level glance. I tried to not let my jaw drop to the ground at his words. He had called me all the way down here for... _that_?!

"Oh." I said, pulling my eyes away from his face and looking at the paper. "Well then, that was easy. If all our clients had such small complaints, I'd be out of a job!"

I smiled at him, trying to hide that fact that I was now not only nervous, but also confused and more than a little annoyed. Still though, he was a customer, a very, very important customer, and I had to be nice to him.

He chuckled, though I got the feeling that he wasn't laughing at my joke, but at something completely different all together.

"You've done a lovely job on the party so far. But, have no fear, I'm sure we'll have a few more... problems to work out before it's over."

"Well, just let me know, Eric. I'll be happy to address any problems that you have." I said, gathering up the paperwork and tucking it back into my bag.

"Wonderful. I'm sure that you have a lot of other things to take care of today. I hope I didn't take up too much of your time." Eric said, nodding to me somewhat dismissively.

"Not at all." I said. "It was wonderful to meet you. I'm sure that I'll see you again before the party."

I stood up, getting the hint that it was time for me to leave, and not wanting to prolong the experience anymore than I had already.

"Goodbye, Lily."

His voice sent another chill up my spine, and once I had closed the door to the conference room behind me, I practically ran to the elevator, and then out of the building.

_What the hell had just happened?!_

* * *

I didn't get home until late that night.

After the extremely weird meeting with Eric Sacks, I had gone back to the office so that I could fill Jen in on what had happened. She was just as confused as I was about why he had made a big deal about such a small change, but she had been even more thankful that it hadn't been something hard to fix.

All I knew was that I was glad to be back at home. I had no words to describe the day... I was just tired and done stressing out about everything.

As the day had gone on, I'd become more and more worried that I had made a mistake about not telling Raphael about the party or the meeting with Sacks. I was digging a pretty deep hole for myself, but I honestly wasn't sure what was the right or wrong thing to do anymore.

It was midnight by the time I had rinsed off, put on pajamas, and sat down on my couch to finally relax. I had just turned on the TV when I heard a knock at my front door, which was odd, because I hadn't buzzed anyone into the building. Figuring it was just a neighbor, I got up and peered through the eyehole in the door. Even though my vision was limited, I could see a women standing next to four men. They were wearing all black, except for the woman, who also had on a green scarf. I shrugged, figuring they just had the wrong apartment and would figure it out. I was about to go and sit down once more, when they knocked again, this time louder.

I peered through the hole again, an uneasy feeling settling into my stomach. Something was strange about the way they kept glancing down the hall and leaning close to whisper to each other.

And then I heard her say in a low, dangerous tone, "_pick the lock. Quickly."_

I jumped away from the door like it had shocked me. I ran into my bedroom and closed the door. I grabbed my cellphone and tried to call 911, but no matter how many times I tried, the call wouldn't connect. I dropped it to the floor and hurried over to my bag where I knew the T-Phone would be. Each second felt like a lifetime as I waited for them to break into my apartment. I finally found the phone and was just about to try calling again when I heard footsteps approach my door.

_They can't see this phone!_ I thought wildly, and I darted over to the window, yanked it up, and tossed the phone out just as they threw open my bedroom door.

"She's trying to escape!" One of the men, who now had a black mask pulled over his face, called to the others.

I was too shocked to even try to scream or move. He had grabbed me before I could even blink and dragged me back out into the living room. Another man had picked up my cellphone that I had dropped to the floor and flipped it open.

"It worked, Karai. She wasn't able to call the police." He said, tossing my phone to the woman, who then tucked it into her pocket.

The woman wasn't wearing a mask like the others. She had cold eyes and dark hair that was streaked with bright red. She smirked at me gleefully, seeming just like a cat that had caught it's helpless, mouse prey.

"Who are you?" I asked shakily. I didn't even bother struggling against the man's hold. There was five of them and one of me. I didn't stand a chance.

"We are the Foot Clan." She hissed in reply. "Did you really think we wouldn't find you?"

"Find me? What did I do?" I questioned her.

She laughed cruelly. "Don't play innocent, Lily. We know you planted a bug on one of our properties, which also means that you probably also know about our partnership with Eric Sacks. We can't have that information getting out to the public."

When I didn't respond, she took a step closer and brought her face down close to mine. "The only question that remains is who you are working for?"

I shook my head. "No one."

"You don't expect me to believe that a little party planner was able to pull this off all on her own, now do you?"

"How did you find out it was me?" I asked.

"Mr. Sacks confirmed it today. Thanks to our facial recognition technology, and all the images we have from you planting the bug, we were able to narrow it down to only three suspects. You were the last on the list. That little birthmark of yours really threw us off. Quite clever of you, actually." The woman explained.

"I don't understand." I murmured.

_Facial recognition? _I was so far out of my league. And here I thought that I had been _sooo_ sneaky when I planted that device. Little did I know that they had been onto me the entire time, just chipping away at the pieces until they finally tracked me down.

"You will." She replied, another delighted smirk crossing her sharp features. "Lets move."

The other three men hurried out of my apartment quickly. The one who was holding me hung back with the women, Karai.

"Make a noise and I kill you." She told me, her voice low. She pulled up the hem of her jacket to reveal a gun and I felt my heart skip a beat.

"Go." She then ordered the man, and he began to pull me from my home.

We traveled quickly, soundlessly, down the hallway and to the staircase. They took me to the bottom floor, and then out the back where a van was waiting. It seemed as though they had planned everything out. Blocking my cellphone signal, how to get in and out of my building unseen... It had all been carefully calculated.

"Get in." The man ordered, shoving me towards the van.

I took a quick glance down the alley, and even in the dim headlights, I could make out the shattered T-Phone laying on the ground.

At least I had kept the brothers safe... That had been my only tie to them, and now it was destroyed. No one would ever cast it second glance.

I climbed into the van, ready to meet whatever fate awaited me.


	20. Chapter 20: Ghost

We drove through the city in silence. I was in the back of the van with three of the men, while one drove, and Karai sat in the passenger seat. I had my head resting in my hands. It was all I could do: I was so lost, it was taking every ounce of my strength to not start sobbing...

And at the same time, a part of me was growing angry the longer that I sat there. This wasn't like when I had been attacked in the alley way. The Foot Clan obviously wanted me for something, since they hadn't just killed me in my apartment. I saw no reason as to why they would leave me alive, and take me hostage, if they were just going to murder me some place else.

No, I could tell from the devilish expression on Karai's face that they had other reasons for keeping me alive.

"Someone will come looking for me." I said, finally finding some bravery to speak up.

Karai chuckled darkly. "We looked into your phone history. You haven't talked to your family in over a year, and the only other calls were to work or take out restaurants. So tell me Lily, will the Chinese place on the corner come to your rescue, or the Mexican place?"

I tried to not lose my nerve even though what she was saying was painfully true.

No one would miss me. Except Raphael, only I couldn't tell her about him.

"My work will wonder what happened to me." I continued after a moment.

"Not after you quit they won't. The pressures of working on Mr. Sacks' party will grow too great for you to handle." Karai replied, sounding extremely proud of their plan.

I was starting to have trouble breathing now. What were they going to do, wipe me from the face of the planet?

"What do you want from me?" I asked, my voice faltering now. I had no more cards left to play.

"Mr. Sacks wants you to help him with a project." Karai answered mysteriously. "No more talking."

I didn't have a problem with that. I didn't want to know anymore of their plans for me. I couldn't handle it without completely losing my mind.

I leaned back against the wall of the van and closed my eyes, which I immediately regretted.

The only thing I saw was Raphael.

That was all it took to finally break me. I began to cry.

* * *

I couldn't tell where we finally stopped. The doors to the van opened and all I saw was an empty parking garage. It had felt the road dip down right before we had parked, so I assumed that were underneath a building. The same man as before grabbed my arm and dragged me alongside him and the others. We went over to an elevator, which we took to the top floor.

A sterile white hallway stretched out before me. It had a hospital-like vibe to it, which made me nervous. We passed many doors, all shut, all with no windows, before entering one. The room had a desk, a long couch, and a large window that overlooked the dark city.

Something about being able to see outside made my muscles relax just a little bit. It grounded me, made me remember that I was still very much alive.

I would get through this. I had to.

Karai stepped in front me and pulled out my cell phone out of her pocket. She then pulled out her own phone and pushed a few keys on the surface.

"You get three chances. I will be taping you. Say that you are quitting and going back home to California. Say that the pressure broke you. If you don't say it convincingly by the third try, I will kill you. Understand?" Karai said to me sharply.

I nodded stiffly.

She held out her phone close to my lips and then mouthed "_speak_".

"This is Lily. Today with Mr. Sacks made me realize that I can't do this job anymore. I've decided to leave my-"

Karai pulled the phone quickly away from me. "Too formal. Again."

I waited for her to hold out the device once again.

I swallowed hard.

_FOCUS._

"This is Li-Lily. I can't do this job anymore. Dealing with Sacks today proved that to m-me. I'm quitting and going back home. I'm sorry. Goodbye."

A smile twisted across Karai's features. "Well done."

She left the room briskly, the men following her, and they closed the door, undoubtedly locking it behind them. I went over to sit on the couch, observing that the space looked very much like a therapist's office would. It was plain and nonthreatening, but I found nothing about it comforting. To me, it was just a prison.

The silence was almost enough to kill me. My skin was on fire from the nerves and my breathing was ragged at best. I had to keep blinking in order to focus my eye sight and every single limb on my body was shaking violently. Leaving the message had rattled me beyond the point of repair. All I could do was sit and stare at the ground, forcing myself to not think about the brothers and Splinter.

The door opened once more and Eric Sacks waltzed in, seeming completely untroubled.

He didn't acknowledge the fact that I was in the room until well after he had sat down behind the desk. Finally, his eyes flicked over to me and he grinned.

"So glad you could join me, Lily." He said. "We've got a lot to discuss."

I scoffed. "You're insane," I spat.

He ignored me. "Now, what are the chances of you telling me who you're working for?"

"I won't ever tell you." I replied fiercely, hot tears filling my eyes.

He sighed. "I figured as much. No matter. They're the least of my worries."

Sacks got up from the desk and sauntered over to sit beside me on the couch. I moved as far away from his as I could, feeling like I might be sick.

"Did you know, that at this very moment, your apartment is being packed up?" He questioned me. "By morning, it will be as if you'd never even lived there."

I shook my head. "Just tell me why you're fucking doing this! Because I tried to spy on you?"

"No. Normally I would have just killed someone like you. But, I think you're perfect for an experiment of mine that I've been wanting to try." Sacks explained.

"An experiment?" I clarified, confused by the turn this conversation was taking.

"Yes. You see, once the Foot Clan and I finish up our first bit of business, I will be quite rich. And I plan to use that money towards a serum of mine that could change the world."

"A serum?" I repeated. "I don't understand."

"Oh, come on now, I know you're smarter than that." He teased menacingly. "Put the puzzle pieces together."

I knew what he was hinting at, I just didn't want to say it out loud.

I could also sense that in a way, history was repeating itself.

It was a serum that had created the brothers, after all.

"What is it going to do to me?" I questioned him quietly after a moment.

Sacks' eyes traveled to a far off place. "Imagine being able to change a person's history... Imagine being able to make them remember or forget what ever you wish. Imagine making them believe that they had been living a completely different life, giving them a whole new story. Murders? Rapists? Pedophiles? We could change the very fabric of their being and cure them. No more violence... unless, of course, we want there to be."

"That's... impossible." I choked out, but even I could hear the fear in my voice.

_Why are you even kidding yourself, Lily? Look what his serum did to the turtles and Splinter. Is this really so crazy, so impossible to believe?_

No, no it wasn't. And that fact made me almost pass out.

"What are you going to... change about my history?" I asked him softly, already resigning myself to the fact that I was doomed.

My apartment would be packed by morning.

I had quit my job.

My family didn't give a fuck about me.

I had thrown away the only link that I had to Raphael.

I was nothing but a ghost now.

"Everything," Sacks murmured happily, leaning in close to me. "I'm going to change _everything_."

He reached out quickly and grabbed my arm. Before I could even realize what he was doing, he had jammed a long needle into my arm. I watched as he emptied the cartridge into my body.

The world immediately began to fade. The only thing I could hear in my head was the echo of Sacks saying "_everything"._

And then, it all went black.


	21. Chapter 21: Part Two - Raphael

_Authors note: please note, that from this point on, the story will be from Raphael's point of view._

_Thank you for all the kind reviews and comments. You guys are amazing._

_Now, enjoy part two of Humanity!_

* * *

What does it mean to be human? Does it mean you have two legs and two arms? Does it mean you can talk and understand the words of others? Maybe it means that you can think for yourself and that you have free will to do whatever you want.

Does being human mean that you have a soul inside of you? Do all of these things come together in one all encompassing idea of what it means to be human?

Is that what they mean when they say "humanity"?

Can you find your human self even if you weren't born a human?

Some would probably say that being human means that you have the capability to fall in love, to find someone who makes you... feel.

If you were to ask me, I would have no idea what it means to be human, because I'm not one.

I was born a mutant freak and I accepted that fact a long time ago.

Living in sewers wasn't all that bad. My brothers, father, and I made a good life for ourselves. It wasn't anything special, but whatever, it worked just fine. We grew up being taught that we were different, and even though that wasn't a bad thing, it did mean that we had to be careful.

Humans could never see us. That was the most important rule. The only rule, actually.

Well, besides the rule that I couldn't just punch Mikey in the face whenever he was being annoying, even though he might really deserve it.

These rules had worked out just fine for a long time.

Until I met Lily.

Lily changed everything. She really had, even though that sounded pathetic and cheesy. Somehow, the idea of being with a mutant turtle didn't completely disgust her. I thought that she was just crazy, distracted from my flaws by the fact that I had saved her life. I figured the illusion would fade away eventually, but it didn't.

She stuck around. For whatever fucked up reason, she wanted to know me.

And for whatever fucked up reason, I had fallen in love with her. It was a sick, twisted joke. Turtle-freak falls for beautiful girl.

Only it wouldn't end with me being turned back into a human, like at the end in _Beauty and the Beast_ (Donnie's favorite movie growing up, 'cause he had a crush on Belle).

Nah, I'd never be human.

Because I was never human to begin with.

And I'm okay with that.

* * *

When Lily didn't call me like she'd said that she would, I began to worry.

I had paced back and forth in my room for three days waiting for her to contact me. I'd tried calling her many times, but it just kept ringing and ringing. I'd tried from Leo's phone, Donnie's phone, Mikey's phone, and even Splinter's. Each time, I'd been greeted by the same ringing, until I finally gave up.

"Dude, chill. She's probably just busy at work!" Mikey had said over and over again.

"Raph, you can't go look for her. Sensei said so." Leo had lectured.

"I'll check to make sure her phone isn't broken when I see her." Donnie had assured me.

It wasn't until the night of the third day that Splinter finally let me leave. He was concerned now too, admitting that it was weird to not hear from her for three whole days.

I'd never moved so fast in my life. It felt like I was flying as I ran across the rooftops towards her apartment building. When I finally lowered myself down next to her bedroom window, what I saw almost made me fall to the ground in shock.

Nothing. Her apartment was empty.

I sat there for a minute, trying to figure out what was going on... Trying to come up with some logical explanation for why all her stuff would be gone.

A light flicked on in an apartment below me, and something on the ground caught my eye. I dropped down and bent over to examine what had flashed in the light.

It was Lily's phone.

Donnie's handiwork was unmistakable, even if it was crushed to pieces. It looked like it had been thrown from her window, which I could only assume to be done as a message to me. I nodded to myself, letting the truth of the situation sink in.

Lily had finally realized what I had been trying to tell her all along: she didn't belong with me.

I gathered up the pieces of the broken phone and stood up.

I didn't feel like going home right away. I needed to think.

* * *

I spent hours running around the city. I knew that I'd be in deep shit once I got back home, so I figured that I'd better soak up the freedom while I had it.

When I finally did go back to sewers, my family practically attacked me. They were all talking at once, and I just pushed past them. I didn't hear their voices. I really didn't care about what they were saying.

"Raph?!" Leo demanded, grabbing my shoulder firmly and pulling me around to face them. "What happened? Where is Lily?"

His words cut through my skin. I never wanted to hear her name again.

"Gone." I replied simply.

"What do you mean, son?" Splinter asked sharply.

"She's gone. She left." I repeated, trying hard to not loose my temper. If I freaked out, they'd just make me talk about it more. I didn't want that. I just wanted to be alone.

"Lily finally realized what we are and left. She's gone. Her apartment is packed up. There's nothin' more to say." I continued firmly, giving each member of my family a hard glare. "She threw this out of her window," I added, pulling the broken phone pieces from my pocket and tossing them at Donnie.

"I'm goin' to bed."

I left them all standing behind me, shocked and hurt by the news I had shared.

I didn't care.

Lily was gone and there was nothing I could do about it, except try to forget that I'd ever met her.


	22. Chapter 22: Lily

_Author's Note:_

_For those of you that have stuck around, thank you. I appreciate your support. I love this story, and I have plans to see it through until the end - even if it takes a little longer than I would like for us to get there._

_Enjoy this chapter. Getting in Raphael's head-space is something I have been looking forward to and I am excited to start updating again._

_Please note, this chapter is taking place roughly a month after Lily was taken. The events of the movie have already passed. This takes place after Sacks and the Shredder were dismantled._

_Hope you all had a wonderful New Year and Holiday season. _

_~ Kaija_

* * *

Forgetting about _her_ had proved to be even harder than I'd thought.

Distracting myself from dwelling on _her_, however, had been a piece of cake.

Shortly after _she_ left, things with the Foot Clan had gotten more intense. A lot had changed in just a few short weeks, including another human finding out my brothers and I.

April O'Neil was a lot easier to deal with than _she_ had been though. April looked at my family like we were mutants. She didn't see past the green skin or the shells. It wasn't that she feared us or wanted to expose us, it was just that she didn't try to make us into something we could never be: human.

I wasn't exactly thrilled about having another person know about us, but April had ties to our past. It was easier to allow her to be a friend than to try and cut her out. She'd proved to be a trustworthy ally when we had finally dealt with Sacks and the Shredder. As a news reporter, she could have gained a lot by exposing my family and I to the world, but she didn't. I respected that, even if her being in our lives did complicate things more than a little bit.

Everyone had watched me like a ticking time bomb since _she_ had left. April coming into the picture had only made them watch me even harder, probably just waiting for me to finally break down and talk about what had happened.

Sucks for them, though. That will never happen. I'd avoided the subject of _her_ skillfully and I wasn't about to break that streak now.

Luckily, April discovering us, our home being destroyed by the Shredder, the capture of Sacks, the dismantling of the Foot Clan, and Splinter almost dying provided plenty of things to distract my brothers from my personal problems. That was all _she_ was now: a forgotten problem that I'd never try to figure out the answer to.

I was done with _her _and even if I couldn't forget that _she_ existed, I could get over it. I could let it go. I could move on.

And that is exactly what I did.

* * *

The first thing I noticed when I woke up and went into the kitchen was that Mikey was in a particularly good mood.

He was humming, which was probably the most obnoxious sound in the world since he couldn't carry a tune to save his life, as he stood over the stove. Whatever he was cooking smelled good, though.

"Sup with you?" I asked him, taking a seat at the table to wrap up my hands so that I could go do my morning work out.

"April is coming by today!" Mikey replied enthusiastically.

I rolled my eyes. His crush on her was both obvious and pointless. April was not _her_ and would never be interested in one of us like -

_Stop._ I thought firmly, as I always did when _she_ came to mind. _Focus._

I stood up quickly, almost knocking the chair over as I did so. That pulled Mikey's attention away from his food, and he turned around to look at me suspiciously.

"You alright, bro?"

"Yep," I answered, already walking away.

Working out was the only thing that occupied my mind completely, and so I had been doing it a lot lately. Or rather, it didn't occupy my mind, it just made it so that I didn't think at all. Everyday I would punch, kick, and lift until I almost passed out. Hours would pass and I would barely even remember if I blinked the entire time. I just spaced out, letting whatever emotion I was feeling that day - anger, sadness, abandonment, and even happiness - swell inside me until I felt like I was going explode. Soon they had all begun to mix together, and I forgot what it truly felt like to feel anything at all. I just... was.

As usual, time passed by without me even noticing it. No one ever bothered me while I was working out. A few times, when I had first been forming the habit, Splinter and Leo had tried to come talk to me, help me, and I had almost lost it. Rage had threatened to take me over completely back then, and they had seen it, so in the end they had realized that it was better to just let me be.

I was a junkie who was simply avoiding my addiction and pushing everyone away that I cared about. I wasn't stupid: I knew exactly what I was doing. I just couldn't find the strength to fight the addiction, not when giving into the desire to punch and kick my problems away felt so damn good.

While I was working out, I would often wonder how much longer my family would let this go on. I assumed that one day they would finally try to break me of my habit, and I both feared and prayed for that day to come.

* * *

I wiped the sweat from my forehead and leaned against the wall. My head was light from dehydration and exhaustion. Today had been one of those days where I had pushed myself to the edge of no return, mostly because of the thoughts that had popped into my head when Mikey had been so excited to see April.

I didn't remember what it felt like to be that excited about something, or someone.

And even if I did remember, I wouldn't have allowed myself to.

I sighed heavily, heaving my body away from the support of the wall, and started back towards the living room. I had no idea what time it was or how long I'd been working out. My stomach was empty, since I hadn't eaten anything earlier, and so that was my first stop.

I dug around in the fridge, deciding to just heat up a frozen pizza pocket so that I wouldn't have to actually cook anything. It was quiet as I waited for the timer to tick down on the microwave. I wondered if everyone had gone out in the van for the day, and a tiny part of me hoped that they had - I wasn't sure if I could deal with being social today, especially with April.

I grabbed my food and a bottle of water, deciding to just head back to my room. Just as I was passing by Donnie's lab, I heard noises from inside, and so I paused. I strained to hear what the hushed voices were saying.

"_Do you think you can help us, April? I know that it's asking a lot..."_ Leonardo was saying, his tone very low and serious.

"_Of course, I just wish you had told me about all this sooner." A_pril replied.

"_We weren't sure of anything until now, or else we would have."_

"_We must keep this information to ourselves. If Raphael finds out before we have all the answers, it could make him even worse."_ Splinter's voice echoed softly.

A flash of fury went though my veins. They were talking about me!

"_Father, what are we going to do if it really is her?_"Donnie asked. "_We don't know what state of mind she will be in -_"

"_Shit, shit, shit." _Mikey suddenly muttered. "_Uhm, yeah so, Raph is standing right outside the door._"

"_What?! Mikey you had one job: watch the camera to warn us if he was coming!"_ Leonardo snapped, his voice not so hushed anymore now that they had been caught.

I took that as my cue to open the door and figure out what the hell was going on.

All of them were staring back at me with a mixture of anger, panic, and sadness as I stood waiting for an explanation.

"My son, I am sorry you had to find out about this in such an awful way." Splinter said after a few more moments of awkward silence.

"Find out about what?" I snapped in reply.

"Raph, we... Well, we found Lily." Leonardo explained gently.

"_What?!_" I retorted sharply. "What do you mean _found_ her?"

"After she left, we kept trying to figure out what happened. We didn't want to believe that she would just... Leave." Donnie cut in.

I shook my head in anger. "I don't care why she fucking left. Why can't you all get that through your heads? _I. Dont. Care."_

"Knock it off, Raph." Leonardo hissed, his own temper flaring up. "You obviously do care. You haven't even been able to say her name since she left!"

"Because, I don't care." I shot back firmly, even though even I could hear my voice falter a little bit at the end.

"We all know you do. Why won't you just admit it?" Leonardo pressed.

"I can't deal with this," I muttered, turning around and starting to leave.

"Raphael." Splinter said forcefully, but still in his gentle, fatherly way. "You need to hear what has been discovered."

I paused, closing my eyes and trying so hard to not completely lose it. If Splinter was apart of this... Maybe, just maybe... Whatever they had found out about... About_ Lily _was good news. I doubted that he would want me to stay if what they had uncovered was bad.

A small root of hope began to grow, and I tried my hardest to not let it spread throughout my mind.

Not yet, not when it had been so hard to move on.

_Lily._ Her name felt like a cool rain, washing away the burning fury that had been blazing inside of me for weeks.

_Lily._..

"What?" I asked quietly, my back still turned to them all. "What did you find?"


End file.
